Should you go/go back to uni?

Firstly, I'm incredibly sorry it's been a while. But I am back and motivated and here to stay. Secondly, I would really really like to thank everyone who replied to my constant begging posts and told me about your university experience (or lack thereof).

I won't really bore you with my original university stint, anyone who has read any of my previous blogs or knows me in person will have heard the disaster that was my first degree. Check out my other blogs if you want to laugh at me. (( http://chloejadethoughts.blogspot.com/2017/09/back-to-uni.html )). But in all seriousness, I went to university the first time around because I felt like I had to, I was never given another option in my mind, University was painted as my amazing, perfect destination... But I wasn't the artist. Even when I dropped out of my first degree, after going to talk to someone about my career options I was basically told there was no good life out there for smart girls like me who drop out of uni. It was scary because I was genuinely afraid of my 'university experience' and the thought of going back repulsed me, but I didn't know if the thought of not having a successful future scared me more.

You watch the films and read online about what university is like. You drink a lot, eat from the pan and don't show up to your 9ams. But honestly, this truly isn't the experience I have had at either of the universities I have attended. At the University of Sheffield, I had amazing housemates, who made my time there worthwhile, and yes we drank quite a bit and yeah we ordered several pizzas. But it was the evenings watching Bake Off, or when we put up the Christmas decorations that comes to mind when I think of being with them. As for Chester, the first year was difficult for me, I am doing a dual-honours degree in Politics and History here, and during my first year, I found it incredibly hard to make friends. I didn't feel like I belonged there at all. I had to work as many hours as possible to be able to afford nice things and that meant I missed out on a lot. If it wasn't for joining debate society, I can honestly say things wouldn't have changed. It must be said that it's not all doom and gloom, you will meet amazing people at university, that could be a friend, a tutor, a co-worker. They will be the people who make your university experience worthwhile, so make sure you make an effort to meet people.

A pal of mine, Abi,  had very similar things to say. She worked a lot and never saw much of friends, it was definitely not what she expected. She said one thing in particular that stood out to me. "Uni is a choice and when I was 17 I didn't realise that I thought everyone had to go. If I'd have known what it was going to be like and all the debt I've acquired for a piece of paper at the end of it, I don't think I would have gone." which can be relatable for a lot of people.

Emily made note that, even if you aren't particularly enjoying it now, doesn't mean you always won't. In first year, she hated who she lived with and didn't really feel like she found a place. Now in second year, things are looking a lot brighter and university is where she wants to be.

I think it is important that schools stop deciding a students future for them. Of course *requested* advice is amazing and helpful but unwanted opinions and heavy expectation is unfair and totally unnecessary. For those going through the education system now, it is almost a given that you are going to be pushed towards university. My best friend was forced to produce an application to university knowing full well they didn't want to go. How does that possibly make sense? My little sister decided generally university isn't for her, she is now studying a hair and beauty course at college and already making money from it. My other best friend is killing it on an accounting course that will bypass the need for university completely. There are THOUSANDS of options for people who don't think university is for them (whether you've tried it or not), don't be scaremongered into thinking there isn't.

My honest and open advice to anyone is:

1. Don't be scared to say you're not ready.
   When I finished college, I hadn't thought about options other than university. I applied to do one of the three subjects I had from a levels and thought that was going to be my decision. I knew that deep down, at the time, I was academically exhausted. I needed time and advice, both things college and expectations don't seem to help with. Take your time, rash decisions get you somewhere you are completely unprepared for and down on yourself.
2. If you're not sure, don't bother.
   Are you just going to uni because you don't know what else to do? Do you actually enjoy this subject? You don't have to know where you are going with it, you just have to know that you want to spend at least 3 years getting there. Be confident, it'll get you far.
3. University isn't as scary as the memes would lead you to believe, you'll be fine.
   I have some of the best memories ever from my time at uni, even with how awful my academic life was. And whilst I am scared to go back, I'm twice as excited to see what this year has in store for me. The uni meme pages often petrified me because I assumed I'd be out of my depth. Just be prepared, have fun and be honest with the people around you, especially when you need help.

I am by no means trying to make people give up on going to university if that is what they truly want to do. I have had almost 40 people message me with what they loved about university. From the stereotypical image "the best nights out of my life, the embarrassing stories are to die for" to more academic views of "I genuinely feel at home academically here, growing up I was always teased for enjoying this kinda stuff and now it is celebrated". University opens the door to so many different events, opportunities and experiences that you couldn't dream of finding on your own, you speak to individuals who are wise beyond imagination and attend some of the coolest things. It was amazing to see how people felt about university, even with the same city, uni and department people's experiences are vastly different and yours will be too. But that's totally ok. Just make sure it's the experience you actually want not what other people want for you.

Over the next few weeks I'm going to open a forum on thestudentroom, to talk about this kind of thing. I urge people who are already at university, people who have been to university, those thinking of going and those who decided not to alike to join in the conversation and have your say.

20 things I've learnt in my 20 years.

Dear fifteen-year-old Chloe,

I'm sorry that you're not looking out for yourself, or after yourself. I'm sorry that you think that this is what you deserve. You are worth so much more than you think. I'm sorry that the doctors didn't listen. I'm sorry that the school has caused so many problems. I'm sorry that you are feeling the worst you've ever felt right now and I'm especially sorry that you don't know how to deal with these feelings. 

