20 things I've learnt in my 20 years.

Dear fifteen-year-old Chloe,

I'm sorry that you're not looking out for yourself, or after yourself. I'm sorry that you think that this is what you deserve. You are worth so much more than you think. I'm sorry that the doctors didn't listen. I'm sorry that the school has caused so many problems. I'm sorry that you are feeling the worst you've ever felt right now and I'm especially sorry that you don't know how to deal with these feelings. 

A week ago, I started talking to a friend about being younger and what we wished we would have known. I then opened the question up to people who follow me online to answer "what would you say to your fifteen-year-old self?". The answers definitely varied everything from "I'd tell myself to just shut up", to more genuine answers and even a (trigger warning) "it's coming home".

In my twenty years on this ever decaying planet, I've learned some things that past me could have really made use of. From talking to a few of you, it's clear that you could too. So, without any more ramblings, here are 20 things I've learnt in my life that I wish I'd have known earlier.

1. People don't care as much as you think they do: this one was a revelation that came when I went to college. When all of a sudden people who I would have imagined wouldn't even look me in the eye would sit and chat over a coffee both in leggings and a hoodie. It really was a shock to see that people have their own stuff to worry about and you wearing the same hoodie twice in one week is the last thought on their mind. 
2. Standing up for yourself isn't bitchy: if there is something that isn't sitting right with you, talk it out. It might seem like you're stirring up trouble. But you have to make sure you're absolutely happy with your involvement in anything. Nine times out of ten, you end up saying what other people are thinking anyway. 
3. Reading is cool: honestly soak up all that free reading time you have. The clock seems to go faster when you're older and there often isn't those moments where you can cosy up with a book. It's a perfect relaxation technique, and as crazy as it sounds it really is a fast track to greater enjoyment study and research for later in life. 
4. Listen to your parents: Honestly, with my parents, this was hard to admit. I've always been pretty independent so I genuinely always believe I was right. As cliche as this sounds, they really are just looking out for you.
   
5. Listen to your grandparents: now this one is probably my most important note on this list. It is threefold. First of all, your grandparents have so much unconditional love for you it's insane, they only say things because they believe it's the right thing to say. Secondly, they see enough of your life to know what's going on, but they're not always directly involved, your grandparents are a wonderful outside point of view to refer to. And lastly, aside from their advice and rules, as heartbreaking as it is, they won't be around forever. Listen to their stories and their ramblings, let them show you old photos and teach them how to use Facebook and their new tv and phones. Cherise every moment with them, they're little pieces of wonder you'll never replace. 
   
   
   
6. You don't always have to be strong: Honestly, it's ok to cry. Anywhere, anytime, if you need to let down those barriers, I beg you to do so. Even if you feel like the only person holding things together, this is one time faking it till you make it won't work. You deserve to feel as much as everyone else. 
7. Ask for help: I can't explain how hard this realisation was for me. Asking for help is something I rarely did, and I weirdly took pride in this. From homework to medical help, as hard as it may seem, there is nothing wrong and nothing painful about asking for help. Believe me. 
   
8. Never forget to live in the moment: stop planning, promising yourself things based on what you expect of yourself. There are so many amazing things happening around you right now. 
   
9. There is so much joy in looking at photos: whilst living in the moment is amazing, memories are captured perfectly in a photo. If you get a chance to take a shot without taking away from what is happening, DO IT. They make for an amazing smile on a bad day and you'll hold onto that moment forever in that image. 
   
   
10. Prioritising yourself sometimes isn't selfish: Anyone that knows me will probably tell you I'm a mum friend and overall a very maternal person. I love looking after others and will do everything in my power to help make people's lives just that little bit easier. But sometimes I forget about my own stuff. Taking some time to just put yourself first is not selfish and is sensible. How are you meant to be there for others if you're not the best version of yourself?
11. Have house parties whilst you can: a little more lighthearted but nightclubs are shit and house parties are ace and the availability of those when you get old enough to go out are slim to none. Live your best life every chance you get and house party it up.
12. You don't have to have it all together, nobody else does: looking around you at any age you can feel as though everyone else has it all planned. They know how to pass that exam or what they are gonna do with their life. Yea,h some people are better prepared than others, but as long as you are happy and still trying you're doing great. Nobody has their shit together. You're fine. 
    
