During the last twelve month the phrase "so what's the plan?" was completely banned in my house. Nobody except me was allowed to even whisper the idea and if they did it led to a heated debate and me sobbing my heart out.
I didn't know where I was in life or what to do next. Every opportunity I was blessed with led to me being told that I was either over or under qualified and I was sad and defeated. Most nights I searched the internet for jobs that didn't require a degree but were interesting, not to much success, and spent most days feeling worn down by it. I saw careers officers and college lecturers, most of whom made me cry, nothing seemed to fit. Most people just expected me to just go to university, not realising how scary that idea had become to me.
It took a really bad memory and a short stint in the worst job I've ever had to kick some motivation into me. In the space of three weeks I'd grovelled for my old (amazing) job back, I'd applied for a new university and started my course there. I stopped being scared, because I realised it wasn't that hard to allow myself to dare to dream. The process was petrifying and I still had a lot of intrusive, anxious days But for the first time since leaving my first university, I let my dad ask me what my plan was and I gave him an answer. I've began to apply this to more of my everyday life.
Recently I've been listening to a lot of podcasts, they help me sleep and help me relax whilst I study. They're usually completely irrelevant to my life and not often about things I'm planning to become invested in. However, I have thoroughly enjoyed every single one. Being a McFly fan from a young age, I heard about Giovanna Fletcher's (Tom Fletcher's wife) podcast based on her book 'Happy Mum, Happy Baby'. Currently, I am not a mum nor do I have any upcoming plans to be in the near future, however the honesty and lighthearted approach to some often incredibly sensitive issues (note: especially in her podcasts with friend Izzy Judd and husband Tom Fletcher) have really made me stop and think about a few things similar to apply in my life.
After going through awful experiences in life, we can't let ourselves be afraid to try again. We can't shut down and give up. Unfortunately, retiring to your bedroom in you parents house before you turn 20 is not an option. You have to get back up, dust yourself off and give life another go, however you approach it this time around. It might take time, and how long is a matter of the individual, but you can come back from this, whatever it may be.
I have officially decided to start writing a book, following the same lines as my blog and touching on stories like this. Hopefully, in the future I want to use my degree to become a motivational speaker, especially to students who don't feel like they're not heading in the right direction. This is something that January 2017 me would have found laughable, speaking in front of my family about struggles gave me panic attacks, never mind people I'd never met. Nevertheless, this confidence to let myself try and allowing myself to accept that failure isn't the end of the world has gotten me far.
Don't give up on the things you love, be that person that strives for perfection, but don't let yourself forget that failure is not the end. You don't have to be the best, you just have to be the best you can be.
Look after yourself.
Much love,
- Chloe x
Showing posts with label self love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self love. Show all posts
Sunday, 12 November 2017
Monday, 6 November 2017
Save The Last Dance for YOU
Whether you're at university, working, looking after children or working on your career, days are long and often stressful. Even more so if you're doing more than one at once. I'm a full time student with a part time job, which is unfortunately the reality for most students now because of how expensive it is to fund your further education. Alike most, my loans do not even cover my accommodation, let alone anything else. I don't have a day off and I often work late into the night on one commitment or another. Sometimes, it is easy to forget that the most important thing is taking some time to just... not. To just stop for a while and take a step back and look after myself.
In the past, I'd do this by treating myself to a face mask or going out for dinner. It was something that kept my moral up and let me let go of whatever I had on my mind. However, I have found that this became more of a 'reward', this isn't what I wanted. Making time for yourself shouldn't be something you do because you did other aspects of your life well, but a necessity so that you CAN do other things well. Looking after your physical and mental health is not a treat. You deserve better. Think about that next time you're feeling guilty for not doing something with that spare half an hour you've been blessed with.
I put up Instagram pictures and tweets about this a lot but you DO matter and you I want more people to themselves first when they can. Taking some time for yourself doesn't have to be a big deal, nor does it have to be expensive. At the moment I have been taking an hour in the evening to play a game, read something that has nothing to do with my course or even just lay in bed. I have given myself a more extensive face care routine which I have loved getting doing because it really makes me fell so refreshed and more like I've got my life together. But after going through a very stressful year I feel so much more relaxed and at peace with myself, despite living in very similar conditions.
Above everything else I just want people to understand that you're not meant to have your mind running 24 hours a day, you don't have to work until something is 100% finished every time. Stop for a while (doesn't matter how long, my main 'stop' was for eight months whilst I rethought university) just let yourself breathe.