A week ago, I started talking to a friend about being younger and what we wished we would have known. I then opened the question up to people who follow me online to answer "what would you say to your fifteen-year-old self?". The answers definitely varied everything from "I'd tell myself to just shut up", to more genuine answers and even a (trigger warning) "it's coming home".

In my twenty years on this ever decaying planet, I've learned some things that past me could have really made use of. From talking to a few of you, it's clear that you could too. So, without any more ramblings, here are 20 things I've learnt in my life that I wish I'd have known earlier.

1. People don't care as much as you think they do: this one was a revelation that came when I went to college. When all of a sudden people who I would have imagined wouldn't even look me in the eye would sit and chat over a coffee both in leggings and a hoodie. It really was a shock to see that people have their own stuff to worry about and you wearing the same hoodie twice in one week is the last thought on their mind. 
2. Standing up for yourself isn't bitchy: if there is something that isn't sitting right with you, talk it out. It might seem like you're stirring up trouble. But you have to make sure you're absolutely happy with your involvement in anything. Nine times out of ten, you end up saying what other people are thinking anyway. 
3. Reading is cool: honestly soak up all that free reading time you have. The clock seems to go faster when you're older and there often isn't those moments where you can cosy up with a book. It's a perfect relaxation technique, and as crazy as it sounds it really is a fast track to greater enjoyment study and research for later in life. 
4. Listen to your parents: Honestly, with my parents, this was hard to admit. I've always been pretty independent so I genuinely always believe I was right. As cliche as this sounds, they really are just looking out for you.
   
5. Listen to your grandparents: now this one is probably my most important note on this list. It is threefold. First of all, your grandparents have so much unconditional love for you it's insane, they only say things because they believe it's the right thing to say. Secondly, they see enough of your life to know what's going on, but they're not always directly involved, your grandparents are a wonderful outside point of view to refer to. And lastly, aside from their advice and rules, as heartbreaking as it is, they won't be around forever. Listen to their stories and their ramblings, let them show you old photos and teach them how to use Facebook and their new tv and phones. Cherise every moment with them, they're little pieces of wonder you'll never replace. 
   
   
   
6. You don't always have to be strong: Honestly, it's ok to cry. Anywhere, anytime, if you need to let down those barriers, I beg you to do so. Even if you feel like the only person holding things together, this is one time faking it till you make it won't work. You deserve to feel as much as everyone else. 
7. Ask for help: I can't explain how hard this realisation was for me. Asking for help is something I rarely did, and I weirdly took pride in this. From homework to medical help, as hard as it may seem, there is nothing wrong and nothing painful about asking for help. Believe me. 
   
8. Never forget to live in the moment: stop planning, promising yourself things based on what you expect of yourself. There are so many amazing things happening around you right now. 
   
9. There is so much joy in looking at photos: whilst living in the moment is amazing, memories are captured perfectly in a photo. If you get a chance to take a shot without taking away from what is happening, DO IT. They make for an amazing smile on a bad day and you'll hold onto that moment forever in that image. 
   
   
10. Prioritising yourself sometimes isn't selfish: Anyone that knows me will probably tell you I'm a mum friend and overall a very maternal person. I love looking after others and will do everything in my power to help make people's lives just that little bit easier. But sometimes I forget about my own stuff. Taking some time to just put yourself first is not selfish and is sensible. How are you meant to be there for others if you're not the best version of yourself?
11. Have house parties whilst you can: a little more lighthearted but nightclubs are shit and house parties are ace and the availability of those when you get old enough to go out are slim to none. Live your best life every chance you get and house party it up.
12. You don't have to have it all together, nobody else does: looking around you at any age you can feel as though everyone else has it all planned. They know how to pass that exam or what they are gonna do with their life. Yea,h some people are better prepared than others, but as long as you are happy and still trying you're doing great. Nobody has their shit together. You're fine. 
    
13. Don't be ashamed of a bargain: don't spend money on things you are never gonna use. It may look cool, but you're gonna spend most of your early adult life strapped for cash and if you can get a bargain, DO IT. Ain't no shame in value for money.  
14. Learn how to cook from family, not from recipes: I don't know if this is just me but recipes just don't materialise in something that is actually good. I'm academically minded so usually reading stuff and recreating it is my shit, but when it comes to cooking it's a no from me. Spend some time with the better cooks in your family, cook with them and see what they do, their little spins on meals that make them taste so good. Family time and life skills in one. Nailed it. 
15. Buy a slow-cooker: Again this may just be me, but after coming home from a late shift at work or uni, I don't even wanna think about cooking. That's when takeaway becomes tempting, and that's when you start to get fat and unhealthy (it's a slippery slope I've lived and regretted). My mind was absolutely blown when I realised it wasn't just stew and soup you could stick in the pot. If it was up to me I'd never use my oven again. I'm a slow cooker advocate through and through, it's just so handy.
16. Trust yourself: nobody knows you better than you do. Whilst, like I have already mentioned you should listen to your parents and grandparents, all of the decisions you make as you grow older are yours to make. Some of them are much harder than others and what might seem like the wrong decision to everyone else may seem like the best or only decision to you. It's your life and you have to live with the decision you make, not them.
17. Be honest, there's no point in living a lie: there are times in my life I've lived in little lies and I've often pushed an idealised version of myself. At the end of the day, the people you care about most, those who care about you most, will know the truth and deserve to.
18. It's ok to fail: damn this one hit me in the face like a bitch slap on steroids. As my earlier blogs have shown, in my early life I was PETRIFIED to fail, so much so that I either pushed myself too hard at the things I knew I was pretty good at or completely avoided those things I knew there was a possibility things would go bad. Failure really isn't that big of a deal, it often just gets you closer to definite success. Coming to terms with failure is the first sign that you will be successful. 
19. Your friends are as much your family as anyone: They are there through all the same things and hopefully will be around for everything to come. Treat them well and don't forget to keep in touch in times when they're not around the way you're used to them being. 
    
