Mental Health and Education: BELIEVE ME, you're not alone.

TRIGGER WARNING: mental illness, anxiety, depression, alcohol

On the 17th March 2019, I popped up a post on my instagram story basically saying "I'm writing a blog on mental health in the education system, let me know if you have anything to say", from this I had dozens of replies from friends, family and people who just wanted to share their story. Honestly, I was taken back by everyone's input and I really want to do everything you guys have said to me in confidence justice.

Anyone who has ever met me, or has been to this blog before knows my story, so I'll keep this as short and sweet as possible. Set the scene, you've spent the entirety of your earlier terms of your A2 year putting together your UCAS application for a degree, then waiting on responses and ultimately waiting on results. You study DAMN HARD and hope for the best, only to then decide less than a week before results day that the academic life isn't for you and you want to be more creative... Maybe study a language, or an art... Maybe JAPANESE. Yep, this idiot made a very last minute change from a politics degree, to Japanese. The lovely guy on the phone explained it was a complete beginners course and you didn't need any prior knowledge and that my expected grades were more than enough. Sure enough, results day rolled around and I had success, gaining myself a place at the University of Sheffield to do Japanese Studies. Honestly, I was excited.

For a number of reasons, my mental health whilst I was in Sheffield was quite possibly the worst it's ever been, yet I did nothing about it. The summer before I had began to spiral but hoped that going to university would somehow miraculously fix this issue. I drank a bottle of wine like it was a meal, either didn't leave bed or didn't go to bed at all. If I wasn't drunk or asleep I was likely to be crying. The worst part was that ultimately, I didn't say a thing until deciding to drop out.
The next year was tough but I went back to University the following academic term at the University of Chester. Politics and History this time (Japanese wasn't for me, shock). My mental illnesses didn't go away, I wish. But I once again learnt what they were to me, and how I could help myself live happily with them. My anxiety became something that made me actively make friends, I joined debate society and fell in love with those losers. They make up most of my good memories, and I knew that even with y anxiety, I was safe around them. Two years later I stood in front of a room of those people and made an speech, that day I was elected President of the society.

This is not to say I'm free from my troubles. But it does get easier, I learnt to know and love myself a little better. I visited wellbeing teams when lectures became overwhelming and I have counselling for when my thoughts are stronger than my motivation. I became proactive about my mental health. It took time, but university and education can be hard at the best of times. Sometimes I forget to wash my hair, never mind listening to a self care podcast. But little by little you can piece together what works for you.

It was astounding to hear how many of stories sounded so similar to mine. Especially the fact we all felt so alone in them. There was something so concerning about how much pressure was put on young people going into university or college. So many people mentioned the aspect of just "hoping it'd fix itself" before they rocked up on campus. Wishing for the experience that they saw in films and tv shows, when in reality things don't always work out that way. Long hours in your room with your own thoughts is hard. The reality for some looks so much more like "mostly surviving on ramen - noodles literally cooked from the hot water tap in my room because I didn't want to be around my flat mates.". Admitting to yourself that you’re not having a good time is hard enough, let alone to your tutors, doctors or parents who call once a week to hear all the amazing memories you’re supposed to be making But the hardest part is moving past the idea that this wasn't going to be the mind blowing, crazy experience you expected it to be. No matter how drunk you are.

This broke my heart, so so many of the messages I received talked about turning to alcohol to handle their issues. I know it's the first thing I did, and I see it in so many others, even now. It's something that once you start you can't stop, a friend of mine explained that a combination of overwhelming academic pressure and social stress meant that he "started drinking every night because it made [him] feel alright, now 4 years deep and [he] still drinks most nights to cope". I didn't even realise I was doing it myself until I was on facetime to my friends back home and one of them pointed out I had finished a bottle of wine on my own whilst chatting, on a Tuesday evening. From heavy nights out to study sessions with pals and a bottle of wine and possibly the main good memories we have from university could be drunk ones... it’s easy to cling to that. But one drink with friends easily turns to a bottle alone and that makes it so much harder to go without. It’s scary, but it’s something you can come back from.

I don’t want to make this a horror story about mental illness in students. Because whilst it is happening, the most worrying thing to me is how alone people feel in their stories. When almost everyone I know will know someone else who has a story like mine. University can be exhausting and challenging, socially, physically and mentally. But it doesn’t have to be something you deal with alone. Recently enough, I held a talk with my Labour Student Society at the University of Chester on mental health on campus, I can’t tell you how much that session opened my eyes to what a simple conversation can do. We sat there for the best part of two hours as likeminded people who saw the benefit of sharing, with that we realised that what we are going through doesn’t have to be a shameful thing, but simply another thing in your life that you will work to overcome. I left that talk surprisingly chipper and I’ve been wanting to write this blog ever since. It encouraged me to have these conversations as often as appropriate, and they’ve been received with open arms by most.

