Mental Health and Education: BELIEVE ME, you're not alone.

TRIGGER WARNING: mental illness, anxiety, depression, alcohol

On the 17th March 2019, I popped up a post on my instagram story basically saying "I'm writing a blog on mental health in the education system, let me know if you have anything to say", from this I had dozens of replies from friends, family and people who just wanted to share their story. Honestly, I was taken back by everyone's input and I really want to do everything you guys have said to me in confidence justice.

Anyone who has ever met me, or has been to this blog before knows my story, so I'll keep this as short and sweet as possible. Set the scene, you've spent the entirety of your earlier terms of your A2 year putting together your UCAS application for a degree, then waiting on responses and ultimately waiting on results. You study DAMN HARD and hope for the best, only to then decide less than a week before results day that the academic life isn't for you and you want to be more creative... Maybe study a language, or an art... Maybe JAPANESE. Yep, this idiot made a very last minute change from a politics degree, to Japanese. The lovely guy on the phone explained it was a complete beginners course and you didn't need any prior knowledge and that my expected grades were more than enough. Sure enough, results day rolled around and I had success, gaining myself a place at the University of Sheffield to do Japanese Studies. Honestly, I was excited.

For a number of reasons, my mental health whilst I was in Sheffield was quite possibly the worst it's ever been, yet I did nothing about it. The summer before I had began to spiral but hoped that going to university would somehow miraculously fix this issue. I drank a bottle of wine like it was a meal, either didn't leave bed or didn't go to bed at all. If I wasn't drunk or asleep I was likely to be crying. The worst part was that ultimately, I didn't say a thing until deciding to drop out.
The next year was tough but I went back to University the following academic term at the University of Chester. Politics and History this time (Japanese wasn't for me, shock). My mental illnesses didn't go away, I wish. But I once again learnt what they were to me, and how I could help myself live happily with them. My anxiety became something that made me actively make friends, I joined debate society and fell in love with those losers. They make up most of my good memories, and I knew that even with y anxiety, I was safe around them. Two years later I stood in front of a room of those people and made an speech, that day I was elected President of the society.

This is not to say I'm free from my troubles. But it does get easier, I learnt to know and love myself a little better. I visited wellbeing teams when lectures became overwhelming and I have counselling for when my thoughts are stronger than my motivation. I became proactive about my mental health. It took time, but university and education can be hard at the best of times. Sometimes I forget to wash my hair, never mind listening to a self care podcast. But little by little you can piece together what works for you.

It was astounding to hear how many of stories sounded so similar to mine. Especially the fact we all felt so alone in them. There was something so concerning about how much pressure was put on young people going into university or college. So many people mentioned the aspect of just "hoping it'd fix itself" before they rocked up on campus. Wishing for the experience that they saw in films and tv shows, when in reality things don't always work out that way. Long hours in your room with your own thoughts is hard. The reality for some looks so much more like "mostly surviving on ramen - noodles literally cooked from the hot water tap in my room because I didn't want to be around my flat mates.". Admitting to yourself that you’re not having a good time is hard enough, let alone to your tutors, doctors or parents who call once a week to hear all the amazing memories you’re supposed to be making But the hardest part is moving past the idea that this wasn't going to be the mind blowing, crazy experience you expected it to be. No matter how drunk you are.

This broke my heart, so so many of the messages I received talked about turning to alcohol to handle their issues. I know it's the first thing I did, and I see it in so many others, even now. It's something that once you start you can't stop, a friend of mine explained that a combination of overwhelming academic pressure and social stress meant that he "started drinking every night because it made [him] feel alright, now 4 years deep and [he] still drinks most nights to cope". I didn't even realise I was doing it myself until I was on facetime to my friends back home and one of them pointed out I had finished a bottle of wine on my own whilst chatting, on a Tuesday evening. From heavy nights out to study sessions with pals and a bottle of wine and possibly the main good memories we have from university could be drunk ones... it’s easy to cling to that. But one drink with friends easily turns to a bottle alone and that makes it so much harder to go without. It’s scary, but it’s something you can come back from.