20. There is nothing wrong with baby steps: this is my absolutely lasting message. It's something I wish I'd have known from like age ten and want to remember for the rest of my life. Life is not a race and every small victory is still very much a victory. There is no time limit to your goals, let yourself be brave in your own time. 

I'd love to hear if you resonated with any of the things I have learnt or there is anything you think I should know about life going forward. I really appreciate all the answers that people gave to my Instagram and Facebook questions, they went into the list I created in many ways. Our fifteen-year-old selves should be proud of the people we have become, even if it wasn't what they were expecting. 

I want to be more active on here again moving into summer and my second year of university. I'm always open to ideas and if anyone wants in on a blog project I've had some thoughts. 

Until next time.

Much love, 

~ Chloe x

How to get the summer body you've always dreamed of!

I have written and rewritten this blog a thousand times since I began writing blogs at all, but from looking around me recently I am just sick of hearing people not doing what they want to do because they are self concious about the way they look. With summer coming up, the body poitivity movement needs to be stronger than ever. You deserve to not feel like you have to worry about your tummy rolls or untone arms when you're just trying to have a good day.

These are all photos I have take in the past 2 years, and in looking at each of them I saw only flaws but presented a positive and honestly fake body positive outlook of them online. I’d fallen into an incredibly unhealthy relationship with food and it showed in how I saw myself. My weight went up and down and I never saw anything but how awful I looked.

 And girl, in most of these I looked DAMN FINE!! I wish I still looked like that now but I am also glad that I can see the value of my body over how much I weigh or a little bit (or a lot a bit) of jiggle.

I'm the first person every day to notice my body's flaws, probably not the last, but first place is reserved for me. My whole life, I have never been confident about the way I look. Through high school, I was a round, large breasted, awkward teen who never really mastered makeup and not much has changed to this day.

I have spent too long breathing in and strategically standing in photos, when I could just enjoy myself. Losing such amazing moments to thoughts about losing weight is so pointless and so depressing. I by no mean like the way my body looks, my weight goes up and down like a yo-yo and yet I am forever squishy, but that doesn't mean I don't deserve to enjoy myself.

The main difference between me then and me now? Now, I am the person who controls how I feel about my body and me alone. And whilst I'm never going to stop trying to be the best version of me, I'm also very adamant to be in love with me as I am at present. I mean just look at these photos from the past year or so.

Every single person I have ever met at some point in their life has had at least some form of body confidence issues, male, female, young, old, big or small it is something we really struggle with, it can also lead down a much more difficult road. Body dysmorphia is very real in many forms, and from this stems eating disorders (of all types), depression and in some cases even suicidal thoughts. In a world where looks are deemed so important it is too easy to become obsessed with how your flaws. With every reality TV star trying to flog you "skinny teas" and "appetite suppressant lollipops" makes you think to be hungry is a bad thing. You know what tastes AND feels better than going hungry. EATING!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling good about your body, whatever it looks like. As long as you're physically healthy and happy. Not one other thing matters. And before all the health scare worriers start saying I am promoting obesity, first of all, go fuck yourself. Secondly, there is such thing as eating well and fully without cutting out meals and detoxing all of the fun out of your diet.

Diets are never going to solve your problems, by all means, change your eating habits to engage with a healthier lifestyle. But fad diets and constantly looking for a quick fix will only promote an unhealthy attitude towards yourself that you really don't deserve. And as summer comes along, and you want to pop on that bikini and tan? Or jump in the pool with your pals? Or even just to take your kids swimming? DO IT. Take control of the fact that your body IS a bikini body. Guys, worried about taking your top off at the beach? Not sure about your arms? You do you boy, get your belly out and forget about it, you'll regret not getting involved more than you would regret someone having to see you with your shirt off.

ALL people deserve to feel positive about their body. Nobody should feel ashamed of the way they look. And if people are trying to change, as long as their doing it for themselves in a safe and healthy way, hell yeah I support it.



Be kind to each other this summer, respect each other's insecurities. Treat each other with love and absolutely make all the plans you can. Summer comes to an end, and this is England, it's gonna be proper naff when it starts to go grey again.

Don't ask people about or point out their scars, their bumps, their loose skin, cellulite, dark underarms or body hair etc. Let's make this the summer where people make memories, not give up on them because their too self-conscious to do the things they want to.

So yeah, forget what all the women's mags and snapchat ads tell you, the best way to get a summer body in less than a week is to let go of what others think. The only person who can judge you is you, so be kind to yourself and remember what's important. I know this is all much more easily said than done, but believe me, another day forcing yourself to diet is another day you're not living your best life. You are beautiful if your butt is huge or non-existent. You are beautiful if you have toned, muscular arms or bingo wings You are beautiful if you are a small, tall, skinny, fat, lanky, G cup, A cup, single, taken, gay, straight, bi, asexual, trans, any shape, size, age, gender or sexuality. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL if you let yourself be.