TAKE A BREAK. YOU WON'T REGRET IT :)
Much love,
Chloe x
In the past, I'd do this by treating myself to a face mask or going out for dinner. It was something that kept my moral up and let me let go of whatever I had on my mind. However, I have found that this became more of a 'reward', this isn't what I wanted. Making time for yourself shouldn't be something you do because you did other aspects of your life well, but a necessity so that you CAN do other things well. Looking after your physical and mental health is not a treat. You deserve better. Think about that next time you're feeling guilty for not doing something with that spare half an hour you've been blessed with.
I put up Instagram pictures and tweets about this a lot but you DO matter and you I want more people to themselves first when they can. Taking some time for yourself doesn't have to be a big deal, nor does it have to be expensive. At the moment I have been taking an hour in the evening to play a game, read something that has nothing to do with my course or even just lay in bed. I have given myself a more extensive face care routine which I have loved getting doing because it really makes me fell so refreshed and more like I've got my life together. But after going through a very stressful year I feel so much more relaxed and at peace with myself, despite living in very similar conditions.
Above everything else I just want people to understand that you're not meant to have your mind running 24 hours a day, you don't have to work until something is 100% finished every time. Stop for a while (doesn't matter how long, my main 'stop' was for eight months whilst I rethought university) just let yourself breathe.
TAKE A BREAK. YOU WON'T REGRET IT :)
Much love,
Chloe x
Thursday, 28 September 2017
"New Year, New Me."
It might come as a shock to some people, but you don't actually have to wait until January first to set yourself a fresh start with goals and ambitions for the future.
I spent many years of my life waiting for new years, with my list of resolutions to start that I already knew I would failed miserably in completing. "Get Fit!" "Eat healthier!" "Do all my homework on the day I get it!", you're lying to yourself. And you know it.
This year, personally, has been a tough one and I'm sure I'm not alone with being completely over 2017. But that doesn't mean I have to wait to start fresh, at the end of the day, nothing happens overnight. Be sensible and realistic. I find I am easily disheartened if I lose sight of my goals, even just one and I end up on a quick downward spiral of 'fuck it' that gets me nowhere. This year, I have decided to start setting my goals in a way that keeps me invested.
They tend to fall into one of three categories:
1. Goals that I WILL DEFINITELY achieve: things like 'go to work on time' and 'visit nan and grandad'. These should be things you have plenty of intention of doing, and things that don't require going outside of your routine too much, if at all. This keeps you motivated, but also keeps you working on the basics whilst you are focused elsewhere.
2. Goals that I SHOULD achieve: with some effort, goals such as 'keep up to date on lecture notes' and 'avoid ridiculous spending on meal deals' can be implemented and achieved. These goals should be causing little changes to your daily routine but shouldn't be difficult to enforce. This will slowly become habit and you won't mind making that lunch box in a morning or spending an hour or so every night typing up what you did that day.
3. Goals that I WANT to achieve: so this is where the real work comes in, these are often long term goals such as 'save up for that apartment' or 'get the grades I need for uni'. These are bold and difficult goals that, if achieved, would change your life. These goals should have more flexibility in but you should ultimately be working towards the best scenario, it's incredibly motivating to have this 'end game'.
I spent many years of my life waiting for new years, with my list of resolutions to start that I already knew I would failed miserably in completing. "Get Fit!" "Eat healthier!" "Do all my homework on the day I get it!", you're lying to yourself. And you know it.
This year, personally, has been a tough one and I'm sure I'm not alone with being completely over 2017. But that doesn't mean I have to wait to start fresh, at the end of the day, nothing happens overnight. Be sensible and realistic. I find I am easily disheartened if I lose sight of my goals, even just one and I end up on a quick downward spiral of 'fuck it' that gets me nowhere. This year, I have decided to start setting my goals in a way that keeps me invested.
They tend to fall into one of three categories:
1. Goals that I WILL DEFINITELY achieve: things like 'go to work on time' and 'visit nan and grandad'. These should be things you have plenty of intention of doing, and things that don't require going outside of your routine too much, if at all. This keeps you motivated, but also keeps you working on the basics whilst you are focused elsewhere.
2. Goals that I SHOULD achieve: with some effort, goals such as 'keep up to date on lecture notes' and 'avoid ridiculous spending on meal deals' can be implemented and achieved. These goals should be causing little changes to your daily routine but shouldn't be difficult to enforce. This will slowly become habit and you won't mind making that lunch box in a morning or spending an hour or so every night typing up what you did that day.
3. Goals that I WANT to achieve: so this is where the real work comes in, these are often long term goals such as 'save up for that apartment' or 'get the grades I need for uni'. These are bold and difficult goals that, if achieved, would change your life. These goals should have more flexibility in but you should ultimately be working towards the best scenario, it's incredibly motivating to have this 'end game'.
