Dare To Dream

During the last twelve month the phrase "so what's the plan?" was completely banned in my house. Nobody except me was allowed to even whisper the idea and if they did it led to a heated debate and me sobbing my heart out.

I didn't know where I was in life or what to do next. Every opportunity I was blessed with led to me being told that I was either over or under qualified and I was sad and defeated. Most nights I searched the internet for jobs that didn't require a degree but were interesting, not to much success, and spent most days feeling worn down by it. I saw careers officers and college lecturers, most of whom made me cry, nothing seemed to fit. Most people just expected me to just go to university, not realising how scary that idea had become to me.

It took a really bad memory and a short stint in the worst job I've ever had to kick some motivation into me. In the space of three weeks I'd grovelled for my old (amazing) job back, I'd applied for a new university and started my course there. I stopped being scared, because I realised it wasn't that hard to allow myself to dare to dream. The process was petrifying and I still had a lot of intrusive, anxious days But for the first time since leaving my first university, I let my dad ask me what my plan was and I gave him an answer. I've began to apply this to more of my everyday life.

Recently I've been listening to a lot of podcasts, they help me sleep and help me relax whilst I study. They're usually completely irrelevant to my life and not often about things I'm planning to become invested in. However, I have thoroughly enjoyed every single one. Being a McFly fan from a young age, I heard about Giovanna Fletcher's (Tom Fletcher's wife) podcast based on her book 'Happy Mum, Happy Baby'. Currently, I am not a mum nor do I have any upcoming plans to be in the near future, however the honesty and lighthearted approach to some often incredibly sensitive issues (note: especially in her podcasts with friend Izzy Judd and husband Tom Fletcher) have really made me stop and think about a few things similar to apply in my life.

After going through awful experiences in life, we can't let ourselves be afraid to try again. We can't shut down and give up. Unfortunately, retiring to your bedroom in you parents house before you turn 20 is not an option. You have to get back up, dust yourself off and give life another go, however you approach it this time around. It might take time, and how long is a matter of the individual, but you can come back from this, whatever it may be.

I have officially decided to start writing a book, following the same lines as my blog and touching on stories like this. Hopefully, in the future I want to use my degree to become a motivational speaker, especially to students who don't feel like they're not heading in the right direction. This is something that January 2017 me would have found laughable, speaking in front of my family about struggles gave me panic attacks, never mind people I'd never met. Nevertheless, this confidence to let myself try and allowing myself to accept that failure isn't the end of the world has gotten me far.

Don't give up on the things you love, be that person that strives for perfection, but don't let yourself forget that failure is not the end. You don't have to be the best, you just have to be the best you can be.

Look after yourself.

Much love,

- Chloe x