Wear that dress you love, be bold with your colours, treat yourself to some cute new sunglasses. Oh and don't forget sun cream.

Eat well, dress cute and make memories.

Much love,

~ Chloe x

Summer, Growing Up and Other Thoughts

If you've ever had the unfortunate experience of meeting me, finding my social media or even coming within 100m of my existence, you'll know how much I love to talk about my friends. I always have been and always will be their ultimate hype squad. I have been lucky to have been surrounded by the most amazing people my whole life, pretty much a street away or short walk at most. Because of this, it is safe to say that I spent the first 18 years of my life barely apart from them. At twenty, spread across the world and incredibly busy, this is no longer so much a possibility. Most of the year I can come to terms with this, summer is not one of those times.

As long as I can remember, the second the sun came out, it was a sign that we should definitely be doing something together. One of my earliest memories of being with my friends was being in the paddling pool with Jamie and Emma, or when we'd roast marshmallows over a burning log in Emma's garden. As we grew up, this never changed.

Every single summer, I can remember spending most of it with my favourite losers by my side. 

 

I probably couldn't even begin to explain how many hours we sat in or under a tree in our local park. Most of my high school age years, any chance we got we were there or costa, without much of a plan, usually just some sweets and some crazy scheme about how our future would end up. This all sounds a little rose-tinted as I write it down, but I swear, every word of it is true.

And when it got dark, or cold or it rained... Kate's bedroom was always ready for us to all snuggle up together in. We all hold her bed in the highest and fondest light, I've never been comfier in my life. Facemasks, fruit and REALLY good brews (even if she did put a ladle of sugar in once when I asked for "one big spoon of sugar"), bad weather never stopped our stupid antics. Not with Kate's beautiful DVD collection. 

I put a post up on facebook a few years back that came up in my memories recently that quoted Josh saying "I was gonna throw your dad in the pool Chlo, but he is too much of a hench so I threw his shoes in instead." My friends became my family and my family loved them like they were too, every year we had results day parties, with us lot and some years had parents, grandparents and siblings too. It was still just as hilarious and fun. We'd spent so long revising together (and very much not revising together), that it was really the biggest relief and blow off of steam, it was amazing.

Leaving high school only made this more fun, we travelled and we did more and more. Leeds Fest was wet, cold and insane but I loved (almost) every second of it because I spent all my time with the greatest people in the world. That same year, and warning again if you know me you're probably sick of hearing about this, my pals and I decided to book a little holiday together. We looked at everything, Amsterdam, Paris, Spain... And ended up in Penmaenmawr, Wales... Population about 4, but I have never had more fun. We just relished in doing what we wanted, which was going to the beach, making roast dinners, eating chinese and watching the scream films. Nothing more sums us up than that trip away and I wouldn't want anything to.

That was our last summer before we all went off into the real world, into to university, into jobs, all over the country, and in some cases, all over the world. And it got hard. Don't get me wrong, you won't a group chat more active than ours, nor will you find people more determined to make plans work. But sometimes they just... don't. 

Growing up in a close group of friends is amazing. You become completely different people but would not change a thing. Watching all my pals do amazing things is what makes me happier than anything else, and being there for them when they're struggling is my main priority. The latter is much harder when you can't put your shoes on over your bed socks and head on over for a cuddle and that was something I was thoroughly unprepared for. 

I know, I know that it's just a part of growing up. You see it all the time in stupid BuzzFeed comics. But it doesn't make it any easier. Tonight, my pals that are back at home phoned me and asked if I was working Sunday (of course, I was) and if not to come have a "girls" night tomorrow. Trying to schedule plans is something we were always awful at because we never had to do it. Trying to organise something now, when people work all the time and live all over the place and have a hundred other commitments is near impossible. And while we all understand why it's not always possible for us all to be there, it doesn't make it any easier. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is, things are gonna change. But don't ever lose sight of how amazing and wonderful those friendships can be. It's easy to see the drifting trend that has occurred with other friends earlier in life. But honestly one night back together and you'll know that's not true. Nobody makes you smile like they do, and there is a reason for that. 

This summer might be different. The summer holidays might be a thing of the past. But summer memories don't have to be. Ring your pal, tell them you love them. Just kidding, text them, calling them might worry them. 

The proof really is in the pudding. These losers are my world. Even if it is for one night only, make sure you live your best life with your best people. 

Sorry for the soppy rant guys, I needed it. I have another blog coming this weekend that is more targeted at everyone. I hope you enjoyed it anyway and think about calling your pal.

Much love,

Chloe x

Let’s Talk About Sexual Consent

** Before I start this blog I would like to issue a trigger warning, this blog will talk through sexual consent and this issues surrounding it. This blog is focused on people's experience with discussion surrounding sexual consent thus far and how we can improve this, but a warning is issued none the less. **

http://www.safeground.org.uk/step-1-sexual-consent-training/

Hey guys, so this blog is something I've been working on and looking forward to putting together for quite a while now. From talking to over 30 different people: men and women of a variety of ages, I have gathered a rather scary set of data which illustrates some incredibly important points surrounding sexual consent education.