A lot of people set time frames for their goals, I don't. Not properly anyway. Some aspirations have a natural or obvious end point, such as exam results or if it involves regular actions. However, generally I find that putting pressure on yourself to achieve before a certain point leads to fake results and almost immediate regression after the finish line. Be brave, be enthusiastic, but be sensible. Don't put pressure on yourself to do things you're not ready for, take your time and you will achieve great things.
Right now my goals are simple:
1. Make time for important people in my life
2. Budget well
3. 2:1 or above in first year
They are basic but they make sense. You should allow yourself that simplicity, if you smash these, AMAZING. Set more, or even reward yourself with the luxury that life is going pretty well and keep up the good habits. Above everything else, don't be afraid of change, because you don't know where it might lead.
Much love,
- Chloe x
Tuesday, 19 September 2017
Back to Uni !!
So anyone that knows me knows that my first attempt at uni went, in a word, disastrous. After almost a year of thinking it through, I now know exactly why, but I wouldn't change a thing... Despite my £7000 of pointless debt.
Set the scene, you've spent the entirety of your earlier terms of your A2 year putting together your UCAS application for a degree, then waiting on responses and ultimately waiting on results. You study DAMN HARD and hope for the best, only to then decide less than a week before results day that the academic life isn't for you and you want to be more creative... Maybe study a language, or an art... Maybe JAPANESE. Yep, this idiot made a very last minute change from a politics degree, to Japanese. The lovely guy on the phone explained it was a complete beginners course and you didn't need any prior knowledge and that my expected grades were more than enough. Sure enough, results day rolled around and I had success, gaining myself a place at the University of Sheffield to do Japanese Studies. Honestly, I was excited.
Then term started...
The "beginners" course was a rather loose term, and the pace of learning was quick! If you have a talent for languages or are already on basics terms with Japanese this course would be perfect, it's really interesting and works at a pace that you could hold your own in conversation within a year. Not to mention how exciting the year abroad would be. But for little old me who hadn't even mastered the Japanese alphabets by the end of freshers week, not so great. The first term was hell, I tried my best to turn up to every session and I didn't go out much because I was studying (or napping) a lot, but very quickly I felt myself giving up. Speaking sessions brought me to tears and the catch up sessions were deemed pointless by the fact that I didn't even know the previous weeks work, never mind catch up on this week. I never, technically, failed anything... But I definitely quit whilst I was ahead.
I never returned to lessons after Christmas, I took leave of absence that eventually led me to drop out in the summer. Despite the fact the I couldn't stand my course, my Sheffield experience was far from bad. For one, I had the most amazing flatmates and they are friends I will hopefully have for life. The memories I made from sitting on the couch for bake off to messy nights at Corp and Poptarts I will cherish forever.
Set the scene, you've spent the entirety of your earlier terms of your A2 year putting together your UCAS application for a degree, then waiting on responses and ultimately waiting on results. You study DAMN HARD and hope for the best, only to then decide less than a week before results day that the academic life isn't for you and you want to be more creative... Maybe study a language, or an art... Maybe JAPANESE. Yep, this idiot made a very last minute change from a politics degree, to Japanese. The lovely guy on the phone explained it was a complete beginners course and you didn't need any prior knowledge and that my expected grades were more than enough. Sure enough, results day rolled around and I had success, gaining myself a place at the University of Sheffield to do Japanese Studies. Honestly, I was excited.
Then term started...
The "beginners" course was a rather loose term, and the pace of learning was quick! If you have a talent for languages or are already on basics terms with Japanese this course would be perfect, it's really interesting and works at a pace that you could hold your own in conversation within a year. Not to mention how exciting the year abroad would be. But for little old me who hadn't even mastered the Japanese alphabets by the end of freshers week, not so great. The first term was hell, I tried my best to turn up to every session and I didn't go out much because I was studying (or napping) a lot, but very quickly I felt myself giving up. Speaking sessions brought me to tears and the catch up sessions were deemed pointless by the fact that I didn't even know the previous weeks work, never mind catch up on this week. I never, technically, failed anything... But I definitely quit whilst I was ahead.
I never returned to lessons after Christmas, I took leave of absence that eventually led me to drop out in the summer. Despite the fact the I couldn't stand my course, my Sheffield experience was far from bad. For one, I had the most amazing flatmates and they are friends I will hopefully have for life. The memories I made from sitting on the couch for bake off to messy nights at Corp and Poptarts I will cherish forever.
Medics Bar Crawl (Did Tom mention he was a medic?)
