Summer, Growing Up and Other Thoughts

If you've ever had the unfortunate experience of meeting me, finding my social media or even coming within 100m of my existence, you'll know how much I love to talk about my friends. I always have been and always will be their ultimate hype squad. I have been lucky to have been surrounded by the most amazing people my whole life, pretty much a street away or short walk at most. Because of this, it is safe to say that I spent the first 18 years of my life barely apart from them. At twenty, spread across the world and incredibly busy, this is no longer so much a possibility. Most of the year I can come to terms with this, summer is not one of those times.

As long as I can remember, the second the sun came out, it was a sign that we should definitely be doing something together. One of my earliest memories of being with my friends was being in the paddling pool with Jamie and Emma, or when we'd roast marshmallows over a burning log in Emma's garden. As we grew up, this never changed.

Every single summer, I can remember spending most of it with my favourite losers by my side. 

 

I probably couldn't even begin to explain how many hours we sat in or under a tree in our local park. Most of my high school age years, any chance we got we were there or costa, without much of a plan, usually just some sweets and some crazy scheme about how our future would end up. This all sounds a little rose-tinted as I write it down, but I swear, every word of it is true.

And when it got dark, or cold or it rained... Kate's bedroom was always ready for us to all snuggle up together in. We all hold her bed in the highest and fondest light, I've never been comfier in my life. Facemasks, fruit and REALLY good brews (even if she did put a ladle of sugar in once when I asked for "one big spoon of sugar"), bad weather never stopped our stupid antics. Not with Kate's beautiful DVD collection. 

I put a post up on facebook a few years back that came up in my memories recently that quoted Josh saying "I was gonna throw your dad in the pool Chlo, but he is too much of a hench so I threw his shoes in instead." My friends became my family and my family loved them like they were too, every year we had results day parties, with us lot and some years had parents, grandparents and siblings too. It was still just as hilarious and fun. We'd spent so long revising together (and very much not revising together), that it was really the biggest relief and blow off of steam, it was amazing.

Leaving high school only made this more fun, we travelled and we did more and more. Leeds Fest was wet, cold and insane but I loved (almost) every second of it because I spent all my time with the greatest people in the world. That same year, and warning again if you know me you're probably sick of hearing about this, my pals and I decided to book a little holiday together. We looked at everything, Amsterdam, Paris, Spain... And ended up in Penmaenmawr, Wales... Population about 4, but I have never had more fun. We just relished in doing what we wanted, which was going to the beach, making roast dinners, eating chinese and watching the scream films. Nothing more sums us up than that trip away and I wouldn't want anything to.

That was our last summer before we all went off into the real world, into to university, into jobs, all over the country, and in some cases, all over the world. And it got hard. Don't get me wrong, you won't a group chat more active than ours, nor will you find people more determined to make plans work. But sometimes they just... don't. 

Growing up in a close group of friends is amazing. You become completely different people but would not change a thing. Watching all my pals do amazing things is what makes me happier than anything else, and being there for them when they're struggling is my main priority. The latter is much harder when you can't put your shoes on over your bed socks and head on over for a cuddle and that was something I was thoroughly unprepared for. 

I know, I know that it's just a part of growing up. You see it all the time in stupid BuzzFeed comics. But it doesn't make it any easier. Tonight, my pals that are back at home phoned me and asked if I was working Sunday (of course, I was) and if not to come have a "girls" night tomorrow. Trying to schedule plans is something we were always awful at because we never had to do it. Trying to organise something now, when people work all the time and live all over the place and have a hundred other commitments is near impossible. And while we all understand why it's not always possible for us all to be there, it doesn't make it any easier. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is, things are gonna change. But don't ever lose sight of how amazing and wonderful those friendships can be. It's easy to see the drifting trend that has occurred with other friends earlier in life. But honestly one night back together and you'll know that's not true. Nobody makes you smile like they do, and there is a reason for that. 

This summer might be different. The summer holidays might be a thing of the past. But summer memories don't have to be. Ring your pal, tell them you love them. Just kidding, text them, calling them might worry them. 

The proof really is in the pudding. These losers are my world. Even if it is for one night only, make sure you live your best life with your best people. 

Sorry for the soppy rant guys, I needed it. I have another blog coming this weekend that is more targeted at everyone. I hope you enjoyed it anyway and think about calling your pal.

Much love,

Chloe x

Dare To Dream

During the last twelve month the phrase "so what's the plan?" was completely banned in my house. Nobody except me was allowed to even whisper the idea and if they did it led to a heated debate and me sobbing my heart out.

I didn't know where I was in life or what to do next. Every opportunity I was blessed with led to me being told that I was either over or under qualified and I was sad and defeated. Most nights I searched the internet for jobs that didn't require a degree but were interesting, not to much success, and spent most days feeling worn down by it. I saw careers officers and college lecturers, most of whom made me cry, nothing seemed to fit. Most people just expected me to just go to university, not realising how scary that idea had become to me.

It took a really bad memory and a short stint in the worst job I've ever had to kick some motivation into me. In the space of three weeks I'd grovelled for my old (amazing) job back, I'd applied for a new university and started my course there. I stopped being scared, because I realised it wasn't that hard to allow myself to dare to dream. The process was petrifying and I still had a lot of intrusive, anxious days But for the first time since leaving my first university, I let my dad ask me what my plan was and I gave him an answer. I've began to apply this to more of my everyday life.

Recently I've been listening to a lot of podcasts, they help me sleep and help me relax whilst I study. They're usually completely irrelevant to my life and not often about things I'm planning to become invested in. However, I have thoroughly enjoyed every single one. Being a McFly fan from a young age, I heard about Giovanna Fletcher's (Tom Fletcher's wife) podcast based on her book 'Happy Mum, Happy Baby'. Currently, I am not a mum nor do I have any upcoming plans to be in the near future, however the honesty and lighthearted approach to some often incredibly sensitive issues (note: especially in her podcasts with friend Izzy Judd and husband Tom Fletcher) have really made me stop and think about a few things similar to apply in my life.

After going through awful experiences in life, we can't let ourselves be afraid to try again. We can't shut down and give up. Unfortunately, retiring to your bedroom in you parents house before you turn 20 is not an option. You have to get back up, dust yourself off and give life another go, however you approach it this time around. It might take time, and how long is a matter of the individual, but you can come back from this, whatever it may be.

I have officially decided to start writing a book, following the same lines as my blog and touching on stories like this. Hopefully, in the future I want to use my degree to become a motivational speaker, especially to students who don't feel like they're not heading in the right direction. This is something that January 2017 me would have found laughable, speaking in front of my family about struggles gave me panic attacks, never mind people I'd never met. Nevertheless, this confidence to let myself try and allowing myself to accept that failure isn't the end of the world has gotten me far.

Don't give up on the things you love, be that person that strives for perfection, but don't let yourself forget that failure is not the end. You don't have to be the best, you just have to be the best you can be.

Look after yourself.

Much love,

- Chloe x