I asked my friends, followers and whoever would listen to answer a series of questions regarding how often they have been spoken to about sexual consent and how they feel about voicing their opinion even now. First of all, I'd like to share the results from the questions I asked numerically and then talk about what people had to say on the issue separately.

*note: the male female split is not to attack either gender, but to express feelings on both sides and to express the gender input in the issue.

1. In previous/ current relationships, do you think consent is something you could talk about openly and comfortably? (the answers to this question is in no way damning, but about how comfortable people have been in discussing it properly and openly)

YES:                                                             NO:
Male:  14                                                      Male: 3
Female: 10                                                    Female: 10
Total:  24                                                       Total: 13

This question I wanted to be included, not to shame people, but to try and gage what people understood about consent within relationships and their confidence within relationships to be able to voice any feelings about sexual consent, whether that be amongst themselves or more generally. The results were very varied with people saying that the conversation HAD occurred but it wasn't something that they felt came up often or in some cases enough, a few also mentioned that it was very much "is this ok?" in the moment which can often feel incredibly pressured if the conversation has never come up in the past. The element of trust in relationships often replaces the physical "yes/no" approach but from what I've heard from the answers to this question, more open conversation would be beneficial in understanding a partners feelings and ultimately progressing a more healthy and loving relationship.

2. Do you feel comfortable when you are at gigs with regards to the people around you and with voicing concerns about consent in this environment?

YES:                                                             NO:
Male: 10                                                       Male: 1
Female: 9                                                     Female: 11
Total: 19                                                       Total: 12

The rise of social media campaigns such as @safegigs4women (who I have contacted in the hope of a future blog with) and #metoo have allowed for a safe place for people to express themselves and share experiences, however difficult that may be for them. There has also been a number of cases of bands and artists stopping shows to point out and stamp out misconduct. However, despite growing support, as pointed out by a friend of mine "gigs are difficult because the anonymity of the crowd and the volume of the music make it difficult to communicate the types of interactions you do or do not want." 

Going forward, I think it's important to make people more aware of issues that can happen at gigs and festivals, especially due to the high levels of drug and alcohol intake, and help educate staff and bystanders in their reaction as well as teaching more people to understand the boundaries of sexual consent.

3. Do you feel comfortable when are you on nights out and in other crowded areas with regards to the people around you and with voicing concerns about consent in this environment?

YES:                                                             NO:
Male: 11                                                       Male: 1
Female: 2                                                     Female: 28
Total: 13                                                       Total: 29

From this you can clearly see the male female divide, even the men I spoke to, literally used the phrase "well with being a boy, yeah. I know I wouldn't if I was a girl, not a chance". Crazy isn't it? A lot of people made time to talk to me about night out culture, telling me the most horrendous stories of things they'd experienced or witnessed on a night out. The only time I've ever had to speak to a bouncer about not being kicked out of a club was after hitting a guy for trying to feel up a friend of mine who I was literally carrying out because she couldn't stand up, like seriously... She couldn't have even said a word at the point.

A good friend of mine actually pointed out that universities have nothing in place as punishment for this type of behaviour and even more importantly, staff in clubs are not trained on how to deal with incidents of misconduct on themselves let alone when they witness it happening to other people. On the internet I have started to see that some clubs, a lot of them being LGBT clubs, have began to introduce safety measures such as the 'Angel Shot' and other signalling ideas but they are yet to be universal. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help in this type of situation, to fear that the bartender will have no idea what you're talking about is often enough for people to continue to suffer in silence.

 

Can I suggest that people contact their local/favourite bars and your universities SU to inquire as to whether this is something that the offer? Look after each other people.

4. Do you feel like at a younger age (school onwards), you spoke much about sexual consent with family and friends?

YES:                                                             NO:
Male:  1                                                        Male: 12
Female: 2                                                      Female: 29
Total:  3                                                        Total: 41

I was genuinely shocked to actually only hear that only 3 people had been openly talking about sexual consent at this age. This reflects a taboo, whilst children are being educated about drugs, sex and crime, this is something kept quite and this means they aren't conversing amongst themselves on the issue. This leads to further problems and much like with other issues treated similarly, such as mental health, people are left to suffer alone if they feel something isn't right as they don't know HOW to speak up about it. 

5. Do you think you would find this awkward or uncomfortable at the time?

YES:                                                             NO:
Male:  13                                                      Male: 1
Female: 15                                                    Female: 9
Total:  28                                                       Total: 10

Generally people didn't feel too awkward about talking to their friends, if the HAD to but family were generally a different story. Some mentioned how they were lucky as they were open and comfortable with a least one family member so occasionally spoke on the issue, however many pointed out this was something, especially in their early teens they couldn't think of anything worse than doing. 

6. What about now, do you find it hard to talk about?

YES:                                                             NO:
Male:  5                                                        Male: 9
Female: 12                                                   Female: 12
Total:  17                                                      Total: 21

The answers I received to this question were really pleasant. Many people said that there was at least one person they were happy talking to, but it still wasn't something that came up. A lot of people said that it'd still be awkward if it came up with certain members of family or in school.

