Summer, Growing Up and Other Thoughts

If you've ever had the unfortunate experience of meeting me, finding my social media or even coming within 100m of my existence, you'll know how much I love to talk about my friends. I always have been and always will be their ultimate hype squad. I have been lucky to have been surrounded by the most amazing people my whole life, pretty much a street away or short walk at most. Because of this, it is safe to say that I spent the first 18 years of my life barely apart from them. At twenty, spread across the world and incredibly busy, this is no longer so much a possibility. Most of the year I can come to terms with this, summer is not one of those times.

As long as I can remember, the second the sun came out, it was a sign that we should definitely be doing something together. One of my earliest memories of being with my friends was being in the paddling pool with Jamie and Emma, or when we'd roast marshmallows over a burning log in Emma's garden. As we grew up, this never changed.

Every single summer, I can remember spending most of it with my favourite losers by my side. 

 

I probably couldn't even begin to explain how many hours we sat in or under a tree in our local park. Most of my high school age years, any chance we got we were there or costa, without much of a plan, usually just some sweets and some crazy scheme about how our future would end up. This all sounds a little rose-tinted as I write it down, but I swear, every word of it is true.

And when it got dark, or cold or it rained... Kate's bedroom was always ready for us to all snuggle up together in. We all hold her bed in the highest and fondest light, I've never been comfier in my life. Facemasks, fruit and REALLY good brews (even if she did put a ladle of sugar in once when I asked for "one big spoon of sugar"), bad weather never stopped our stupid antics. Not with Kate's beautiful DVD collection. 

I put a post up on facebook a few years back that came up in my memories recently that quoted Josh saying "I was gonna throw your dad in the pool Chlo, but he is too much of a hench so I threw his shoes in instead." My friends became my family and my family loved them like they were too, every year we had results day parties, with us lot and some years had parents, grandparents and siblings too. It was still just as hilarious and fun. We'd spent so long revising together (and very much not revising together), that it was really the biggest relief and blow off of steam, it was amazing.

Leaving high school only made this more fun, we travelled and we did more and more. Leeds Fest was wet, cold and insane but I loved (almost) every second of it because I spent all my time with the greatest people in the world. That same year, and warning again if you know me you're probably sick of hearing about this, my pals and I decided to book a little holiday together. We looked at everything, Amsterdam, Paris, Spain... And ended up in Penmaenmawr, Wales... Population about 4, but I have never had more fun. We just relished in doing what we wanted, which was going to the beach, making roast dinners, eating chinese and watching the scream films. Nothing more sums us up than that trip away and I wouldn't want anything to.

That was our last summer before we all went off into the real world, into to university, into jobs, all over the country, and in some cases, all over the world. And it got hard. Don't get me wrong, you won't a group chat more active than ours, nor will you find people more determined to make plans work. But sometimes they just... don't. 

Growing up in a close group of friends is amazing. You become completely different people but would not change a thing. Watching all my pals do amazing things is what makes me happier than anything else, and being there for them when they're struggling is my main priority. The latter is much harder when you can't put your shoes on over your bed socks and head on over for a cuddle and that was something I was thoroughly unprepared for. 

I know, I know that it's just a part of growing up. You see it all the time in stupid BuzzFeed comics. But it doesn't make it any easier. Tonight, my pals that are back at home phoned me and asked if I was working Sunday (of course, I was) and if not to come have a "girls" night tomorrow. Trying to schedule plans is something we were always awful at because we never had to do it. Trying to organise something now, when people work all the time and live all over the place and have a hundred other commitments is near impossible. And while we all understand why it's not always possible for us all to be there, it doesn't make it any easier. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is, things are gonna change. But don't ever lose sight of how amazing and wonderful those friendships can be. It's easy to see the drifting trend that has occurred with other friends earlier in life. But honestly one night back together and you'll know that's not true. Nobody makes you smile like they do, and there is a reason for that. 

This summer might be different. The summer holidays might be a thing of the past. But summer memories don't have to be. Ring your pal, tell them you love them. Just kidding, text them, calling them might worry them. 

The proof really is in the pudding. These losers are my world. Even if it is for one night only, make sure you live your best life with your best people. 

Sorry for the soppy rant guys, I needed it. I have another blog coming this weekend that is more targeted at everyone. I hope you enjoyed it anyway and think about calling your pal.

Much love,

Chloe x

Women That Inspire Me #InternationalWomensDay

Hi everyone and Happy International Women's Day!

In honour of the occasion, I wanted to put out another short and sweet blog with some people who inspire me. Whether that is in real life, through Instagram/twitter or through the wider media.

I am incredibly lucky to be surrounded by a family who will support me in everything I do and I would do absolutely anything for all the amazing women and girls I get to be so close to. They all inspire me in different ways but together help me stay strong and stay confident in myself.

 My gorgeous little Nanna Mary, who thinks that I could rule the world. Thank you for looking after me always and inspiring me to dream big and feel beautiful. 

