Mental Health and Education: BELIEVE ME, you're not alone.

TRIGGER WARNING: mental illness, anxiety, depression, alcohol

On the 17th March 2019, I popped up a post on my instagram story basically saying "I'm writing a blog on mental health in the education system, let me know if you have anything to say", from this I had dozens of replies from friends, family and people who just wanted to share their story. Honestly, I was taken back by everyone's input and I really want to do everything you guys have said to me in confidence justice.

Anyone who has ever met me, or has been to this blog before knows my story, so I'll keep this as short and sweet as possible. Set the scene, you've spent the entirety of your earlier terms of your A2 year putting together your UCAS application for a degree, then waiting on responses and ultimately waiting on results. You study DAMN HARD and hope for the best, only to then decide less than a week before results day that the academic life isn't for you and you want to be more creative... Maybe study a language, or an art... Maybe JAPANESE. Yep, this idiot made a very last minute change from a politics degree, to Japanese. The lovely guy on the phone explained it was a complete beginners course and you didn't need any prior knowledge and that my expected grades were more than enough. Sure enough, results day rolled around and I had success, gaining myself a place at the University of Sheffield to do Japanese Studies. Honestly, I was excited.

For a number of reasons, my mental health whilst I was in Sheffield was quite possibly the worst it's ever been, yet I did nothing about it. The summer before I had began to spiral but hoped that going to university would somehow miraculously fix this issue. I drank a bottle of wine like it was a meal, either didn't leave bed or didn't go to bed at all. If I wasn't drunk or asleep I was likely to be crying. The worst part was that ultimately, I didn't say a thing until deciding to drop out.
The next year was tough but I went back to University the following academic term at the University of Chester. Politics and History this time (Japanese wasn't for me, shock). My mental illnesses didn't go away, I wish. But I once again learnt what they were to me, and how I could help myself live happily with them. My anxiety became something that made me actively make friends, I joined debate society and fell in love with those losers. They make up most of my good memories, and I knew that even with y anxiety, I was safe around them. Two years later I stood in front of a room of those people and made an speech, that day I was elected President of the society.

This is not to say I'm free from my troubles. But it does get easier, I learnt to know and love myself a little better. I visited wellbeing teams when lectures became overwhelming and I have counselling for when my thoughts are stronger than my motivation. I became proactive about my mental health. It took time, but university and education can be hard at the best of times. Sometimes I forget to wash my hair, never mind listening to a self care podcast. But little by little you can piece together what works for you.

It was astounding to hear how many of stories sounded so similar to mine. Especially the fact we all felt so alone in them. There was something so concerning about how much pressure was put on young people going into university or college. So many people mentioned the aspect of just "hoping it'd fix itself" before they rocked up on campus. Wishing for the experience that they saw in films and tv shows, when in reality things don't always work out that way. Long hours in your room with your own thoughts is hard. The reality for some looks so much more like "mostly surviving on ramen - noodles literally cooked from the hot water tap in my room because I didn't want to be around my flat mates.". Admitting to yourself that you’re not having a good time is hard enough, let alone to your tutors, doctors or parents who call once a week to hear all the amazing memories you’re supposed to be making But the hardest part is moving past the idea that this wasn't going to be the mind blowing, crazy experience you expected it to be. No matter how drunk you are.

This broke my heart, so so many of the messages I received talked about turning to alcohol to handle their issues. I know it's the first thing I did, and I see it in so many others, even now. It's something that once you start you can't stop, a friend of mine explained that a combination of overwhelming academic pressure and social stress meant that he "started drinking every night because it made [him] feel alright, now 4 years deep and [he] still drinks most nights to cope". I didn't even realise I was doing it myself until I was on facetime to my friends back home and one of them pointed out I had finished a bottle of wine on my own whilst chatting, on a Tuesday evening. From heavy nights out to study sessions with pals and a bottle of wine and possibly the main good memories we have from university could be drunk ones... it’s easy to cling to that. But one drink with friends easily turns to a bottle alone and that makes it so much harder to go without. It’s scary, but it’s something you can come back from.