7. Have you ever been spoken to professionally by a teacher or workplace regarding the issue?

YES:                                                             NO:
Male: 0                                                        Male: 19
Female: 2                                                     Female: 28
Total: 2                                                         Total: 47

ONE person, a singular person said they'd been spoken to about sexual consent in the workplace. This is ridiculous. One person mentioned how there had been a compulsory workshop at her university, however she felt it to be incredibly condescending and disrespectful to those who had been victims of sexual misconduct as opposed to aiding the education of sexual consent and encouraging towards healthy conversation on the issue. 

Education and conversation is so important for both genders and all ages, in all walks of life. In schools we can start to let people know that it's ok to voice their opinion when they don't feel comfortable, even within a relationship. Now, it is common knowledge that a lot of teens do lose their virginity or at least experience their first sexual encounter whilst still in compulsory education, therefore it should be the centre of sex education and more general conversation in schools that sexual consent is not something to be assumed or overlooked. It would also allow for them to understand the concept more, removing confusion and giving them confidence and security for the future.  

In the workplace, there are people of all ages, genders and sexualities, from all over the globe. People have grown in in lots of different environments and had different experiences. To teach and talk about sexual consent in the workplace in a standardised way would protect everyone and allow people in and out of work to enjoy themselves without fear or irritation. 

8. Where do you think this needs to be talked about more?

People overwhelmingly presented a case for school education on sexual consent, making it the centre of sex ed. Many people also mentioned that they think universities should do more to educate about night out culture and sexual consent.

Personally, I was completely shocked by the fact that ONLY two people out of everyone I spoke to had been spoken to professionally about voicing and understanding sexual consent and only one of each was in education and then once in the workplace. This is frightening as how can people feel like it is a subject not to feel awkward about if they are made to feel as though it is too taboo for work and schools.

A close friend of mine actually made an incredibly good point about teaching consent at a much earlier age than we've already talked about. This would not actually entail sexual consent as such, but from starting school teaching children 'don't hug them right now, they've asked you not to' and 'you mustn't go in their personal space unless they've said it's ok' as this would instil a sense of respect and understanding of consent in children from a young age, making it much easier for them to grasp in the context of what we are discussing at a much later age.

9. How do you think we can raise more awareness?

A lot of people struggled to give an answer to this one, the main think people hoped for is for education at a younger age on the issue. People regularly pointed out it is only the likes of twitter and Instagram that opened their eyes to having open conversations regarding consent and others were upset by the fact that the only conversation we seemed to be having outside of this revolved around misconduct and the actions of the likes of Harvey Weinstein.

One person did actually mention the education of parents, I originally did not think about this as a good solution to the issue. However, they talked of bridging the age gap and the awkwardness of the issue, especially in approaching their teens about it. To educate parents is to ultimately educate the future.

I know this blog was quite heavy but this is a topic I am hugely passionate about progressing and hope to write more on in the future. I will continue to push for healthy, open conversation about sexual consent in all walks of life and hope that others will do the same. Universities, schools, colleges and workplaces are hugely crucial in making this possible and I would love to make it possible for this to be a standardised education programme like anti-drug campaigns and sex education are.

Above everything else I would like to thank all the people who took part in my 'survey' and I hope that you've enjoyed reading my blog. This information as earlier mention will hopefully be used in a future study and I can't thank you enough for all of your input.  I will be writing a less statistically informed blog in the near future on progression ideas and also more support for those who want more of a voice. 

Stay safe, look after each other and remember that there is always someone to speak to if you need them.

Much love,

- Chloe x

please find below a list of sexual misconduct help lines for the UK, Ireland and the US. If you are located elsewhere and would like help in finding a helpline, feel free to contact me and I'll give you all the time you would like to find you the support you need:

All of these countries can visit www.7cups.com (formerly 7cupsoftea) and speak to someone anonymously, whilst they cannot provide medical advice, they are there to listen and will be useful in directing you to useful helplines and services.

UK:

Find your nearest NHS support centre Click here!

FREE 24-hour National Domestic Violence Helpline 0808 2000 247

Rape Crisis: 0808 802 9999

Survivors.org: for Men who have been raped, assaulted or abused Click here!

Women's Aid: for Women and Children Click here!

Northern Ireland helpline: 0345 122 8687

Women's Aid Ireland: 1800 341 900 or Click here!

RapeCrisis Ireland: 1800 778888 or Click here!

USA:

National Sexual Violence Resource Center Hotline - 1-877-739-3895
Rape Abuse Incest National Network (RAINN) National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
Safe Helpline for Sexual Assault Support for the DoD Community - 1-877-995-5247
Not Alone: Click here!

https://theconsentcrew.org/category/education/marketing/

_{** SURVEY WAS TAKEN BY 30 WOMEN AND 19 MEN, NUMERICAL DIFFERENCES WERE DUE TO SOME QUESTIONS REMAINING UNANSWERED BY INDIVIDUALS**}

Dare To Dream

During the last twelve month the phrase "so what's the plan?" was completely banned in my house. Nobody except me was allowed to even whisper the idea and if they did it led to a heated debate and me sobbing my heart out.

I didn't know where I was in life or what to do next. Every opportunity I was blessed with led to me being told that I was either over or under qualified and I was sad and defeated. Most nights I searched the internet for jobs that didn't require a degree but were interesting, not to much success, and spent most days feeling worn down by it. I saw careers officers and college lecturers, most of whom made me cry, nothing seemed to fit. Most people just expected me to just go to university, not realising how scary that idea had become to me.