 My lil sis, always by my side and more recently a best friend. Can always rely on you to cheer me up. Thank you for inspiring me to look on the bright side when I really couldn't. 

 My mum, my best friend, my therapist, my go to hug and I'm pretty sure a tissue at times (sorry for all the tears and snot I've got on your t shirt over the years). Thank you for inspiring me to always be a better person every single day and being the strongest person I know. 

My fabulous Nanna Pam, always there for a brew and a chat. Thank you for inspiring me to take my time and reminding me that every goal takes time.

Laura, my literal teacher. Thank you for inspiring me to work hard and learn everything I can. 

My friends and I are incredibly close and they too are some of my biggest inspirations. 

Jodie: thank you for being my rock and inspiring me never to take no shit from nobody. 

Kate: thank you for inspiring me to be more creative, productive and always telling letting me know that you're fitter with glitter.

Emma: thank you inspiring me to stay set on my dreams and reminding me it's ok to cry.

Jamie: thank you for inspiring me to not care what people think and be a stronger, more creative person. 

Sarah: thank you for inspiring me to work hard for what I want and not to stop until I get it. 

Mollie: thank you for inspiring me to do the things I thought I could only dream of.

Kate Bazley: thank you for inspiring me to remember to laugh and have fun, daily. And to make effort for family. 

Shell Caine: thank you for inspiring me to be strong and making me feel like I can take on anything. 

Fern: thank you for inspiring me to be productive, to write blogs, to read and to just enjoy the things I always forget to. 

E2 Jodie: thank you for inspiring me to be confident when I didn't think I could and to always have fun.

Izzy: thank you for inspiring me to believe in myself and to look after myself for once instead of others. 

Imogen, Emily and Antonela: thank you for inspiring me to be strong as I start my academic life all over again.

If you follow me on Instagram, you'll have seen that all day I have been letting people know that they inspire me. I am hugely grateful to so many amazing women in my life and I hope they know it. 

Giovanna Fletcher: thank you for inspiring me to not just have one goal. She is a mother, a wife, an author, a singer, an actress, a podcaster, a youtuber, a presenter, an activist and an all round kick ass lady. 

Megan Jayne Crabbe (bodyposipanda): thank you for inspiring me to be proud of who I am and achieve amazing things regardless of my size/shape/ethnicity/background.

Michelle Obama: thank you for inspiring girls to know their worth.

Women and girls everywhere, thank you for inspiring me to be the strongest, smartest, most confident and amazing woman I can be. We are women, and we should be so proud. 

Much love, 

- Chloe x

Why I need feminism, and why it's ok if you don't.

Before I start, I don't know who posted my googleform on 4chan, but thanks :////

I recently attended a feminism debate as part of my University debate society, it was actually incredibly insightful and as I sat there I realised, despite arguments either way, how much I needed feminism. Talking to my boyfriend about it he told me something that broke my heart. Plus, over the next two months I will be part of a mentoring group for FE students talking about sexual consent and other related topics, and everyday I realise another way I appreciate feminism.

I've decided that I want to put together a list of reasons why, when I asked, people said they needed feminism, starting with the story from my boyfriend:

STORYTIME!!