I don’t want to make this a horror story about mental illness in students. Because whilst it is happening, the most worrying thing to me is how alone people feel in their stories. When almost everyone I know will know someone else who has a story like mine. University can be exhausting and challenging, socially, physically and mentally. But it doesn’t have to be something you deal with alone. Recently enough, I held a talk with my Labour Student Society at the University of Chester on mental health on campus, I can’t tell you how much that session opened my eyes to what a simple conversation can do. We sat there for the best part of two hours as likeminded people who saw the benefit of sharing, with that we realised that what we are going through doesn’t have to be a shameful thing, but simply another thing in your life that you will work to overcome. I left that talk surprisingly chipper and I’ve been wanting to write this blog ever since. It encouraged me to have these conversations as often as appropriate, and they’ve been received with open arms by most.

So whilst yes, the stories of neglectful departments who are unsupportive of you in you times of need and doctors who just don’t seem to get it are more than true and unfortunately very possible, there is always going to be someone there for you that will take that first step with you. Whilst you may feel failed in your first few attempts, I beg of you to keep trying and in some cases not take no as an answer. You deserve to be listened to, you deserve better. Be proactive, there are organisations on almost all university campuses or that are active in the area that will be there for you. Whilst they might be under staffed with long waitlist (which absolutely needs to change with help), you are still a priority to them.

So look out for each other. Trust and love yourself and don’t forget that you’re absolutely not alone.

Much love,

Chloe x

Anxiety UK

Charity providing support if you've been diagnosed with an anxiety condition.

Phone: 03444 775 774 (Mon to Fri, 9.30am to 5.30pm)

Website: www.anxietyuk.org.uk

Bipolar UK

A charity helping people living with manic depression or bipolar disorder.

Website: www.bipolaruk.org.uk

CALM

CALM is the Campaign Against Living Miserably, for men aged 15 to 35.

Phone: 0800 58 58 58 (daily, 5pm to midnight)

Website: www.thecalmzone.net

Men's Health Forum

24/7 stress support for men by text, chat and email.

Website: www.menshealthforum.org.uk

Mental Health Foundation

Provides information and support for anyone with mental health problems or learning disabilities.

Website: www.mentalhealth.org.uk

Mind

Promotes the views and needs of people with mental health problems.

Phone: 0300 123 3393 (Mon to Fri, 9am to 6pm)

Website: www.mind.org.uk

No Panic

Voluntary charity offering support for sufferers of panic attacks and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). Offers a course to help overcome your phobia/OCD. Includes a helpline.

Phone: 0844 967 4848 (daily, 10am to 10pm)

Website: www.nopanic.org.uk

OCD Action

Support for people with OCD. Includes information on treatment and online resources.

Phone: 0845 390 6232 (Mon to Fri, 9.30am to 5pm)

Website: www.ocdaction.org.uk

OCD UK

A charity run by people with OCD, for people with OCD. Includes facts, news and treatments.

Phone: 0845 120 3778 (Mon to Fri, 9am to 5pm)

Website: www.ocduk.org  

PAPYRUS

Young suicide prevention society.

Phone: HOPElineUK 0800 068 4141 (Mon to Fri,10am to 5pm & 7 to 10pm. Weekends 2 to 5pm)

Website: www.papyrus-uk.org

Rethink Mental Illness

Support and advice for people living with mental illness.

Phone: 0300 5000 927 (Mon to Fri, 9.30am to 4pm)

Website: www.rethink.org

Samaritans

Confidential support for people experiencing feelings of distress or despair.

Phone: 116 123 (free 24-hour helpline)

Website: www.samaritans.org.uk

SANE

Emotional support, information and guidance for people affected by mental illness, their families and carers. 

SANEline: 0300 304 7000 (daily, 4.30 to 10.30pm)

Textcare: comfort and care via text message, sent when the person needs it most: http://www.sane.org.uk/textcare

Peer support forum: www.sane.org.uk/supportforum

Website: www.sane.org.uk/support

YoungMinds

Information on child and adolescent mental health. Services for parents and professionals.

Phone: Parents' helpline 0808 802 5544 (Mon to Fri, 9.30am to 4pm)

Website: www.youngminds.org.uk

Abuse (child, sexual, domestic violence)

NSPCC

Children's charity dedicated to ending child abuse and child cruelty. 

Phone: 0800 1111 for Childline for children (24-hour helpline)

0808 800 5000 for adults concerned about a child (24-hour helpline)

Website: www.nspcc.org.uk

Refuge

Advice on dealing with domestic violence.