It took a really bad memory and a short stint in the worst job I've ever had to kick some motivation into me. In the space of three weeks I'd grovelled for my old (amazing) job back, I'd applied for a new university and started my course there. I stopped being scared, because I realised it wasn't that hard to allow myself to dare to dream. The process was petrifying and I still had a lot of intrusive, anxious days But for the first time since leaving my first university, I let my dad ask me what my plan was and I gave him an answer. I've began to apply this to more of my everyday life.

Recently I've been listening to a lot of podcasts, they help me sleep and help me relax whilst I study. They're usually completely irrelevant to my life and not often about things I'm planning to become invested in. However, I have thoroughly enjoyed every single one. Being a McFly fan from a young age, I heard about Giovanna Fletcher's (Tom Fletcher's wife) podcast based on her book 'Happy Mum, Happy Baby'. Currently, I am not a mum nor do I have any upcoming plans to be in the near future, however the honesty and lighthearted approach to some often incredibly sensitive issues (note: especially in her podcasts with friend Izzy Judd and husband Tom Fletcher) have really made me stop and think about a few things similar to apply in my life.

After going through awful experiences in life, we can't let ourselves be afraid to try again. We can't shut down and give up. Unfortunately, retiring to your bedroom in you parents house before you turn 20 is not an option. You have to get back up, dust yourself off and give life another go, however you approach it this time around. It might take time, and how long is a matter of the individual, but you can come back from this, whatever it may be.

I have officially decided to start writing a book, following the same lines as my blog and touching on stories like this. Hopefully, in the future I want to use my degree to become a motivational speaker, especially to students who don't feel like they're not heading in the right direction. This is something that January 2017 me would have found laughable, speaking in front of my family about struggles gave me panic attacks, never mind people I'd never met. Nevertheless, this confidence to let myself try and allowing myself to accept that failure isn't the end of the world has gotten me far.

Don't give up on the things you love, be that person that strives for perfection, but don't let yourself forget that failure is not the end. You don't have to be the best, you just have to be the best you can be.

Look after yourself.

Much love,

- Chloe x

Save The Last Dance for YOU

Whether you're at university, working, looking after children or working on your career, days are long and often stressful. Even more so if you're doing more than one at once. I'm a full time student with a part time job, which is unfortunately the reality for most students now because of how expensive it is to fund your further education. Alike most, my loans do not even cover my accommodation, let alone anything else. I don't have a day off and I often work late into the night on one commitment or another. Sometimes, it is easy to forget that the most important thing is taking some time to just... not. To just stop for a while and take a step back and look after myself.

In the past, I'd do this by treating myself to a face mask or going out for dinner. It was something that kept my moral up and let me let go of whatever I had on my mind. However, I have found that this became more of a 'reward', this isn't what I wanted. Making time for yourself shouldn't be something you do because you did other aspects of your life well, but a necessity so that you CAN do other things well. Looking after your physical and mental health is not a treat. You deserve better. Think about that next time you're feeling guilty for not doing something with that spare half an hour you've been blessed with.

I put up Instagram pictures and tweets about this a lot but you DO matter and you I want more people to themselves first when they can. Taking some time for yourself doesn't have to be a big deal, nor does it have to be expensive. At the moment I have been taking an hour in the evening to play a game, read something that has nothing to do with my course or even just lay in bed. I have given myself a more extensive face care routine which I have loved getting doing because it really makes me fell so refreshed and more like I've got my life together. But after going through a very stressful year I feel so much more relaxed and at peace with myself, despite living in very similar conditions.

Above everything else I just want people to understand that you're not meant to have your mind running 24 hours a day, you don't have to work until something is 100% finished every time. Stop for a while (doesn't matter how long, my  main 'stop' was for eight months whilst I rethought university) just let yourself breathe.

TAKE A BREAK. YOU WON'T REGRET IT :)

Much love,

Chloe x

"New Year, New Me."

It might come as a shock to some people, but you don't actually have to wait until January first to set yourself a fresh start with goals and ambitions for the future.

I spent many years of my life waiting for new years, with my list of resolutions to start that I already knew I would failed miserably in completing. "Get Fit!" "Eat healthier!" "Do all my homework on the day I get it!", you're lying to yourself. And you know it.

This year, personally, has been a tough one and I'm sure I'm not alone with being completely over 2017. But that doesn't mean I have to wait to start fresh, at the end of the day, nothing happens overnight. Be sensible and realistic. I find I am easily disheartened if I lose sight of my goals, even just one and I end up on a quick downward spiral of 'fuck it' that gets me nowhere. This year, I have decided to start setting my goals in a way that keeps me invested.

They tend to fall into one of three categories:

1. Goals that I WILL DEFINITELY achieve: things like 'go to work on time' and 'visit nan and grandad'. These should be things you have plenty of intention of doing, and things that don't require going outside of your routine too much, if at all. This keeps you motivated, but also keeps you working on the basics whilst you are focused elsewhere.

2. Goals that I SHOULD achieve: with some effort, goals such as 'keep up to date on lecture notes' and 'avoid ridiculous spending on meal deals' can be implemented and achieved. These goals should be causing little changes to your daily routine but shouldn't be difficult to enforce. This will slowly become habit and you won't mind making that lunch box in a morning or spending an hour or so every night typing up what you did that day.

