How to get the summer body you've always dreamed of!

I have written and rewritten this blog a thousand times since I began writing blogs at all, but from looking around me recently I am just sick of hearing people not doing what they want to do because they are self concious about the way they look. With summer coming up, the body poitivity movement needs to be stronger than ever. You deserve to not feel like you have to worry about your tummy rolls or untone arms when you're just trying to have a good day.

These are all photos I have take in the past 2 years, and in looking at each of them I saw only flaws but presented a positive and honestly fake body positive outlook of them online. I’d fallen into an incredibly unhealthy relationship with food and it showed in how I saw myself. My weight went up and down and I never saw anything but how awful I looked.

 And girl, in most of these I looked DAMN FINE!! I wish I still looked like that now but I am also glad that I can see the value of my body over how much I weigh or a little bit (or a lot a bit) of jiggle.

I'm the first person every day to notice my body's flaws, probably not the last, but first place is reserved for me. My whole life, I have never been confident about the way I look. Through high school, I was a round, large breasted, awkward teen who never really mastered makeup and not much has changed to this day.

I have spent too long breathing in and strategically standing in photos, when I could just enjoy myself. Losing such amazing moments to thoughts about losing weight is so pointless and so depressing. I by no mean like the way my body looks, my weight goes up and down like a yo-yo and yet I am forever squishy, but that doesn't mean I don't deserve to enjoy myself.

The main difference between me then and me now? Now, I am the person who controls how I feel about my body and me alone. And whilst I'm never going to stop trying to be the best version of me, I'm also very adamant to be in love with me as I am at present. I mean just look at these photos from the past year or so.

Every single person I have ever met at some point in their life has had at least some form of body confidence issues, male, female, young, old, big or small it is something we really struggle with, it can also lead down a much more difficult road. Body dysmorphia is very real in many forms, and from this stems eating disorders (of all types), depression and in some cases even suicidal thoughts. In a world where looks are deemed so important it is too easy to become obsessed with how your flaws. With every reality TV star trying to flog you "skinny teas" and "appetite suppressant lollipops" makes you think to be hungry is a bad thing. You know what tastes AND feels better than going hungry. EATING!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling good about your body, whatever it looks like. As long as you're physically healthy and happy. Not one other thing matters. And before all the health scare worriers start saying I am promoting obesity, first of all, go fuck yourself. Secondly, there is such thing as eating well and fully without cutting out meals and detoxing all of the fun out of your diet.

Diets are never going to solve your problems, by all means, change your eating habits to engage with a healthier lifestyle. But fad diets and constantly looking for a quick fix will only promote an unhealthy attitude towards yourself that you really don't deserve. And as summer comes along, and you want to pop on that bikini and tan? Or jump in the pool with your pals? Or even just to take your kids swimming? DO IT. Take control of the fact that your body IS a bikini body. Guys, worried about taking your top off at the beach? Not sure about your arms? You do you boy, get your belly out and forget about it, you'll regret not getting involved more than you would regret someone having to see you with your shirt off.

ALL people deserve to feel positive about their body. Nobody should feel ashamed of the way they look. And if people are trying to change, as long as their doing it for themselves in a safe and healthy way, hell yeah I support it.



Be kind to each other this summer, respect each other's insecurities. Treat each other with love and absolutely make all the plans you can. Summer comes to an end, and this is England, it's gonna be proper naff when it starts to go grey again.

Don't ask people about or point out their scars, their bumps, their loose skin, cellulite, dark underarms or body hair etc. Let's make this the summer where people make memories, not give up on them because their too self-conscious to do the things they want to.

So yeah, forget what all the women's mags and snapchat ads tell you, the best way to get a summer body in less than a week is to let go of what others think. The only person who can judge you is you, so be kind to yourself and remember what's important. I know this is all much more easily said than done, but believe me, another day forcing yourself to diet is another day you're not living your best life. You are beautiful if your butt is huge or non-existent. You are beautiful if you have toned, muscular arms or bingo wings You are beautiful if you are a small, tall, skinny, fat, lanky, G cup, A cup, single, taken, gay, straight, bi, asexual, trans, any shape, size, age, gender or sexuality. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL if you let yourself be.

Wear that dress you love, be bold with your colours, treat yourself to some cute new sunglasses. Oh and don't forget sun cream.

Eat well, dress cute and make memories.

Much love,

~ Chloe x

Why I need feminism, and why it's ok if you don't.