I don’t want to make this a horror story about mental illness in students. Because whilst it is happening, the most worrying thing to me is how alone people feel in their stories. When almost everyone I know will know someone else who has a story like mine. University can be exhausting and challenging, socially, physically and mentally. But it doesn’t have to be something you deal with alone. Recently enough, I held a talk with my Labour Student Society at the University of Chester on mental health on campus, I can’t tell you how much that session opened my eyes to what a simple conversation can do. We sat there for the best part of two hours as likeminded people who saw the benefit of sharing, with that we realised that what we are going through doesn’t have to be a shameful thing, but simply another thing in your life that you will work to overcome. I left that talk surprisingly chipper and I’ve been wanting to write this blog ever since. It encouraged me to have these conversations as often as appropriate, and they’ve been received with open arms by most.

So whilst yes, the stories of neglectful departments who are unsupportive of you in you times of need and doctors who just don’t seem to get it are more than true and unfortunately very possible, there is always going to be someone there for you that will take that first step with you. Whilst you may feel failed in your first few attempts, I beg of you to keep trying and in some cases not take no as an answer. You deserve to be listened to, you deserve better. Be proactive, there are organisations on almost all university campuses or that are active in the area that will be there for you. Whilst they might be under staffed with long waitlist (which absolutely needs to change with help), you are still a priority to them.

So look out for each other. Trust and love yourself and don’t forget that you’re absolutely not alone.

Much love,

Chloe x

Anxiety UK

Charity providing support if you've been diagnosed with an anxiety condition.

Phone: 03444 775 774 (Mon to Fri, 9.30am to 5.30pm)

Website: www.anxietyuk.org.uk

Bipolar UK

A charity helping people living with manic depression or bipolar disorder.

Website: www.bipolaruk.org.uk

CALM

CALM is the Campaign Against Living Miserably, for men aged 15 to 35.

Phone: 0800 58 58 58 (daily, 5pm to midnight)

Website: www.thecalmzone.net

Men's Health Forum

24/7 stress support for men by text, chat and email.

Website: www.menshealthforum.org.uk

Mental Health Foundation

Provides information and support for anyone with mental health problems or learning disabilities.

Website: www.mentalhealth.org.uk

Mind

Promotes the views and needs of people with mental health problems.

Phone: 0300 123 3393 (Mon to Fri, 9am to 6pm)

Website: www.mind.org.uk

No Panic

Voluntary charity offering support for sufferers of panic attacks and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). Offers a course to help overcome your phobia/OCD. Includes a helpline.

Phone: 0844 967 4848 (daily, 10am to 10pm)

Website: www.nopanic.org.uk

OCD Action

Support for people with OCD. Includes information on treatment and online resources.

Phone: 0845 390 6232 (Mon to Fri, 9.30am to 5pm)

Website: www.ocdaction.org.uk

OCD UK

A charity run by people with OCD, for people with OCD. Includes facts, news and treatments.

Phone: 0845 120 3778 (Mon to Fri, 9am to 5pm)

Website: www.ocduk.org  

PAPYRUS

Young suicide prevention society.

Phone: HOPElineUK 0800 068 4141 (Mon to Fri,10am to 5pm & 7 to 10pm. Weekends 2 to 5pm)

Website: www.papyrus-uk.org

Rethink Mental Illness

Support and advice for people living with mental illness.

Phone: 0300 5000 927 (Mon to Fri, 9.30am to 4pm)

Website: www.rethink.org

Samaritans

Confidential support for people experiencing feelings of distress or despair.

Phone: 116 123 (free 24-hour helpline)

Website: www.samaritans.org.uk

SANE

Emotional support, information and guidance for people affected by mental illness, their families and carers. 

SANEline: 0300 304 7000 (daily, 4.30 to 10.30pm)

Textcare: comfort and care via text message, sent when the person needs it most: http://www.sane.org.uk/textcare

Peer support forum: www.sane.org.uk/supportforum

Website: www.sane.org.uk/support

YoungMinds

Information on child and adolescent mental health. Services for parents and professionals.

Phone: Parents' helpline 0808 802 5544 (Mon to Fri, 9.30am to 4pm)

Website: www.youngminds.org.uk

Abuse (child, sexual, domestic violence)

NSPCC

Children's charity dedicated to ending child abuse and child cruelty. 