3. Goals that I WANT to achieve: so this is where the real work comes in, these are often long term goals such as 'save up for that apartment' or 'get the grades I need for uni'. These are bold and difficult goals that, if achieved, would change your life. These goals should have more flexibility in but you should ultimately be working towards the best scenario, it's incredibly motivating to have this 'end game'.

A lot of people set time frames for their goals, I don't. Not properly anyway. Some aspirations have a natural or obvious end point, such as exam results or if it involves regular actions. However, generally I find that putting pressure on yourself to achieve before a certain point leads to fake results and almost immediate regression after the finish line. Be brave, be enthusiastic, but be sensible. Don't put pressure on yourself to do things you're not ready for, take your time and you will achieve great things. 

Right now my goals are simple: 

1. Make time for important people in my life 

2. Budget well

3. 2:1 or above in first year

They are basic but they make sense. You should allow yourself that simplicity, if you smash these, AMAZING. Set more, or even reward yourself with the luxury that life is going pretty well and keep up the good habits. Above everything else, don't be afraid of change, because you don't know where it might lead. 

Much love,

- Chloe x

Back to Uni !!

So anyone that knows me knows that my first attempt at uni went, in a word, disastrous. After almost a year of thinking it through, I now know exactly why, but I wouldn't change a thing... Despite my £7000 of pointless debt.

Set the scene, you've spent the entirety of your earlier terms of your A2 year putting together your UCAS application for a degree, then waiting on responses and ultimately waiting on results. You study DAMN HARD and hope for the best, only to then decide less than a week before results day that the academic life isn't for you and you want to be more creative... Maybe study a language, or an art... Maybe JAPANESE. Yep, this idiot made a very last minute change from a politics degree, to Japanese. The lovely guy on the phone explained it was a complete beginners course and you didn't need any prior knowledge and that my expected grades were more than enough. Sure enough, results day rolled around and I had success, gaining myself a place at the University of Sheffield to do Japanese Studies. Honestly, I was excited.

Then term started...

The "beginners" course was a rather loose term, and the pace of learning was quick! If you have a talent for languages or are already on basics terms with Japanese this course would be perfect, it's really interesting and works at a pace that you could hold your own in conversation within a year. Not to mention how exciting the year abroad would be. But for little old me who hadn't even mastered the Japanese alphabets by the end of freshers week, not so great. The first term was hell, I tried my best to turn up to every session and I didn't go out much because I was studying (or napping) a lot, but very quickly I felt myself giving up. Speaking sessions brought me to tears and the catch up sessions were deemed pointless by the fact that I didn't even know the previous weeks work, never mind catch up on this week. I never, technically, failed anything... But I definitely quit whilst I was ahead.

I never returned to lessons after Christmas, I took leave of absence that eventually led me to drop out in the summer. Despite the fact the I couldn't stand my course, my Sheffield experience was far from bad. For one, I had the most amazing flatmates and they are friends I will hopefully have for life. The memories I made from sitting on the couch for bake off to messy nights at Corp and Poptarts I will cherish forever.

 Medics Bar Crawl (Did Tom mention he was a medic?)

Halloween (I've never been more proud of anything than Dylan's face paint that night. My university success right there)

Thank you to these beautiful humans for making my uni experience worthwhile. 

Not forgetting my coursemates who never stopped making me giggle when we'd sit in Sophie's flat to avoid speaking class watching Korean TV dramas, or that one time we thought Ben had gone home but he'd actually been past out drunk in the toilets for two hours. 

 Oh Ben.

So upon leaving, I was not a happy gal. But I was lucky enough to have full support from my friends and family. I got a job after a few months and my confidence came back in drabs. I made a few decisions about my future, to no avail, applying for jobs I wasn't quite qualified for and a course I wasn't experienced enough to do. Which all led to this point, with a quick decision that is actually a complete 360, i'm going back to university... To do politics.

This is where a lot of people were like, see you're doing what you wanted to do in the first place, but they couldn't be more wrong. There is nothing, a year ago, I wanted to less than politics, I was over doing what people wanted me to. That's why my advice to you here is threefold:

1. Don't be scared to say you're not ready.
   When I finished college, I hadn't thought about options other than university. I applied to do one of the three subjects I had from a levels and thought that was going to be my decision. I knew that deep down, at the time, I was academically exhausted. I needed time and advice, both things college and expectations don't seem to help with. Take your time, rash decisions get you somewhere you are completely unprepared for and down on yourself.
2. If you're not sure, don't bother.
   Are you just going to uni because you don't know what else to do? Do you actually enjoy this subject? You don't have to know where you are going with it, you just have to know that you want to spend at least 3 years getting there. Be confident, it'll get you far.
3. University isn't as scary as the memes would lead you to believe, you'll be fine.
   I have some of the best memories ever from my time at uni, even with how awful my academic life was. And whilst I am scared to go back, I'm twice as excited to see what this year has in store for me. The uni meme pages often petrified me because I assumed I'd be out of my depth. Just be prepared, have fun and be honest with the people around you, especially when you need help.

To those starting university this September (whatever year), best of luck. You'll smash it! And to those who are thinking of applying for next year, do your research and don't be afraid to apply in the direction you think is best, other people's advice can only take you so far. 

Much love,

- Chloe x