Before I start, I don't know who posted my googleform on 4chan, but thanks :////

I recently attended a feminism debate as part of my University debate society, it was actually incredibly insightful and as I sat there I realised, despite arguments either way, how much I needed feminism. Talking to my boyfriend about it he told me something that broke my heart. Plus, over the next two months I will be part of a mentoring group for FE students talking about sexual consent and other related topics, and everyday I realise another way I appreciate feminism.

I've decided that I want to put together a list of reasons why, when I asked, people said they needed feminism, starting with the story from my boyfriend:

STORYTIME!!

1.  Anyone who knows me personally will know that I met Corey on Tinder (no shame,  neither of us were actually looking for anything but a confidence boost, I'm basically just a rebound that has lasted a lot longer than expected 😅), we spoke for months before actually meeting and when we did we spent the day together and went for drinks in the evening. I didn't realise at the time but apparently I naturally spent the whole night with my thumb over the top of the bottle. I don't think he realised until that moment that this is the type of thing that a lot of girls (and guys of course) do without thinking due to a drilled in fear. It was very much a sobering moment for me in thinking about the kind of world we live in. 
2. Night out culture in generally petrifies me. Generally my group of friends gave up on girls night after one attempt consisting of a great night interrupted on too many occasions by men much older that us (we were barely 18 at the time) moving in on us and literally moving from one of us to the next when we rejected them before becoming irritated and argumentative. The amount of times I've had to ask to swap places with a male friend (shout out to my boys Liam, Michael Sean, Josh and my actual boy Corey for looking after us all on several occasions. And thank you to Dylan, Tom and Adbae for some hilarious saves in Sheffield) is actually embarrassing. It is the feminist movement that has pushed more people to step in in these instances, even for people they don't know and everyday now I see wonderful stories of girls helping girls out of sticky situations and guys stepping in for their friends or complete strangers. People get too drunk sometimes, it happens, look after your pals, you know they'd do the same for you. 
3. Victim blaming  and slut shaming is the next point I'd like to make a point about. "How much did they drink?", "What were they wearing?", "didn't they do drugs though?" just graze the surface of the things people have said to try and justify cases of sexual assault and rape. Feminism is a community that made me feel like they wouldn't judge in this way if I had something to say, they'd take what I say and they'd help me move forward. If I wanna wear a cute little dress, fishnets and heels and boogie the night away with my girls, maybe have a little too much to drink, I do not deserve to be taken advantage of, THERE IS NO DEBATE SURROUNDING THAT. 
4. Sexual harassment more generally is being brought to light by the feminist movement. I recently spoke to a family member about the #MeToo movement, and they said that they don't support historic allegations because "that's just how it was then". Whilst I understand why they say this, I think it's important that we still support these individuals in moving forward and take their points with no less validation. It's only in very recent times that feminism has helped people realise that sexual comments towards colleagues is not considered as funny or appropriate and it's this type of stigma it continues to aid. 
5. Feminism isn't just a female issue, I think the way it helps to break down toxic masculinity has been incredibly beneficial to a lot of boys and men, especially through their puberty years as they gather their own identity better. It is not trying to take away men's 'masculinity' as such, but to widen what is seen as socially acceptable. In the debate I talked about, one of the guys talked about how it would just help people be themselves. Even touching on the fact that breaking this idea of toxic masculinity down would be incredibly useful in allowing for men to be treated for their mental health issues, especially for depression and issues like PTSD. Instead of "manning up" they can get the help they deserve. (I see people's point about breaking down the 'masculine image some men want to identify with, but there are some who don't and that's ok too.)
6. Pressure on motherhood is something that I personally never thought of. But a lot of other women came to me saying this was a reason they felt they needed feminism. It is important to remember that this is very much still a real issue. Even in 2018, women are pressured because they decide to not become a mother, or when they decide they want to have a baby over working, or working over a motherhood, or even for doing both. Making any and all of the decisions regarding motherhood difficult. Not to mention feminists movement surround women's reproductive health and abortion rights. 
7. Body positivity is hugely important in the feminist community and always has been, I love to watch this part of the movement grow! It spreads genuine happiness and helps so many people with body confidence issues. 
8. EQUALITY for all and nothing more.

Asides from this, I asked several other questions to gauge opinion on feminism in general. I completely understand that not everyone sees feminism in the light that I and the people who helped me write the above list do. Despite this, I think it's important to mention that a lot of the people I managed to speak to were indeed feminist, Western and of the most part they were people I knew but I tried to vary opinion as much as I could.  