Phone: 0808 2000 247 (24-hour helpline)

Website: www.refuge.org.uk

Addiction (drugs, alcohol, gambling)

Alcoholics Anonymous

Phone: 0845 769 7555 (24-hour helpline)

Website: www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk

Gamblers Anonymous

Website: www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk

Narcotics Anonymous

Phone: 0300 999 1212 (daily 10am to midnight)

Website: www.ukna.org

Books That Stole My Heart (inspired by/stolen from violetdking.blogspot.co.uk)

I'll be completely honest with you here, until recently, it had been a long time since I got to sit down a read for pleasure. As far back as I can remember, reading has been one of my favourite things to do, but life really does get in the way. Thanks to a real gem in my life at the moment, I've finally picked up a book for fun, making time for myself and really enjoy myself.

I would really like to thank my gorgeous pal for that, you should all check out her blog http://violetdking.blogspot.co.uk/ and her youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/BeautifulFlamingo !! She is truly amazing, and I can promise you that you'll love her as much as I do.

The book she lent me was The Madness by Alison Rattle, she mentioned it in her blog on her favourite books, and I can see why. The story revolves around a young, poor, girl who has survived polio with a disability, in the late 1800s. From studying history I fell in love with it's accuracy to the time period as well as the way it so brilliantly expresses emotion. Marnie, the young girl, assists her mother in the Victorian medical practice of dipping by the ocean. The symbolism of the ocean in her eyes completely captivated me. This book was my train travel companion and I was always heartbroken when my stop came. I can't thank Fern enough for letting me borrow this book and I can't recommend it more.

The next book I will talk about nobody that knows me will be surprised to see this on my list. Giovanna Fletcher wrote Billy and Me in 2013 and it has since been a book I can read over and over again. A big movie star comes to town to film his part as Mr Darcy in a film remake of Pride and Prejudice and family coffee shop worker, Sophie May, seems to be the only one not caught up in the drama of it all. However, they find themselves coming together and quickly falling in love. The story follows how she feels about being pushed into the limelight, something I feel could have be close to home for Giovanna herself being married to McFly's Tom Fletcher. You can see this in the emotions portrayed through Sophie May that you may not expect in this situation. Overall it's just a really good, romantic read that completely kills me. Corey bought it me for Valentine's Day this year knowing mine was water damaged and I couldn't be happier. 

This next book is, when asked, my only answer to "what is your favourite book?". I actually haven't read it more than once and to be honest I don't think I ever will. I can't express the wonder and joy I experienced reading this, a tale of a mysterious travelling circus and people's experience with it. Whilst it has been said to be a little difficult to follow, if you let yourself just become immersed in moment with this book, you will surely love it as much as I do. I'm not going to give much away with this one, but please, just read it.

A lot of the books on this list are actually books I haven't read in a long time. I actually picked this one up again recently though. Once by Morris Gleitzman has some of the most historically accurate story lines I have ever read in a holocaust fiction book, whilst still being interesting and unique enough to want to read more. It follows Felix, a young Jewish boy from Poland who is looking for his parents after the Nazis have taken over, I can promise you that I have only ever cried properly at two books, and this is one of them so get some tissues. Overall, it's a quite short book and I got through it on a hours train journey so if you're a bit of a history buff, 100% give it a read. 

Speaking of books that made me cry, boy did this one get me. I tear up even thinking about Private Peaceful by Michael Morpurgo. It recalls a story of brothers and young love during wartime, I have never in my life read emotion more pure and real than in this book. Again I'm not going to give much away because you deserve to experience it for yourself, but you will laugh, cry, be angry, fall in love and be so bitter you won't know what has hit you. 

Lastly, is a book I gave to my auntie Laura when I was about 12 and she still won't let me live it down, Love Aubrey by Suzanne LeFleur. Whilst this is technically a children's book, I think it can only be truly appreciated as a young (or not so young) adult. Personally I think I was too young the first time I read it and the story wasn't quite given all it's glory, but upon revisiting it I was obsessed. 11 year old Aubrey loses her father and younger sister in a car crash and wakes up to find out her mother has abandoned her. We don't often see true emotion in children through books, but the way Suzanne LeFleur writes of Aubrey's depression is painfully accurate and is even more heartbreaking when you realise the Aubrey is just a child and doesn't truly understand what is happening to her. 

These are just a few of the hundreds of books I could place on this list. And yes a lot of them are now below my reading ability but honestly I think they all hold such wonderful memories and joy in reading I couldn't not include them. 