Phone: 0800 1111 for Childline for children (24-hour helpline)

0808 800 5000 for adults concerned about a child (24-hour helpline)

Website: www.nspcc.org.uk

Refuge

Advice on dealing with domestic violence.

Phone: 0808 2000 247 (24-hour helpline)

Website: www.refuge.org.uk

Addiction (drugs, alcohol, gambling)

Alcoholics Anonymous

Phone: 0845 769 7555 (24-hour helpline)

Website: www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk

Gamblers Anonymous

Website: www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk

Narcotics Anonymous

Phone: 0300 999 1212 (daily 10am to midnight)

Website: www.ukna.org

Summer, Growing Up and Other Thoughts

If you've ever had the unfortunate experience of meeting me, finding my social media or even coming within 100m of my existence, you'll know how much I love to talk about my friends. I always have been and always will be their ultimate hype squad. I have been lucky to have been surrounded by the most amazing people my whole life, pretty much a street away or short walk at most. Because of this, it is safe to say that I spent the first 18 years of my life barely apart from them. At twenty, spread across the world and incredibly busy, this is no longer so much a possibility. Most of the year I can come to terms with this, summer is not one of those times.

As long as I can remember, the second the sun came out, it was a sign that we should definitely be doing something together. One of my earliest memories of being with my friends was being in the paddling pool with Jamie and Emma, or when we'd roast marshmallows over a burning log in Emma's garden. As we grew up, this never changed.

Every single summer, I can remember spending most of it with my favourite losers by my side. 

 

I probably couldn't even begin to explain how many hours we sat in or under a tree in our local park. Most of my high school age years, any chance we got we were there or costa, without much of a plan, usually just some sweets and some crazy scheme about how our future would end up. This all sounds a little rose-tinted as I write it down, but I swear, every word of it is true.

And when it got dark, or cold or it rained... Kate's bedroom was always ready for us to all snuggle up together in. We all hold her bed in the highest and fondest light, I've never been comfier in my life. Facemasks, fruit and REALLY good brews (even if she did put a ladle of sugar in once when I asked for "one big spoon of sugar"), bad weather never stopped our stupid antics. Not with Kate's beautiful DVD collection. 

I put a post up on facebook a few years back that came up in my memories recently that quoted Josh saying "I was gonna throw your dad in the pool Chlo, but he is too much of a hench so I threw his shoes in instead." My friends became my family and my family loved them like they were too, every year we had results day parties, with us lot and some years had parents, grandparents and siblings too. It was still just as hilarious and fun. We'd spent so long revising together (and very much not revising together), that it was really the biggest relief and blow off of steam, it was amazing.

Leaving high school only made this more fun, we travelled and we did more and more. Leeds Fest was wet, cold and insane but I loved (almost) every second of it because I spent all my time with the greatest people in the world. That same year, and warning again if you know me you're probably sick of hearing about this, my pals and I decided to book a little holiday together. We looked at everything, Amsterdam, Paris, Spain... And ended up in Penmaenmawr, Wales... Population about 4, but I have never had more fun. We just relished in doing what we wanted, which was going to the beach, making roast dinners, eating chinese and watching the scream films. Nothing more sums us up than that trip away and I wouldn't want anything to.

That was our last summer before we all went off into the real world, into to university, into jobs, all over the country, and in some cases, all over the world. And it got hard. Don't get me wrong, you won't a group chat more active than ours, nor will you find people more determined to make plans work. But sometimes they just... don't. 

Growing up in a close group of friends is amazing. You become completely different people but would not change a thing. Watching all my pals do amazing things is what makes me happier than anything else, and being there for them when they're struggling is my main priority. The latter is much harder when you can't put your shoes on over your bed socks and head on over for a cuddle and that was something I was thoroughly unprepared for. 

