** Before I start this blog I would like to issue a trigger warning, this blog will talk through sexual consent and this issues surrounding it. This blog is focused on people's experience with discussion surrounding sexual consent thus far and how we can improve this, but a warning is issued none the less. **
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| http://www.safeground.org.uk/step-1-sexual-consent-training/ |
I asked my friends, followers and whoever would listen to answer a series of questions regarding how often they have been spoken to about sexual consent and how they feel about voicing their opinion even now. First of all, I'd like to share the results from the questions I asked numerically and then talk about what people had to say on the issue separately.
*note: the male female split is not to attack either gender, but to express feelings on both sides and to express the gender input in the issue.
1. In previous/ current relationships, do you think consent is something you could talk about openly and comfortably? (the answers to this question is in no way damning, but about how comfortable people have been in discussing it properly and openly)
YES: NO:
Male: 14 Male: 3
Female: 10 Female: 10
Total: 24 Total: 13
This question I wanted to be included, not to shame people, but to try and gage what people understood about consent within relationships and their confidence within relationships to be able to voice any feelings about sexual consent, whether that be amongst themselves or more generally. The results were very varied with people saying that the conversation HAD occurred but it wasn't something that they felt came up often or in some cases enough, a few also mentioned that it was very much "is this ok?" in the moment which can often feel incredibly pressured if the conversation has never come up in the past. The element of trust in relationships often replaces the physical "yes/no" approach but from what I've heard from the answers to this question, more open conversation would be beneficial in understanding a partners feelings and ultimately progressing a more healthy and loving relationship.
2. Do you feel comfortable when you are at gigs with regards to the people around you and with voicing concerns about consent in this environment?
YES: NO:
Male: 10 Male: 1
Female: 9 Female: 11
Total: 19 Total: 12
The rise of social media campaigns such as @safegigs4women (who I have contacted in the hope of a future blog with) and #metoo have allowed for a safe place for people to express themselves and share experiences, however difficult that may be for them. There has also been a number of cases of bands and artists stopping shows to point out and stamp out misconduct. However, despite growing support, as pointed out by a friend of mine "gigs are difficult because the anonymity of the crowd and the volume of the music make it difficult to communicate the types of interactions you do or do not want."
Going forward, I think it's important to make people more aware of issues that can happen at gigs and festivals, especially due to the high levels of drug and alcohol intake, and help educate staff and bystanders in their reaction as well as teaching more people to understand the boundaries of sexual consent.
3. Do you feel comfortable when are you on nights out and in other crowded areas with regards to the people around you and with voicing concerns about consent in this environment?
YES: NO:
Male: 11 Male: 1
Female: 2 Female: 28
Total: 13 Total: 29
From this you can clearly see the male female divide, even the men I spoke to, literally used the phrase "well with being a boy, yeah. I know I wouldn't if I was a girl, not a chance". Crazy isn't it? A lot of people made time to talk to me about night out culture, telling me the most horrendous stories of things they'd experienced or witnessed on a night out. The only time I've ever had to speak to a bouncer about not being kicked out of a club was after hitting a guy for trying to feel up a friend of mine who I was literally carrying out because she couldn't stand up, like seriously... She couldn't have even said a word at the point.
A good friend of mine actually pointed out that universities have nothing in place as punishment for this type of behaviour and even more importantly, staff in clubs are not trained on how to deal with incidents of misconduct on themselves let alone when they witness it happening to other people. On the internet I have started to see that some clubs, a lot of them being LGBT clubs, have began to introduce safety measures such as the 'Angel Shot' and other signalling ideas but they are yet to be universal. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help in this type of situation, to fear that the bartender will have no idea what you're talking about is often enough for people to continue to suffer in silence.
Can I suggest that people contact their local/favourite bars and your universities SU to inquire as to whether this is something that the offer? Look after each other people.
4. Do you feel like at a younger age (school onwards), you spoke much about sexual consent with family and friends?
YES: NO:
Male: 1 Male: 12
Female: 2 Female: 29
Total: 3 Total: 41
I was genuinely shocked to actually only hear that only 3 people had been openly talking about sexual consent at this age. This reflects a taboo, whilst children are being educated about drugs, sex and crime, this is something kept quite and this means they aren't conversing amongst themselves on the issue. This leads to further problems and much like with other issues treated similarly, such as mental health, people are left to suffer alone if they feel something isn't right as they don't know HOW to speak up about it.
5. Do you think you would find this awkward or uncomfortable at the time?
YES: NO:
Male: 13 Male: 1
Female: 15 Female: 9
Total: 28 Total: 10
Generally people didn't feel too awkward about talking to their friends, if the HAD to but family were generally a different story. Some mentioned how they were lucky as they were open and comfortable with a least one family member so occasionally spoke on the issue, however many pointed out this was something, especially in their early teens they couldn't think of anything worse than doing.
6. What about now, do you find it hard to talk about?
YES: NO:
Male: 5 Male: 9
Female: 12 Female: 12
Total: 17 Total: 21
The answers I received to this question were really pleasant. Many people said that there was at least one person they were happy talking to, but it still wasn't something that came up. A lot of people said that it'd still be awkward if it came up with certain members of family or in school.