Other honourable mentions are: the Harry Potter series, Grow Up by Ben Brooks, Catch 22 by Joseph Heller, Brave New World by Aldous Huxley and The Twits by Roald Dahl

I want to read more, whenever I get a chance honestly. I've actually started to get up earlier in order to allow myself more time in the day to be able to do more things I enjoy, such as reading, drawing or planning/writing blogs. It's so important to allow yourself time to just do something that makes you happy, even if it has no truly productive outcome. I've really enjoyed writing this slightly less intense blog and hope to do more, if anyone has any ideas, please let me know!

Much love,

- Chloe x

Let’s Talk About Sexual Consent

** Before I start this blog I would like to issue a trigger warning, this blog will talk through sexual consent and this issues surrounding it. This blog is focused on people's experience with discussion surrounding sexual consent thus far and how we can improve this, but a warning is issued none the less. **

http://www.safeground.org.uk/step-1-sexual-consent-training/

Hey guys, so this blog is something I've been working on and looking forward to putting together for quite a while now. From talking to over 30 different people: men and women of a variety of ages, I have gathered a rather scary set of data which illustrates some incredibly important points surrounding sexual consent education.

I asked my friends, followers and whoever would listen to answer a series of questions regarding how often they have been spoken to about sexual consent and how they feel about voicing their opinion even now. First of all, I'd like to share the results from the questions I asked numerically and then talk about what people had to say on the issue separately.

*note: the male female split is not to attack either gender, but to express feelings on both sides and to express the gender input in the issue.

1. In previous/ current relationships, do you think consent is something you could talk about openly and comfortably? (the answers to this question is in no way damning, but about how comfortable people have been in discussing it properly and openly)

YES:                                                             NO:
Male:  14                                                      Male: 3
Female: 10                                                    Female: 10
Total:  24                                                       Total: 13

This question I wanted to be included, not to shame people, but to try and gage what people understood about consent within relationships and their confidence within relationships to be able to voice any feelings about sexual consent, whether that be amongst themselves or more generally. The results were very varied with people saying that the conversation HAD occurred but it wasn't something that they felt came up often or in some cases enough, a few also mentioned that it was very much "is this ok?" in the moment which can often feel incredibly pressured if the conversation has never come up in the past. The element of trust in relationships often replaces the physical "yes/no" approach but from what I've heard from the answers to this question, more open conversation would be beneficial in understanding a partners feelings and ultimately progressing a more healthy and loving relationship.

2. Do you feel comfortable when you are at gigs with regards to the people around you and with voicing concerns about consent in this environment?

YES:                                                             NO:
Male: 10                                                       Male: 1
Female: 9                                                     Female: 11
Total: 19                                                       Total: 12

The rise of social media campaigns such as @safegigs4women (who I have contacted in the hope of a future blog with) and #metoo have allowed for a safe place for people to express themselves and share experiences, however difficult that may be for them. There has also been a number of cases of bands and artists stopping shows to point out and stamp out misconduct. However, despite growing support, as pointed out by a friend of mine "gigs are difficult because the anonymity of the crowd and the volume of the music make it difficult to communicate the types of interactions you do or do not want." 

Going forward, I think it's important to make people more aware of issues that can happen at gigs and festivals, especially due to the high levels of drug and alcohol intake, and help educate staff and bystanders in their reaction as well as teaching more people to understand the boundaries of sexual consent.

3. Do you feel comfortable when are you on nights out and in other crowded areas with regards to the people around you and with voicing concerns about consent in this environment?

YES:                                                             NO:
Male: 11                                                       Male: 1
Female: 2                                                     Female: 28
Total: 13                                                       Total: 29

From this you can clearly see the male female divide, even the men I spoke to, literally used the phrase "well with being a boy, yeah. I know I wouldn't if I was a girl, not a chance". Crazy isn't it? A lot of people made time to talk to me about night out culture, telling me the most horrendous stories of things they'd experienced or witnessed on a night out. The only time I've ever had to speak to a bouncer about not being kicked out of a club was after hitting a guy for trying to feel up a friend of mine who I was literally carrying out because she couldn't stand up, like seriously... She couldn't have even said a word at the point.