Ellie Taylor summed up what most people where thinking perfectly in saying "Feminism has become a dirty word over the past few years and I think that's due to a lot of western feminists arguably focusing their (social media) attention on issues that a lot of people, feminists or not, would deem trivial and taking things 'too far'." and that this has led to a perception of feminism as a man hating and exaggerated society that will happily, and - at times - wrongly play the victim. This will often make those who support the cause more widely turn away from feminism altogether. Within the debate I found that this was an issue for a lot of people, people completely agreed that the problems that were mentioned needed to be fixed, but did not agreed that feminism was the answer to that. Ellie also makes an amazing point that social equality of the sexes is a much more complex issue as there are no guidelines and no formal way of changing people's attitudes or behaviour. Subsequently, because it is the social issues where the media (and social media for that matter) focuses itself, hateful and intense debate can often be sparked and this divided the moment even further from people who may otherwise believe in it's causes.

Side note: Big thanks to Ellie for being a gem and sending me her genuine thoughts on the matter. Her insight was hugely influential to this blog so I can't express how grateful I am for her answer. 

Some people also mentioned that they thought feminism had done it's job in it's first and second wave. That this third wave of feminism was just plagued with trivial matters. Whilst this has already been mentioned, I think it is important to remember that these earlier waves of feminism were created and fought mainly for white women and straight women. A drive for equality now has focus on LGBTQ+ equality, black and ethnic minority equality and class respect. That's why a lot of people don't feel engaged with feminism anymore, they just don't see how it would effect them or their immediate circle. Not in a mainly white, western community with good education opportunities. For this reason, I can understand why people wanted to 'move on' from feminism but continue to fight for the many causes that feminism does.

Overall, I can honestly see why people are turning away from feminism. The extremism and of incredibly exclusive environment is not appealing to many. In a time when there are so many different perceptions on the ideology it has been pulled to several extremes, however something a lot of people mentioned when asked about moving on from feminism was education. With education of equality and the history and achievements of feminism, the perception of it all would become so much more well defined and healthier. We need to respect each others beliefs as with all walks of life and understand that feminism isn't the path for everyone, but for those who feel they do need it, support should be easier to come by. 

Thank you so much to everyone who contributed, I can't tell you how taken aback I was by the response I received. I hope you found this to be at least some way insightful, I tried to stay honest and honour the opinions I received. 

Much love, 

- Chloe x

((on a separate note, due to my research being place on 4chan and me receiving a lot of negative and harsh comments unrelated to the topic, I kind of lost enthusiasm for this post as most real comments were lost in spam. I have used googleform genuine answers as much as possible but most of what I have is just from responses I received through Facebook, in person and Instagram. I apologise it wasn't more in depth))

Let’s Talk About Sexual Consent

** Before I start this blog I would like to issue a trigger warning, this blog will talk through sexual consent and this issues surrounding it. This blog is focused on people's experience with discussion surrounding sexual consent thus far and how we can improve this, but a warning is issued none the less. **

http://www.safeground.org.uk/step-1-sexual-consent-training/

Hey guys, so this blog is something I've been working on and looking forward to putting together for quite a while now. From talking to over 30 different people: men and women of a variety of ages, I have gathered a rather scary set of data which illustrates some incredibly important points surrounding sexual consent education.

I asked my friends, followers and whoever would listen to answer a series of questions regarding how often they have been spoken to about sexual consent and how they feel about voicing their opinion even now. First of all, I'd like to share the results from the questions I asked numerically and then talk about what people had to say on the issue separately.

*note: the male female split is not to attack either gender, but to express feelings on both sides and to express the gender input in the issue.

1. In previous/ current relationships, do you think consent is something you could talk about openly and comfortably? (the answers to this question is in no way damning, but about how comfortable people have been in discussing it properly and openly)

YES:                                                             NO:
Male:  14                                                      Male: 3
Female: 10                                                    Female: 10
Total:  24                                                       Total: 13

This question I wanted to be included, not to shame people, but to try and gage what people understood about consent within relationships and their confidence within relationships to be able to voice any feelings about sexual consent, whether that be amongst themselves or more generally. The results were very varied with people saying that the conversation HAD occurred but it wasn't something that they felt came up often or in some cases enough, a few also mentioned that it was very much "is this ok?" in the moment which can often feel incredibly pressured if the conversation has never come up in the past. The element of trust in relationships often replaces the physical "yes/no" approach but from what I've heard from the answers to this question, more open conversation would be beneficial in understanding a partners feelings and ultimately progressing a more healthy and loving relationship.