So whilst yes, the stories of neglectful departments who are unsupportive of you in you times of need and doctors who just don’t seem to get it are more than true and unfortunately very possible, there is always going to be someone there for you that will take that first step with you. Whilst you may feel failed in your first few attempts, I beg of you to keep trying and in some cases not take no as an answer. You deserve to be listened to, you deserve better. Be proactive, there are organisations on almost all university campuses or that are active in the area that will be there for you. Whilst they might be under staffed with long waitlist (which absolutely needs to change with help), you are still a priority to them.

So look out for each other. Trust and love yourself and don’t forget that you’re absolutely not alone.

Much love,

Chloe x

Anxiety UK

Charity providing support if you've been diagnosed with an anxiety condition.

Phone: 03444 775 774 (Mon to Fri, 9.30am to 5.30pm)

Website: www.anxietyuk.org.uk

Bipolar UK

A charity helping people living with manic depression or bipolar disorder.

Website: www.bipolaruk.org.uk

CALM

CALM is the Campaign Against Living Miserably, for men aged 15 to 35.

Phone: 0800 58 58 58 (daily, 5pm to midnight)

Website: www.thecalmzone.net

Men's Health Forum

24/7 stress support for men by text, chat and email.

Website: www.menshealthforum.org.uk

Mental Health Foundation

Provides information and support for anyone with mental health problems or learning disabilities.

Website: www.mentalhealth.org.uk

Mind

Promotes the views and needs of people with mental health problems.

Phone: 0300 123 3393 (Mon to Fri, 9am to 6pm)

Website: www.mind.org.uk

No Panic

Voluntary charity offering support for sufferers of panic attacks and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). Offers a course to help overcome your phobia/OCD. Includes a helpline.

Phone: 0844 967 4848 (daily, 10am to 10pm)

Website: www.nopanic.org.uk

OCD Action

Support for people with OCD. Includes information on treatment and online resources.

Phone: 0845 390 6232 (Mon to Fri, 9.30am to 5pm)

Website: www.ocdaction.org.uk

OCD UK

A charity run by people with OCD, for people with OCD. Includes facts, news and treatments.

Phone: 0845 120 3778 (Mon to Fri, 9am to 5pm)

Website: www.ocduk.org  

PAPYRUS

Young suicide prevention society.

Phone: HOPElineUK 0800 068 4141 (Mon to Fri,10am to 5pm & 7 to 10pm. Weekends 2 to 5pm)

Website: www.papyrus-uk.org

Rethink Mental Illness

Support and advice for people living with mental illness.

Phone: 0300 5000 927 (Mon to Fri, 9.30am to 4pm)

Website: www.rethink.org

Samaritans

Confidential support for people experiencing feelings of distress or despair.

Phone: 116 123 (free 24-hour helpline)

Website: www.samaritans.org.uk

SANE

Emotional support, information and guidance for people affected by mental illness, their families and carers. 

SANEline: 0300 304 7000 (daily, 4.30 to 10.30pm)

Textcare: comfort and care via text message, sent when the person needs it most: http://www.sane.org.uk/textcare

Peer support forum: www.sane.org.uk/supportforum

Website: www.sane.org.uk/support

YoungMinds

Information on child and adolescent mental health. Services for parents and professionals.

Phone: Parents' helpline 0808 802 5544 (Mon to Fri, 9.30am to 4pm)

Website: www.youngminds.org.uk

Abuse (child, sexual, domestic violence)

NSPCC

Children's charity dedicated to ending child abuse and child cruelty. 

Phone: 0800 1111 for Childline for children (24-hour helpline)

0808 800 5000 for adults concerned about a child (24-hour helpline)

Website: www.nspcc.org.uk

Refuge

Advice on dealing with domestic violence.

Phone: 0808 2000 247 (24-hour helpline)

Website: www.refuge.org.uk

Addiction (drugs, alcohol, gambling)

Alcoholics Anonymous

Phone: 0845 769 7555 (24-hour helpline)

Website: www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk

Gamblers Anonymous

Website: www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk

Narcotics Anonymous

Phone: 0300 999 1212 (daily 10am to midnight)

Website: www.ukna.org

Should you go/go back to uni?

Firstly, I'm incredibly sorry it's been a while. But I am back and motivated and here to stay. Secondly, I would really really like to thank everyone who replied to my constant begging posts and told me about your university experience (or lack thereof).