A good friend of mine actually pointed out that universities have nothing in place as punishment for this type of behaviour and even more importantly, staff in clubs are not trained on how to deal with incidents of misconduct on themselves let alone when they witness it happening to other people. On the internet I have started to see that some clubs, a lot of them being LGBT clubs, have began to introduce safety measures such as the 'Angel Shot' and other signalling ideas but they are yet to be universal. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help in this type of situation, to fear that the bartender will have no idea what you're talking about is often enough for people to continue to suffer in silence.

 

Can I suggest that people contact their local/favourite bars and your universities SU to inquire as to whether this is something that the offer? Look after each other people.

4. Do you feel like at a younger age (school onwards), you spoke much about sexual consent with family and friends?

YES:                                                             NO:
Male:  1                                                        Male: 12
Female: 2                                                      Female: 29
Total:  3                                                        Total: 41

I was genuinely shocked to actually only hear that only 3 people had been openly talking about sexual consent at this age. This reflects a taboo, whilst children are being educated about drugs, sex and crime, this is something kept quite and this means they aren't conversing amongst themselves on the issue. This leads to further problems and much like with other issues treated similarly, such as mental health, people are left to suffer alone if they feel something isn't right as they don't know HOW to speak up about it. 

5. Do you think you would find this awkward or uncomfortable at the time?

YES:                                                             NO:
Male:  13                                                      Male: 1
Female: 15                                                    Female: 9
Total:  28                                                       Total: 10

Generally people didn't feel too awkward about talking to their friends, if the HAD to but family were generally a different story. Some mentioned how they were lucky as they were open and comfortable with a least one family member so occasionally spoke on the issue, however many pointed out this was something, especially in their early teens they couldn't think of anything worse than doing. 

6. What about now, do you find it hard to talk about?

YES:                                                             NO:
Male:  5                                                        Male: 9
Female: 12                                                   Female: 12
Total:  17                                                      Total: 21

The answers I received to this question were really pleasant. Many people said that there was at least one person they were happy talking to, but it still wasn't something that came up. A lot of people said that it'd still be awkward if it came up with certain members of family or in school.

7. Have you ever been spoken to professionally by a teacher or workplace regarding the issue?

YES:                                                             NO:
Male: 0                                                        Male: 19
Female: 2                                                     Female: 28
Total: 2                                                         Total: 47

ONE person, a singular person said they'd been spoken to about sexual consent in the workplace. This is ridiculous. One person mentioned how there had been a compulsory workshop at her university, however she felt it to be incredibly condescending and disrespectful to those who had been victims of sexual misconduct as opposed to aiding the education of sexual consent and encouraging towards healthy conversation on the issue. 

Education and conversation is so important for both genders and all ages, in all walks of life. In schools we can start to let people know that it's ok to voice their opinion when they don't feel comfortable, even within a relationship. Now, it is common knowledge that a lot of teens do lose their virginity or at least experience their first sexual encounter whilst still in compulsory education, therefore it should be the centre of sex education and more general conversation in schools that sexual consent is not something to be assumed or overlooked. It would also allow for them to understand the concept more, removing confusion and giving them confidence and security for the future.  

In the workplace, there are people of all ages, genders and sexualities, from all over the globe. People have grown in in lots of different environments and had different experiences. To teach and talk about sexual consent in the workplace in a standardised way would protect everyone and allow people in and out of work to enjoy themselves without fear or irritation. 

8. Where do you think this needs to be talked about more?

People overwhelmingly presented a case for school education on sexual consent, making it the centre of sex ed. Many people also mentioned that they think universities should do more to educate about night out culture and sexual consent.

Personally, I was completely shocked by the fact that ONLY two people out of everyone I spoke to had been spoken to professionally about voicing and understanding sexual consent and only one of each was in education and then once in the workplace. This is frightening as how can people feel like it is a subject not to feel awkward about if they are made to feel as though it is too taboo for work and schools.

A close friend of mine actually made an incredibly good point about teaching consent at a much earlier age than we've already talked about. This would not actually entail sexual consent as such, but from starting school teaching children 'don't hug them right now, they've asked you not to' and 'you mustn't go in their personal space unless they've said it's ok' as this would instil a sense of respect and understanding of consent in children from a young age, making it much easier for them to grasp in the context of what we are discussing at a much later age.

9. How do you think we can raise more awareness?

A lot of people struggled to give an answer to this one, the main think people hoped for is for education at a younger age on the issue. People regularly pointed out it is only the likes of twitter and Instagram that opened their eyes to having open conversations regarding consent and others were upset by the fact that the only conversation we seemed to be having outside of this revolved around misconduct and the actions of the likes of Harvey Weinstein.