Halloween (I've never been more proud of anything than Dylan's face paint that night. My university success right there)
Thank you to these beautiful humans for making my uni experience worthwhile.
Not forgetting my coursemates who never stopped making me giggle when we'd sit in Sophie's flat to avoid speaking class watching Korean TV dramas, or that one time we thought Ben had gone home but he'd actually been past out drunk in the toilets for two hours.
Oh Ben.
So upon leaving, I was not a happy gal. But I was lucky enough to have full support from my friends and family. I got a job after a few months and my confidence came back in drabs. I made a few decisions about my future, to no avail, applying for jobs I wasn't quite qualified for and a course I wasn't experienced enough to do. Which all led to this point, with a quick decision that is actually a complete 360, i'm going back to university... To do politics.
This is where a lot of people were like, see you're doing what you wanted to do in the first place, but they couldn't be more wrong. There is nothing, a year ago, I wanted to less than politics, I was over doing what people wanted me to. That's why my advice to you here is threefold:
- Don't be scared to say you're not ready.
When I finished college, I hadn't thought about options other than university. I applied to do one of the three subjects I had from a levels and thought that was going to be my decision. I knew that deep down, at the time, I was academically exhausted. I needed time and advice, both things college and expectations don't seem to help with. Take your time, rash decisions get you somewhere you are completely unprepared for and down on yourself. - If you're not sure, don't bother.
Are you just going to uni because you don't know what else to do? Do you actually enjoy this subject? You don't have to know where you are going with it, you just have to know that you want to spend at least 3 years getting there. Be confident, it'll get you far. - University isn't as scary as the memes would lead you to believe, you'll be fine.
I have some of the best memories ever from my time at uni, even with how awful my academic life was. And whilst I am scared to go back, I'm twice as excited to see what this year has in store for me. The uni meme pages often petrified me because I assumed I'd be out of my depth. Just be prepared, have fun and be honest with the people around you, especially when you need help.
To those starting university this September (whatever year), best of luck. You'll smash it! And to those who are thinking of applying for next year, do your research and don't be afraid to apply in the direction you think is best, other people's advice can only take you so far.
Much love,
- Chloe x
Wednesday, 13 September 2017
Get Organised!
I've recently followed some amazing blogs that have inspired me a lot and I've decided that it's about time I started one myself.
Since leaving education I've felt a little all over the place and have struggled to feel organised and prepared. Last week, I noticed a video on Facebook talking about a 'bullet journal' and I fell in love. I've wasted so much money on planners and journals over the past few years that I never use because they've not got sections that I need or have lots of pointless ideas in them that deter me from keeping up with it. A bullet journal is made by you, for you, it doesn't have to be expensive and it can suit you exactly.
Literally the day after I saw this video, I got dressed and went into my town centre and ended up getting a little bit stationary mad.
That's it! You're ready to start your journal.
The design and contents is completely up to you, be bold and make sure you include everything you think will help you in day to day life.
My personal planner works mainly on a monthly basis and has lots of useful pages such as budget planning and habit trackers. Something I would suggest using in the journal would be an index as well as a key, this will aid you not only designing the pages but also in the future to make sense of your little scribbles whilst on the go.
Be creative, don't be afraid to use fancy headers and doodles. Fill pages that don't have much on with inspirational quotes or with your favourite little drawings. Have fun with it, it'll only make you want to keep up with it because of all your hard work.
side note: told you I used a lot of washi tape😅
I'm going to talk you through the rest of my journal, feel free to take ideas, adapt them to your life or completely reinvent them! Remember: this is YOUR journal.
Following the index and key, I have what I like to call my 'Future Log' which is basically a calendar with room for expansion and notes. Just split up the pages evenly, I did 3 columns per page, and then leave room below for anything you need to expand on. Don't worry about putting every little event or task you have here, that comes later.
Tracking my habits is something I do to follow up on my behaviours and at the end of each month I reflect on this and try to adapt my lifestyle to improve the 'results'. I have found it INCREDIBLY helpful in aiding my mental state and eliminating self destructive behaviour. I document every single day: my mood; my exercise; if I have taken time to draw/read and other things such as cleaning and if I have drank alcohol. If you're a worrier or just someone who needs a little more self love, this page isn't much effort and has immensely noticeable results.
I bought everything from Ryman's because I was lucky to catch the 'Back to School' clearance, but i'm sure you can pick everything up online pretty cheap.
I walked in and straight away spotted the highlighters (every stationary nerd's biggest weakness) for just £3.99, I couldn't resist the pastel set and Stabilo ones last ages so I was happy handing over my bank card for this one. The fine liner and fibre tip pens (also Stabilo) were a bargain for £9.99, they are all I use to write in the journal so very much worth the price.