I won't really bore you with my original university stint, anyone who has read any of my previous blogs or knows me in person will have heard the disaster that was my first degree. Check out my other blogs if you want to laugh at me. (( http://chloejadethoughts.blogspot.com/2017/09/back-to-uni.html )). But in all seriousness, I went to university the first time around because I felt like I had to, I was never given another option in my mind, University was painted as my amazing, perfect destination... But I wasn't the artist. Even when I dropped out of my first degree, after going to talk to someone about my career options I was basically told there was no good life out there for smart girls like me who drop out of uni. It was scary because I was genuinely afraid of my 'university experience' and the thought of going back repulsed me, but I didn't know if the thought of not having a successful future scared me more.

You watch the films and read online about what university is like. You drink a lot, eat from the pan and don't show up to your 9ams. But honestly, this truly isn't the experience I have had at either of the universities I have attended. At the University of Sheffield, I had amazing housemates, who made my time there worthwhile, and yes we drank quite a bit and yeah we ordered several pizzas. But it was the evenings watching Bake Off, or when we put up the Christmas decorations that comes to mind when I think of being with them. As for Chester, the first year was difficult for me, I am doing a dual-honours degree in Politics and History here, and during my first year, I found it incredibly hard to make friends. I didn't feel like I belonged there at all. I had to work as many hours as possible to be able to afford nice things and that meant I missed out on a lot. If it wasn't for joining debate society, I can honestly say things wouldn't have changed. It must be said that it's not all doom and gloom, you will meet amazing people at university, that could be a friend, a tutor, a co-worker. They will be the people who make your university experience worthwhile, so make sure you make an effort to meet people.

A pal of mine, Abi,  had very similar things to say. She worked a lot and never saw much of friends, it was definitely not what she expected. She said one thing in particular that stood out to me. "Uni is a choice and when I was 17 I didn't realise that I thought everyone had to go. If I'd have known what it was going to be like and all the debt I've acquired for a piece of paper at the end of it, I don't think I would have gone." which can be relatable for a lot of people.

Emily made note that, even if you aren't particularly enjoying it now, doesn't mean you always won't. In first year, she hated who she lived with and didn't really feel like she found a place. Now in second year, things are looking a lot brighter and university is where she wants to be.

I think it is important that schools stop deciding a students future for them. Of course *requested* advice is amazing and helpful but unwanted opinions and heavy expectation is unfair and totally unnecessary. For those going through the education system now, it is almost a given that you are going to be pushed towards university. My best friend was forced to produce an application to university knowing full well they didn't want to go. How does that possibly make sense? My little sister decided generally university isn't for her, she is now studying a hair and beauty course at college and already making money from it. My other best friend is killing it on an accounting course that will bypass the need for university completely. There are THOUSANDS of options for people who don't think university is for them (whether you've tried it or not), don't be scaremongered into thinking there isn't.

My honest and open advice to anyone is:

1. Don't be scared to say you're not ready.
   When I finished college, I hadn't thought about options other than university. I applied to do one of the three subjects I had from a levels and thought that was going to be my decision. I knew that deep down, at the time, I was academically exhausted. I needed time and advice, both things college and expectations don't seem to help with. Take your time, rash decisions get you somewhere you are completely unprepared for and down on yourself.
2. If you're not sure, don't bother.
   Are you just going to uni because you don't know what else to do? Do you actually enjoy this subject? You don't have to know where you are going with it, you just have to know that you want to spend at least 3 years getting there. Be confident, it'll get you far.
3. University isn't as scary as the memes would lead you to believe, you'll be fine.
   I have some of the best memories ever from my time at uni, even with how awful my academic life was. And whilst I am scared to go back, I'm twice as excited to see what this year has in store for me. The uni meme pages often petrified me because I assumed I'd be out of my depth. Just be prepared, have fun and be honest with the people around you, especially when you need help.

I am by no means trying to make people give up on going to university if that is what they truly want to do. I have had almost 40 people message me with what they loved about university. From the stereotypical image "the best nights out of my life, the embarrassing stories are to die for" to more academic views of "I genuinely feel at home academically here, growing up I was always teased for enjoying this kinda stuff and now it is celebrated". University opens the door to so many different events, opportunities and experiences that you couldn't dream of finding on your own, you speak to individuals who are wise beyond imagination and attend some of the coolest things. It was amazing to see how people felt about university, even with the same city, uni and department people's experiences are vastly different and yours will be too. But that's totally ok. Just make sure it's the experience you actually want not what other people want for you.

Over the next few weeks I'm going to open a forum on thestudentroom, to talk about this kind of thing. I urge people who are already at university, people who have been to university, those thinking of going and those who decided not to alike to join in the conversation and have your say.