2. Do you feel comfortable when you are at gigs with regards to the people around you and with voicing concerns about consent in this environment?

YES:                                                             NO:
Male: 10                                                       Male: 1
Female: 9                                                     Female: 11
Total: 19                                                       Total: 12

The rise of social media campaigns such as @safegigs4women (who I have contacted in the hope of a future blog with) and #metoo have allowed for a safe place for people to express themselves and share experiences, however difficult that may be for them. There has also been a number of cases of bands and artists stopping shows to point out and stamp out misconduct. However, despite growing support, as pointed out by a friend of mine "gigs are difficult because the anonymity of the crowd and the volume of the music make it difficult to communicate the types of interactions you do or do not want." 

Going forward, I think it's important to make people more aware of issues that can happen at gigs and festivals, especially due to the high levels of drug and alcohol intake, and help educate staff and bystanders in their reaction as well as teaching more people to understand the boundaries of sexual consent.

3. Do you feel comfortable when are you on nights out and in other crowded areas with regards to the people around you and with voicing concerns about consent in this environment?

YES:                                                             NO:
Male: 11                                                       Male: 1
Female: 2                                                     Female: 28
Total: 13                                                       Total: 29

From this you can clearly see the male female divide, even the men I spoke to, literally used the phrase "well with being a boy, yeah. I know I wouldn't if I was a girl, not a chance". Crazy isn't it? A lot of people made time to talk to me about night out culture, telling me the most horrendous stories of things they'd experienced or witnessed on a night out. The only time I've ever had to speak to a bouncer about not being kicked out of a club was after hitting a guy for trying to feel up a friend of mine who I was literally carrying out because she couldn't stand up, like seriously... She couldn't have even said a word at the point.

A good friend of mine actually pointed out that universities have nothing in place as punishment for this type of behaviour and even more importantly, staff in clubs are not trained on how to deal with incidents of misconduct on themselves let alone when they witness it happening to other people. On the internet I have started to see that some clubs, a lot of them being LGBT clubs, have began to introduce safety measures such as the 'Angel Shot' and other signalling ideas but they are yet to be universal. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help in this type of situation, to fear that the bartender will have no idea what you're talking about is often enough for people to continue to suffer in silence.

 

Can I suggest that people contact their local/favourite bars and your universities SU to inquire as to whether this is something that the offer? Look after each other people.

4. Do you feel like at a younger age (school onwards), you spoke much about sexual consent with family and friends?

YES:                                                             NO:
Male:  1                                                        Male: 12
Female: 2                                                      Female: 29
Total:  3                                                        Total: 41

I was genuinely shocked to actually only hear that only 3 people had been openly talking about sexual consent at this age. This reflects a taboo, whilst children are being educated about drugs, sex and crime, this is something kept quite and this means they aren't conversing amongst themselves on the issue. This leads to further problems and much like with other issues treated similarly, such as mental health, people are left to suffer alone if they feel something isn't right as they don't know HOW to speak up about it. 

5. Do you think you would find this awkward or uncomfortable at the time?

YES:                                                             NO:
Male:  13                                                      Male: 1
Female: 15                                                    Female: 9
Total:  28                                                       Total: 10

Generally people didn't feel too awkward about talking to their friends, if the HAD to but family were generally a different story. Some mentioned how they were lucky as they were open and comfortable with a least one family member so occasionally spoke on the issue, however many pointed out this was something, especially in their early teens they couldn't think of anything worse than doing. 

6. What about now, do you find it hard to talk about?

YES:                                                             NO:
Male:  5                                                        Male: 9
Female: 12                                                   Female: 12
Total:  17                                                      Total: 21

The answers I received to this question were really pleasant. Many people said that there was at least one person they were happy talking to, but it still wasn't something that came up. A lot of people said that it'd still be awkward if it came up with certain members of family or in school.

7. Have you ever been spoken to professionally by a teacher or workplace regarding the issue?

YES:                                                             NO:
Male: 0                                                        Male: 19
Female: 2                                                     Female: 28
Total: 2                                                         Total: 47

ONE person, a singular person said they'd been spoken to about sexual consent in the workplace. This is ridiculous. One person mentioned how there had been a compulsory workshop at her university, however she felt it to be incredibly condescending and disrespectful to those who had been victims of sexual misconduct as opposed to aiding the education of sexual consent and encouraging towards healthy conversation on the issue. 