7. Have you ever been spoken to professionally by a teacher or workplace regarding the issue?
YES: NO:
Male: 0 Male: 19
Female: 2 Female: 28
Total: 2 Total: 47
ONE person, a singular person said they'd been spoken to about sexual consent in the workplace. This is ridiculous. One person mentioned how there had been a compulsory workshop at her university, however she felt it to be incredibly condescending and disrespectful to those who had been victims of sexual misconduct as opposed to aiding the education of sexual consent and encouraging towards healthy conversation on the issue.
Education and conversation is so important for both genders and all ages, in all walks of life. In schools we can start to let people know that it's ok to voice their opinion when they don't feel comfortable, even within a relationship. Now, it is common knowledge that a lot of teens do lose their virginity or at least experience their first sexual encounter whilst still in compulsory education, therefore it should be the centre of sex education and more general conversation in schools that sexual consent is not something to be assumed or overlooked. It would also allow for them to understand the concept more, removing confusion and giving them confidence and security for the future.
In the workplace, there are people of all ages, genders and sexualities, from all over the globe. People have grown in in lots of different environments and had different experiences. To teach and talk about sexual consent in the workplace in a standardised way would protect everyone and allow people in and out of work to enjoy themselves without fear or irritation.
8. Where do you think this needs to be talked about more?
People overwhelmingly presented a case for school education on sexual consent, making it the centre of sex ed. Many people also mentioned that they think universities should do more to educate about night out culture and sexual consent.
Personally, I was completely shocked by the fact that ONLY two people out of everyone I spoke to had been spoken to professionally about voicing and understanding sexual consent and only one of each was in education and then once in the workplace. This is frightening as how can people feel like it is a subject not to feel awkward about if they are made to feel as though it is too taboo for work and schools.
A close friend of mine actually made an incredibly good point about teaching consent at a much earlier age than we've already talked about. This would not actually entail sexual consent as such, but from starting school teaching children 'don't hug them right now, they've asked you not to' and 'you mustn't go in their personal space unless they've said it's ok' as this would instil a sense of respect and understanding of consent in children from a young age, making it much easier for them to grasp in the context of what we are discussing at a much later age.
9. How do you think we can raise more awareness?
A lot of people struggled to give an answer to this one, the main think people hoped for is for education at a younger age on the issue. People regularly pointed out it is only the likes of twitter and Instagram that opened their eyes to having open conversations regarding consent and others were upset by the fact that the only conversation we seemed to be having outside of this revolved around misconduct and the actions of the likes of Harvey Weinstein.
One person did actually mention the education of parents, I originally did not think about this as a good solution to the issue. However, they talked of bridging the age gap and the awkwardness of the issue, especially in approaching their teens about it. To educate parents is to ultimately educate the future.
I know this blog was quite heavy but this is a topic I am hugely passionate about progressing and hope to write more on in the future. I will continue to push for healthy, open conversation about sexual consent in all walks of life and hope that others will do the same. Universities, schools, colleges and workplaces are hugely crucial in making this possible and I would love to make it possible for this to be a standardised education programme like anti-drug campaigns and sex education are.
Above everything else I would like to thank all the people who took part in my 'survey' and I hope that you've enjoyed reading my blog. This information as earlier mention will hopefully be used in a future study and I can't thank you enough for all of your input. I will be writing a less statistically informed blog in the near future on progression ideas and also more support for those who want more of a voice.
Stay safe, look after each other and remember that there is always someone to speak to if you need them.
Much love,
- Chloe x
please find below a list of sexual misconduct help lines for the UK, Ireland and the US. If you are located elsewhere and would like help in finding a helpline, feel free to contact me and I'll give you all the time you would like to find you the support you need:
All of these countries can visit www.7cups.com (formerly 7cupsoftea) and speak to someone anonymously, whilst they cannot provide medical advice, they are there to listen and will be useful in directing you to useful helplines and services.
UK:
Find your nearest NHS support centre Click here!
FREE 24-hour National Domestic Violence Helpline 0808 2000 247
Rape Crisis: 0808 802 9999
Survivors.org: for Men who have been raped, assaulted or abused Click here!
Women's Aid: for Women and Children Click here!
Northern Ireland helpline: 0345 122 8687
Women's Aid Ireland: 1800 341 900 or Click here!
RapeCrisis Ireland: 1800 778888 or Click here!
USA:
National Sexual Violence Resource Center Hotline - 1-877-739-3895Rape Abuse Incest National Network (RAINN) National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
Safe Helpline for Sexual Assault Support for the DoD Community - 1-877-995-5247
Not Alone: Click here!
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| https://theconsentcrew.org/category/education/marketing/ |
** SURVEY WAS TAKEN BY 30 WOMEN AND 19 MEN, NUMERICAL DIFFERENCES WERE DUE TO SOME QUESTIONS REMAINING UNANSWERED BY INDIVIDUALS**
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