I know, I know that it's just a part of growing up. You see it all the time in stupid BuzzFeed comics. But it doesn't make it any easier. Tonight, my pals that are back at home phoned me and asked if I was working Sunday (of course, I was) and if not to come have a "girls" night tomorrow. Trying to schedule plans is something we were always awful at because we never had to do it. Trying to organise something now, when people work all the time and live all over the place and have a hundred other commitments is near impossible. And while we all understand why it's not always possible for us all to be there, it doesn't make it any easier. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is, things are gonna change. But don't ever lose sight of how amazing and wonderful those friendships can be. It's easy to see the drifting trend that has occurred with other friends earlier in life. But honestly one night back together and you'll know that's not true. Nobody makes you smile like they do, and there is a reason for that. 

This summer might be different. The summer holidays might be a thing of the past. But summer memories don't have to be. Ring your pal, tell them you love them. Just kidding, text them, calling them might worry them. 

The proof really is in the pudding. These losers are my world. Even if it is for one night only, make sure you live your best life with your best people. 

Sorry for the soppy rant guys, I needed it. I have another blog coming this weekend that is more targeted at everyone. I hope you enjoyed it anyway and think about calling your pal.

Much love,

Chloe x

Why I need feminism, and why it's ok if you don't.

Before I start, I don't know who posted my googleform on 4chan, but thanks :////

I recently attended a feminism debate as part of my University debate society, it was actually incredibly insightful and as I sat there I realised, despite arguments either way, how much I needed feminism. Talking to my boyfriend about it he told me something that broke my heart. Plus, over the next two months I will be part of a mentoring group for FE students talking about sexual consent and other related topics, and everyday I realise another way I appreciate feminism.

I've decided that I want to put together a list of reasons why, when I asked, people said they needed feminism, starting with the story from my boyfriend:

STORYTIME!!

1.  Anyone who knows me personally will know that I met Corey on Tinder (no shame,  neither of us were actually looking for anything but a confidence boost, I'm basically just a rebound that has lasted a lot longer than expected 😅), we spoke for months before actually meeting and when we did we spent the day together and went for drinks in the evening. I didn't realise at the time but apparently I naturally spent the whole night with my thumb over the top of the bottle. I don't think he realised until that moment that this is the type of thing that a lot of girls (and guys of course) do without thinking due to a drilled in fear. It was very much a sobering moment for me in thinking about the kind of world we live in. 
2. Night out culture in generally petrifies me. Generally my group of friends gave up on girls night after one attempt consisting of a great night interrupted on too many occasions by men much older that us (we were barely 18 at the time) moving in on us and literally moving from one of us to the next when we rejected them before becoming irritated and argumentative. The amount of times I've had to ask to swap places with a male friend (shout out to my boys Liam, Michael Sean, Josh and my actual boy Corey for looking after us all on several occasions. And thank you to Dylan, Tom and Adbae for some hilarious saves in Sheffield) is actually embarrassing. It is the feminist movement that has pushed more people to step in in these instances, even for people they don't know and everyday now I see wonderful stories of girls helping girls out of sticky situations and guys stepping in for their friends or complete strangers. People get too drunk sometimes, it happens, look after your pals, you know they'd do the same for you. 
3. Victim blaming  and slut shaming is the next point I'd like to make a point about. "How much did they drink?", "What were they wearing?", "didn't they do drugs though?" just graze the surface of the things people have said to try and justify cases of sexual assault and rape. Feminism is a community that made me feel like they wouldn't judge in this way if I had something to say, they'd take what I say and they'd help me move forward. If I wanna wear a cute little dress, fishnets and heels and boogie the night away with my girls, maybe have a little too much to drink, I do not deserve to be taken advantage of, THERE IS NO DEBATE SURROUNDING THAT. 
4. Sexual harassment more generally is being brought to light by the feminist movement. I recently spoke to a family member about the #MeToo movement, and they said that they don't support historic allegations because "that's just how it was then". Whilst I understand why they say this, I think it's important that we still support these individuals in moving forward and take their points with no less validation. It's only in very recent times that feminism has helped people realise that sexual comments towards colleagues is not considered as funny or appropriate and it's this type of stigma it continues to aid. 
5. Feminism isn't just a female issue, I think the way it helps to break down toxic masculinity has been incredibly beneficial to a lot of boys and men, especially through their puberty years as they gather their own identity better. It is not trying to take away men's 'masculinity' as such, but to widen what is seen as socially acceptable. In the debate I talked about, one of the guys talked about how it would just help people be themselves. Even touching on the fact that breaking this idea of toxic masculinity down would be incredibly useful in allowing for men to be treated for their mental health issues, especially for depression and issues like PTSD. Instead of "manning up" they can get the help they deserve. (I see people's point about breaking down the 'masculine image some men want to identify with, but there are some who don't and that's ok too.)
6. Pressure on motherhood is something that I personally never thought of. But a lot of other women came to me saying this was a reason they felt they needed feminism. It is important to remember that this is very much still a real issue. Even in 2018, women are pressured because they decide to not become a mother, or when they decide they want to have a baby over working, or working over a motherhood, or even for doing both. Making any and all of the decisions regarding motherhood difficult. Not to mention feminists movement surround women's reproductive health and abortion rights. 
7. Body positivity is hugely important in the feminist community and always has been, I love to watch this part of the movement grow! It spreads genuine happiness and helps so many people with body confidence issues. 
8. EQUALITY for all and nothing more.