One person did actually mention the education of parents, I originally did not think about this as a good solution to the issue. However, they talked of bridging the age gap and the awkwardness of the issue, especially in approaching their teens about it. To educate parents is to ultimately educate the future.

I know this blog was quite heavy but this is a topic I am hugely passionate about progressing and hope to write more on in the future. I will continue to push for healthy, open conversation about sexual consent in all walks of life and hope that others will do the same. Universities, schools, colleges and workplaces are hugely crucial in making this possible and I would love to make it possible for this to be a standardised education programme like anti-drug campaigns and sex education are.

Above everything else I would like to thank all the people who took part in my 'survey' and I hope that you've enjoyed reading my blog. This information as earlier mention will hopefully be used in a future study and I can't thank you enough for all of your input.  I will be writing a less statistically informed blog in the near future on progression ideas and also more support for those who want more of a voice. 

Stay safe, look after each other and remember that there is always someone to speak to if you need them.

Much love,

- Chloe x

please find below a list of sexual misconduct help lines for the UK, Ireland and the US. If you are located elsewhere and would like help in finding a helpline, feel free to contact me and I'll give you all the time you would like to find you the support you need:

All of these countries can visit www.7cups.com (formerly 7cupsoftea) and speak to someone anonymously, whilst they cannot provide medical advice, they are there to listen and will be useful in directing you to useful helplines and services.

UK:

Find your nearest NHS support centre Click here!

FREE 24-hour National Domestic Violence Helpline 0808 2000 247

Rape Crisis: 0808 802 9999

Survivors.org: for Men who have been raped, assaulted or abused Click here!

Women's Aid: for Women and Children Click here!

Northern Ireland helpline: 0345 122 8687

Women's Aid Ireland: 1800 341 900 or Click here!

RapeCrisis Ireland: 1800 778888 or Click here!

USA:

National Sexual Violence Resource Center Hotline - 1-877-739-3895
Rape Abuse Incest National Network (RAINN) National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
Safe Helpline for Sexual Assault Support for the DoD Community - 1-877-995-5247
Not Alone: Click here!

https://theconsentcrew.org/category/education/marketing/

_{** SURVEY WAS TAKEN BY 30 WOMEN AND 19 MEN, NUMERICAL DIFFERENCES WERE DUE TO SOME QUESTIONS REMAINING UNANSWERED BY INDIVIDUALS**}

Christmas Shopping: the dos, don'ts and I'M BEGGING YOU NOT TOs

Halloween is done and over, it's freaking chilly outside and I've already picked out our tree. In my eyes it's officially Christmas and I don't care what people say. So Merry Christmas and let's get this festive shit show on the road. 

As a very extra Christmas fanatic I tend to get Christmas shopping done early. With good reason, a student budget and more wonderful people to shop for every year, I know how painful running out of money becomes. I spread my Christmas shopping out usually between three paydays, leaving money for actually existing as well as making sure I give myself time to think about what to buy for certain people. Here's a list of my super easy, but ridiculously organised Christmas plans:

DO's:

• SECRET SANTA: Every year my pals from home and I do this now, it just makes sense! It's a fun and cheap way to make sure everyone gets something worthwhile whilst everyone is a little tight on money. If you're at university, flat secret santa can be a great way of getting to know people better and makes for so much fun guessing who bought what. I usually tend to get it sorted who's got who in SEPTEMBER, just so we can all be planned well in advance. 

• DO THE SILLY FAMILY TRADITIONS: don't be that person, you don't have to cool around the people that literally wiped your butt for years. Put on the ugly slippers and have fun!

• CHRISTMAS WITH PALS: If you do have secret santa, plan a day together to give each other presents. All cram into someones bedroom or living room, stick on a festive album or film and just have a cute little day with some of your favourite people. Trust me it's the best! I've done it every year since high school, and even with my uni pals last year, which led to one of my favourite memories from my time at Sheffield.

• DECORATE WITH RECKLESS ABANDON: when I decorate for Christmas, it looks like a 10 year old has been let loose in a craft shop (see pictures for proof). It's go hard or go home, there is no "pretty" in how I decorate. Have FUN, it's Christmas.
• CHRISTMAS LIGHTS/MARKETS: yes they are crowded and overpriced but you can't put a price on the giggles and memories you make at times like this, it's fun and who doesn't love getting wrapped up warm, cuddling people they love in festive spirit?
  