If you're anything like me, you will have regularly given up on similar projects because, like any human, you made small mistakes and decided it didn't look as 'pretty' as you wanted. Well, ladies and gentlemen and everyone in between, the motherland, Japan has yet again come up with a solution in the art of 'Washi tape'. Literally any mark you make that you don't like can be covered with this tape and you feel like it's still cute enough to fit in with your beautiful little book. You can get washi tape in thousands of designs and colours, I chose a baby pink roll for 59p in the sale and it's been a god send.
Finally, the journal itself was more difficult, I wanted a unruled journal that was completely plain but still had a nice colour cover. This journal is a Teal Leuchtturm unruled A5 250 page journal and cost £14.99. Some people prefer a dotted or squared journal but plain was nice and easy and this journal comes with a stencil under sheet if you're bothered about straight lines for writing.
The design and contents is completely up to you, be bold and make sure you include everything you think will help you in day to day life.
My personal planner works mainly on a monthly basis and has lots of useful pages such as budget planning and habit trackers. Something I would suggest using in the journal would be an index as well as a key, this will aid you not only designing the pages but also in the future to make sense of your little scribbles whilst on the go.
Be creative, don't be afraid to use fancy headers and doodles. Fill pages that don't have much on with inspirational quotes or with your favourite little drawings. Have fun with it, it'll only make you want to keep up with it because of all your hard work.
side note: told you I used a lot of washi tape😅
I'm going to talk you through the rest of my journal, feel free to take ideas, adapt them to your life or completely reinvent them! Remember: this is YOUR journal.
Following the index and key, I have what I like to call my 'Future Log' which is basically a calendar with room for expansion and notes. Just split up the pages evenly, I did 3 columns per page, and then leave room below for anything you need to expand on. Don't worry about putting every little event or task you have here, that comes later.
The best thing I have found here is that I can work from the month I have decided to start the journal rather than making all my organisation plans in January or wasting a bunch of months/space in a normal planner.
Next is my monthly planner, an easier view of what's to come this month. Perfect place to highlight birthdays, anniversaries, holidays and other big events as well as boring stuff like appointments and those dreaded deadlines. Again, make it look the way you want, I plan to change this page every month, especially at times like Halloween and Christmas when I can theme it. Why not?
Particularly important date? Highlight it or write it on top of some washi tape!
Even more detail comes in the weekly logs, draw up enough of these for every week of the month (remember some months run across 5 weeks, don't get caught out). Here is where you can put your daily tasks, remind yourself to book appointments, visit family members, call your friend or pay rent. It's nice to have literally everything laid out in front of you, from pay day to 'look into Spotify premium', because at once glance you can't forget anything. You can also go into plenty of detail here, you can put the full address of a flat you're going to view, or remind yourself of when your next job interview will be and what they need you to take. Everything is there for you to follow.
After this, you can get creative! I have decided to opt for a 'brain dump' page each month for anything that won't make sense elsewhere. I usually use this page to scribble passwords or important contact details. But sometimes it's just fun to doodle and write how I feel here, especially on a long train journey or if I'm up late at night, it's rather therapeutic.
Tracking my habits is something I do to follow up on my behaviours and at the end of each month I reflect on this and try to adapt my lifestyle to improve the 'results'. I have found it INCREDIBLY helpful in aiding my mental state and eliminating self destructive behaviour. I document every single day: my mood; my exercise; if I have taken time to draw/read and other things such as cleaning and if I have drank alcohol. If you're a worrier or just someone who needs a little more self love, this page isn't much effort and has immensely noticeable results.
Following that, expenses. Yes, budgeting is never fun, but it is often essential. This is a super basic tracker of outgoings each month (including spontaneous spends). This helps me notice where all the money I think I have saved each month has disappeared to and makes me tighten my purse strings a little when needed. Separately to this I have a much more elaborate finance planner, which I might post at a later date, but this is enough to work through each month as long as you're honest with the table.
Finally, make sure you remember each month fondly. Fill a page or two with the fun stuff you've done. Print mini pictures or save travel tickets. Stick them in with the washi tape (another of it's many uses), it's a great way to never forget the good days and keep your souvenirs safe.
Overall, setting up a months worth of these pages, making them ready to use, took me around an hour. I can't express how much even this is enjoyable, it usually gets me feeling really inspired and motivated to get my life on track. Get creative, have fun with it! Make space to write poems, draw your feelings or even just to scribble if you feel like it. Make it your own and you will go so far with it.
Well, that's all from me. The rest is up to you.
~ Chloe x
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