13. Don't be ashamed of a bargain: don't spend money on things you are never gonna use. It may look cool, but you're gonna spend most of your early adult life strapped for cash and if you can get a bargain, DO IT. Ain't no shame in value for money.  
14. Learn how to cook from family, not from recipes: I don't know if this is just me but recipes just don't materialise in something that is actually good. I'm academically minded so usually reading stuff and recreating it is my shit, but when it comes to cooking it's a no from me. Spend some time with the better cooks in your family, cook with them and see what they do, their little spins on meals that make them taste so good. Family time and life skills in one. Nailed it. 
15. Buy a slow-cooker: Again this may just be me, but after coming home from a late shift at work or uni, I don't even wanna think about cooking. That's when takeaway becomes tempting, and that's when you start to get fat and unhealthy (it's a slippery slope I've lived and regretted). My mind was absolutely blown when I realised it wasn't just stew and soup you could stick in the pot. If it was up to me I'd never use my oven again. I'm a slow cooker advocate through and through, it's just so handy.
16. Trust yourself: nobody knows you better than you do. Whilst, like I have already mentioned you should listen to your parents and grandparents, all of the decisions you make as you grow older are yours to make. Some of them are much harder than others and what might seem like the wrong decision to everyone else may seem like the best or only decision to you. It's your life and you have to live with the decision you make, not them.
17. Be honest, there's no point in living a lie: there are times in my life I've lived in little lies and I've often pushed an idealised version of myself. At the end of the day, the people you care about most, those who care about you most, will know the truth and deserve to.
18. It's ok to fail: damn this one hit me in the face like a bitch slap on steroids. As my earlier blogs have shown, in my early life I was PETRIFIED to fail, so much so that I either pushed myself too hard at the things I knew I was pretty good at or completely avoided those things I knew there was a possibility things would go bad. Failure really isn't that big of a deal, it often just gets you closer to definite success. Coming to terms with failure is the first sign that you will be successful. 
19. Your friends are as much your family as anyone: They are there through all the same things and hopefully will be around for everything to come. Treat them well and don't forget to keep in touch in times when they're not around the way you're used to them being. 
    
20. There is nothing wrong with baby steps: this is my absolutely lasting message. It's something I wish I'd have known from like age ten and want to remember for the rest of my life. Life is not a race and every small victory is still very much a victory. There is no time limit to your goals, let yourself be brave in your own time. 

I'd love to hear if you resonated with any of the things I have learnt or there is anything you think I should know about life going forward. I really appreciate all the answers that people gave to my Instagram and Facebook questions, they went into the list I created in many ways. Our fifteen-year-old selves should be proud of the people we have become, even if it wasn't what they were expecting. 

I want to be more active on here again moving into summer and my second year of university. I'm always open to ideas and if anyone wants in on a blog project I've had some thoughts. 

Until next time.

Much love, 

~ Chloe x

How to get the summer body you've always dreamed of!

I have written and rewritten this blog a thousand times since I began writing blogs at all, but from looking around me recently I am just sick of hearing people not doing what they want to do because they are self concious about the way they look. With summer coming up, the body poitivity movement needs to be stronger than ever. You deserve to not feel like you have to worry about your tummy rolls or untone arms when you're just trying to have a good day.

These are all photos I have take in the past 2 years, and in looking at each of them I saw only flaws but presented a positive and honestly fake body positive outlook of them online. I’d fallen into an incredibly unhealthy relationship with food and it showed in how I saw myself. My weight went up and down and I never saw anything but how awful I looked.

 And girl, in most of these I looked DAMN FINE!! I wish I still looked like that now but I am also glad that I can see the value of my body over how much I weigh or a little bit (or a lot a bit) of jiggle.

I'm the first person every day to notice my body's flaws, probably not the last, but first place is reserved for me. My whole life, I have never been confident about the way I look. Through high school, I was a round, large breasted, awkward teen who never really mastered makeup and not much has changed to this day.