• COMMUNICATE WITH PEOPLE: Not sure if you need to buy for someone, ask? Especially if you're strapped for cash as a student or as a parent, the likelihood is, so are they! It can be awkward to send that first message but you can save yourself a lot of stress for the sake of one or two "hey are we doing Christmas gifts this year?" messages.
  
• START EARLY: Like I said earlier, start shopping earlier rather than later. As a retail worker who has seen a few Christmas rushes, I know that panicked last minute shopper and there is nothing worse than that "out of stock" disappointment, not to mention the sky rocketing prices of things and the horrible busy, cranky atmosphere. Doing your shopping this way makes sure you can enjoy the Christmas spirit and not feel so poor in the lead up. 
• BUDGET: Once you've sorted who you're buying for, make a list and think about what you have to spend. Dedicate a rough amount to each person and keep that in mind when shopping. Shop around, you live in the age of the internet! Find the best price, ain't no shame in a bargain if it makes for the right gift.  
• LET YOUR LOVED ONES KNOW THEY'RE LOVED: Heck give everyone who needs and deserves it some love, Christmas isn't all about presents and food. It's a gorgeous time of year where you finally get to spend a tiny bit of quality time with people, away from their busy schedules. Appreciate it and use it wisely!
• 

DON'T:

• BUY MORE THAN YOU NEED: most Christmas shoppers have been prone to the Debenhams or Boots "just in case" gift box. WHY DO WE DO IT? It's a waste of money and if you're well organised and sensible about who you need to buy for it's just not necessary. You'll end up with a £15 Soap and Glory gift set that sits unopened in your room until near the next Christmas when you run out of shower gel and end up hoarding foot cream or body lotion from the phantom gifts of years gone by, like you're ever gonna use it.
• LEAVE IT TO THE LAST MINUTE: if you shop on Christmas eve, you make me nervous. I just don't get it! Stock has gone and people are MISERABLE. I've seen people sliding under closing shutters, begging for something that the shop hasn't seen in days because they've all been snatched up. Don't do this to yourself.
• LEAVE YOURSELF SHORT: I know a lot is expected of you to give good gifts at Christmas, but don't suffer because of it. Everyone's pockets feel that bit emptier but talk to family and friends and just be sensible about your spending, people get that you won't always have all the money in the world. Gifts can be cheap and beautiful, it really can be about the thought that's gone into it above all else.
• BE LAZY: on the issue of thought, if you're gonna do Christmas presents, don't be a cop out. If you're stuck, don't be afraid to ask them if there is something they want/need (or ask people around them if they're your SS). Don't just give up and get gift cards or 'smelly' bits, especially not for secret santa, there is nothing more exciting than knowing a gift has been pick FOR you. 
• LET SHOPPING RUIN THE SPIRIT: shopping sucks, if you're not good at it, stick to online. In this day and age you can do all of your shopping without getting out of bed if you really want to, and then just go out and enjoy Christmas spirit through the lights and markets. 

I'M BEGGING YOU NOT TO:

• BE RUDE TO RETAIL STAFF: I cannot express this enough. No matter how stressed you get, how many things have gone wrong in your day, no matter what happens. DO NOT BE RUDE TO STAFF, 9/10 they have not done anything wrong and almost everything that has happened that hasn't gone your way is out of their hands. They are probably on minimum wage, possibly even temps who thanks to company policy can do nothing else to help you. They are tired and stressed and want to go home and be with their family too. Just don't be a dick, please. 
• DAMPEN PEOPLE'S CHRISTMAS SPIRIT: if people want to get all Frosty the Snowman and enjoy Christmas, throwing their decorations up and have them so extra that you can see them from space, let them. It really doesn't affect you, they're having fun.
• BE RUDE ABOUT A GIFT: If someone has bought you something, they have spent their hard earned money on you in a time where they've got A LOT to do, they are very poor and probably sacrificed a lot to do so. Don't get all "but it's not a ____" or "this person got ____". Presents are not a relative issue, you should be incredibly grateful for anything at all, seem it! 

Well that's it! I hope your Christmas period is well underway and I hope that you're as excited as I am. I wish you the best of luck in you're shopping adventures and hope that you have a incredible Christmas. 

Much love,

- Chloe x