Education and conversation is so important for both genders and all ages, in all walks of life. In schools we can start to let people know that it's ok to voice their opinion when they don't feel comfortable, even within a relationship. Now, it is common knowledge that a lot of teens do lose their virginity or at least experience their first sexual encounter whilst still in compulsory education, therefore it should be the centre of sex education and more general conversation in schools that sexual consent is not something to be assumed or overlooked. It would also allow for them to understand the concept more, removing confusion and giving them confidence and security for the future.  

In the workplace, there are people of all ages, genders and sexualities, from all over the globe. People have grown in in lots of different environments and had different experiences. To teach and talk about sexual consent in the workplace in a standardised way would protect everyone and allow people in and out of work to enjoy themselves without fear or irritation. 

8. Where do you think this needs to be talked about more?

People overwhelmingly presented a case for school education on sexual consent, making it the centre of sex ed. Many people also mentioned that they think universities should do more to educate about night out culture and sexual consent.

Personally, I was completely shocked by the fact that ONLY two people out of everyone I spoke to had been spoken to professionally about voicing and understanding sexual consent and only one of each was in education and then once in the workplace. This is frightening as how can people feel like it is a subject not to feel awkward about if they are made to feel as though it is too taboo for work and schools.

A close friend of mine actually made an incredibly good point about teaching consent at a much earlier age than we've already talked about. This would not actually entail sexual consent as such, but from starting school teaching children 'don't hug them right now, they've asked you not to' and 'you mustn't go in their personal space unless they've said it's ok' as this would instil a sense of respect and understanding of consent in children from a young age, making it much easier for them to grasp in the context of what we are discussing at a much later age.

9. How do you think we can raise more awareness?

A lot of people struggled to give an answer to this one, the main think people hoped for is for education at a younger age on the issue. People regularly pointed out it is only the likes of twitter and Instagram that opened their eyes to having open conversations regarding consent and others were upset by the fact that the only conversation we seemed to be having outside of this revolved around misconduct and the actions of the likes of Harvey Weinstein.

One person did actually mention the education of parents, I originally did not think about this as a good solution to the issue. However, they talked of bridging the age gap and the awkwardness of the issue, especially in approaching their teens about it. To educate parents is to ultimately educate the future.

I know this blog was quite heavy but this is a topic I am hugely passionate about progressing and hope to write more on in the future. I will continue to push for healthy, open conversation about sexual consent in all walks of life and hope that others will do the same. Universities, schools, colleges and workplaces are hugely crucial in making this possible and I would love to make it possible for this to be a standardised education programme like anti-drug campaigns and sex education are.

Above everything else I would like to thank all the people who took part in my 'survey' and I hope that you've enjoyed reading my blog. This information as earlier mention will hopefully be used in a future study and I can't thank you enough for all of your input.  I will be writing a less statistically informed blog in the near future on progression ideas and also more support for those who want more of a voice. 

Stay safe, look after each other and remember that there is always someone to speak to if you need them.

Much love,

- Chloe x

please find below a list of sexual misconduct help lines for the UK, Ireland and the US. If you are located elsewhere and would like help in finding a helpline, feel free to contact me and I'll give you all the time you would like to find you the support you need:

All of these countries can visit www.7cups.com (formerly 7cupsoftea) and speak to someone anonymously, whilst they cannot provide medical advice, they are there to listen and will be useful in directing you to useful helplines and services.

UK:

Find your nearest NHS support centre Click here!

FREE 24-hour National Domestic Violence Helpline 0808 2000 247

Rape Crisis: 0808 802 9999

Survivors.org: for Men who have been raped, assaulted or abused Click here!

Women's Aid: for Women and Children Click here!

Northern Ireland helpline: 0345 122 8687

Women's Aid Ireland: 1800 341 900 or Click here!

RapeCrisis Ireland: 1800 778888 or Click here!

USA:

National Sexual Violence Resource Center Hotline - 1-877-739-3895
Rape Abuse Incest National Network (RAINN) National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
Safe Helpline for Sexual Assault Support for the DoD Community - 1-877-995-5247
Not Alone: Click here!

https://theconsentcrew.org/category/education/marketing/

_{** SURVEY WAS TAKEN BY 30 WOMEN AND 19 MEN, NUMERICAL DIFFERENCES WERE DUE TO SOME QUESTIONS REMAINING UNANSWERED BY INDIVIDUALS**}