Asides from this, I asked several other questions to gauge opinion on feminism in general. I completely understand that not everyone sees feminism in the light that I and the people who helped me write the above list do. Despite this, I think it's important to mention that a lot of the people I managed to speak to were indeed feminist, Western and of the most part they were people I knew but I tried to vary opinion as much as I could.  

Ellie Taylor summed up what most people where thinking perfectly in saying "Feminism has become a dirty word over the past few years and I think that's due to a lot of western feminists arguably focusing their (social media) attention on issues that a lot of people, feminists or not, would deem trivial and taking things 'too far'." and that this has led to a perception of feminism as a man hating and exaggerated society that will happily, and - at times - wrongly play the victim. This will often make those who support the cause more widely turn away from feminism altogether. Within the debate I found that this was an issue for a lot of people, people completely agreed that the problems that were mentioned needed to be fixed, but did not agreed that feminism was the answer to that. Ellie also makes an amazing point that social equality of the sexes is a much more complex issue as there are no guidelines and no formal way of changing people's attitudes or behaviour. Subsequently, because it is the social issues where the media (and social media for that matter) focuses itself, hateful and intense debate can often be sparked and this divided the moment even further from people who may otherwise believe in it's causes.

Side note: Big thanks to Ellie for being a gem and sending me her genuine thoughts on the matter. Her insight was hugely influential to this blog so I can't express how grateful I am for her answer. 

Some people also mentioned that they thought feminism had done it's job in it's first and second wave. That this third wave of feminism was just plagued with trivial matters. Whilst this has already been mentioned, I think it is important to remember that these earlier waves of feminism were created and fought mainly for white women and straight women. A drive for equality now has focus on LGBTQ+ equality, black and ethnic minority equality and class respect. That's why a lot of people don't feel engaged with feminism anymore, they just don't see how it would effect them or their immediate circle. Not in a mainly white, western community with good education opportunities. For this reason, I can understand why people wanted to 'move on' from feminism but continue to fight for the many causes that feminism does.

Overall, I can honestly see why people are turning away from feminism. The extremism and of incredibly exclusive environment is not appealing to many. In a time when there are so many different perceptions on the ideology it has been pulled to several extremes, however something a lot of people mentioned when asked about moving on from feminism was education. With education of equality and the history and achievements of feminism, the perception of it all would become so much more well defined and healthier. We need to respect each others beliefs as with all walks of life and understand that feminism isn't the path for everyone, but for those who feel they do need it, support should be easier to come by. 

Thank you so much to everyone who contributed, I can't tell you how taken aback I was by the response I received. I hope you found this to be at least some way insightful, I tried to stay honest and honour the opinions I received. 

Much love, 

- Chloe x

((on a separate note, due to my research being place on 4chan and me receiving a lot of negative and harsh comments unrelated to the topic, I kind of lost enthusiasm for this post as most real comments were lost in spam. I have used googleform genuine answers as much as possible but most of what I have is just from responses I received through Facebook, in person and Instagram. I apologise it wasn't more in depth))