1.  Anyone who knows me personally will know that I met Corey on Tinder (no shame,  neither of us were actually looking for anything but a confidence boost, I'm basically just a rebound that has lasted a lot longer than expected 😅), we spoke for months before actually meeting and when we did we spent the day together and went for drinks in the evening. I didn't realise at the time but apparently I naturally spent the whole night with my thumb over the top of the bottle. I don't think he realised until that moment that this is the type of thing that a lot of girls (and guys of course) do without thinking due to a drilled in fear. It was very much a sobering moment for me in thinking about the kind of world we live in. 
2. Night out culture in generally petrifies me. Generally my group of friends gave up on girls night after one attempt consisting of a great night interrupted on too many occasions by men much older that us (we were barely 18 at the time) moving in on us and literally moving from one of us to the next when we rejected them before becoming irritated and argumentative. The amount of times I've had to ask to swap places with a male friend (shout out to my boys Liam, Michael Sean, Josh and my actual boy Corey for looking after us all on several occasions. And thank you to Dylan, Tom and Adbae for some hilarious saves in Sheffield) is actually embarrassing. It is the feminist movement that has pushed more people to step in in these instances, even for people they don't know and everyday now I see wonderful stories of girls helping girls out of sticky situations and guys stepping in for their friends or complete strangers. People get too drunk sometimes, it happens, look after your pals, you know they'd do the same for you. 
3. Victim blaming  and slut shaming is the next point I'd like to make a point about. "How much did they drink?", "What were they wearing?", "didn't they do drugs though?" just graze the surface of the things people have said to try and justify cases of sexual assault and rape. Feminism is a community that made me feel like they wouldn't judge in this way if I had something to say, they'd take what I say and they'd help me move forward. If I wanna wear a cute little dress, fishnets and heels and boogie the night away with my girls, maybe have a little too much to drink, I do not deserve to be taken advantage of, THERE IS NO DEBATE SURROUNDING THAT. 
4. Sexual harassment more generally is being brought to light by the feminist movement. I recently spoke to a family member about the #MeToo movement, and they said that they don't support historic allegations because "that's just how it was then". Whilst I understand why they say this, I think it's important that we still support these individuals in moving forward and take their points with no less validation. It's only in very recent times that feminism has helped people realise that sexual comments towards colleagues is not considered as funny or appropriate and it's this type of stigma it continues to aid. 
5. Feminism isn't just a female issue, I think the way it helps to break down toxic masculinity has been incredibly beneficial to a lot of boys and men, especially through their puberty years as they gather their own identity better. It is not trying to take away men's 'masculinity' as such, but to widen what is seen as socially acceptable. In the debate I talked about, one of the guys talked about how it would just help people be themselves. Even touching on the fact that breaking this idea of toxic masculinity down would be incredibly useful in allowing for men to be treated for their mental health issues, especially for depression and issues like PTSD. Instead of "manning up" they can get the help they deserve. (I see people's point about breaking down the 'masculine image some men want to identify with, but there are some who don't and that's ok too.)
6. Pressure on motherhood is something that I personally never thought of. But a lot of other women came to me saying this was a reason they felt they needed feminism. It is important to remember that this is very much still a real issue. Even in 2018, women are pressured because they decide to not become a mother, or when they decide they want to have a baby over working, or working over a motherhood, or even for doing both. Making any and all of the decisions regarding motherhood difficult. Not to mention feminists movement surround women's reproductive health and abortion rights. 
7. Body positivity is hugely important in the feminist community and always has been, I love to watch this part of the movement grow! It spreads genuine happiness and helps so many people with body confidence issues. 
8. EQUALITY for all and nothing more.

Asides from this, I asked several other questions to gauge opinion on feminism in general. I completely understand that not everyone sees feminism in the light that I and the people who helped me write the above list do. Despite this, I think it's important to mention that a lot of the people I managed to speak to were indeed feminist, Western and of the most part they were people I knew but I tried to vary opinion as much as I could.  

Ellie Taylor summed up what most people where thinking perfectly in saying "Feminism has become a dirty word over the past few years and I think that's due to a lot of western feminists arguably focusing their (social media) attention on issues that a lot of people, feminists or not, would deem trivial and taking things 'too far'." and that this has led to a perception of feminism as a man hating and exaggerated society that will happily, and - at times - wrongly play the victim. This will often make those who support the cause more widely turn away from feminism altogether. Within the debate I found that this was an issue for a lot of people, people completely agreed that the problems that were mentioned needed to be fixed, but did not agreed that feminism was the answer to that. Ellie also makes an amazing point that social equality of the sexes is a much more complex issue as there are no guidelines and no formal way of changing people's attitudes or behaviour. Subsequently, because it is the social issues where the media (and social media for that matter) focuses itself, hateful and intense debate can often be sparked and this divided the moment even further from people who may otherwise believe in it's causes.

Side note: Big thanks to Ellie for being a gem and sending me her genuine thoughts on the matter. Her insight was hugely influential to this blog so I can't express how grateful I am for her answer. 

Some people also mentioned that they thought feminism had done it's job in it's first and second wave. That this third wave of feminism was just plagued with trivial matters. Whilst this has already been mentioned, I think it is important to remember that these earlier waves of feminism were created and fought mainly for white women and straight women. A drive for equality now has focus on LGBTQ+ equality, black and ethnic minority equality and class respect. That's why a lot of people don't feel engaged with feminism anymore, they just don't see how it would effect them or their immediate circle. Not in a mainly white, western community with good education opportunities. For this reason, I can understand why people wanted to 'move on' from feminism but continue to fight for the many causes that feminism does.

Overall, I can honestly see why people are turning away from feminism. The extremism and of incredibly exclusive environment is not appealing to many. In a time when there are so many different perceptions on the ideology it has been pulled to several extremes, however something a lot of people mentioned when asked about moving on from feminism was education. With education of equality and the history and achievements of feminism, the perception of it all would become so much more well defined and healthier. We need to respect each others beliefs as with all walks of life and understand that feminism isn't the path for everyone, but for those who feel they do need it, support should be easier to come by. 

Thank you so much to everyone who contributed, I can't tell you how taken aback I was by the response I received. I hope you found this to be at least some way insightful, I tried to stay honest and honour the opinions I received. 

Much love, 

- Chloe x

((on a separate note, due to my research being place on 4chan and me receiving a lot of negative and harsh comments unrelated to the topic, I kind of lost enthusiasm for this post as most real comments were lost in spam. I have used googleform genuine answers as much as possible but most of what I have is just from responses I received through Facebook, in person and Instagram. I apologise it wasn't more in depth))