I have spent too long breathing in and strategically standing in photos, when I could just enjoy myself. Losing such amazing moments to thoughts about losing weight is so pointless and so depressing. I by no mean like the way my body looks, my weight goes up and down like a yo-yo and yet I am forever squishy, but that doesn't mean I don't deserve to enjoy myself.

The main difference between me then and me now? Now, I am the person who controls how I feel about my body and me alone. And whilst I'm never going to stop trying to be the best version of me, I'm also very adamant to be in love with me as I am at present. I mean just look at these photos from the past year or so.

Every single person I have ever met at some point in their life has had at least some form of body confidence issues, male, female, young, old, big or small it is something we really struggle with, it can also lead down a much more difficult road. Body dysmorphia is very real in many forms, and from this stems eating disorders (of all types), depression and in some cases even suicidal thoughts. In a world where looks are deemed so important it is too easy to become obsessed with how your flaws. With every reality TV star trying to flog you "skinny teas" and "appetite suppressant lollipops" makes you think to be hungry is a bad thing. You know what tastes AND feels better than going hungry. EATING!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling good about your body, whatever it looks like. As long as you're physically healthy and happy. Not one other thing matters. And before all the health scare worriers start saying I am promoting obesity, first of all, go fuck yourself. Secondly, there is such thing as eating well and fully without cutting out meals and detoxing all of the fun out of your diet.

Diets are never going to solve your problems, by all means, change your eating habits to engage with a healthier lifestyle. But fad diets and constantly looking for a quick fix will only promote an unhealthy attitude towards yourself that you really don't deserve. And as summer comes along, and you want to pop on that bikini and tan? Or jump in the pool with your pals? Or even just to take your kids swimming? DO IT. Take control of the fact that your body IS a bikini body. Guys, worried about taking your top off at the beach? Not sure about your arms? You do you boy, get your belly out and forget about it, you'll regret not getting involved more than you would regret someone having to see you with your shirt off.

ALL people deserve to feel positive about their body. Nobody should feel ashamed of the way they look. And if people are trying to change, as long as their doing it for themselves in a safe and healthy way, hell yeah I support it.



Be kind to each other this summer, respect each other's insecurities. Treat each other with love and absolutely make all the plans you can. Summer comes to an end, and this is England, it's gonna be proper naff when it starts to go grey again.

Don't ask people about or point out their scars, their bumps, their loose skin, cellulite, dark underarms or body hair etc. Let's make this the summer where people make memories, not give up on them because their too self-conscious to do the things they want to.

So yeah, forget what all the women's mags and snapchat ads tell you, the best way to get a summer body in less than a week is to let go of what others think. The only person who can judge you is you, so be kind to yourself and remember what's important. I know this is all much more easily said than done, but believe me, another day forcing yourself to diet is another day you're not living your best life. You are beautiful if your butt is huge or non-existent. You are beautiful if you have toned, muscular arms or bingo wings You are beautiful if you are a small, tall, skinny, fat, lanky, G cup, A cup, single, taken, gay, straight, bi, asexual, trans, any shape, size, age, gender or sexuality. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL if you let yourself be.

Wear that dress you love, be bold with your colours, treat yourself to some cute new sunglasses. Oh and don't forget sun cream.

Eat well, dress cute and make memories.

Much love,

~ Chloe x

Summer, Growing Up and Other Thoughts

If you've ever had the unfortunate experience of meeting me, finding my social media or even coming within 100m of my existence, you'll know how much I love to talk about my friends. I always have been and always will be their ultimate hype squad. I have been lucky to have been surrounded by the most amazing people my whole life, pretty much a street away or short walk at most. Because of this, it is safe to say that I spent the first 18 years of my life barely apart from them. At twenty, spread across the world and incredibly busy, this is no longer so much a possibility. Most of the year I can come to terms with this, summer is not one of those times.

As long as I can remember, the second the sun came out, it was a sign that we should definitely be doing something together. One of my earliest memories of being with my friends was being in the paddling pool with Jamie and Emma, or when we'd roast marshmallows over a burning log in Emma's garden. As we grew up, this never changed.

Every single summer, I can remember spending most of it with my favourite losers by my side. 

 

I probably couldn't even begin to explain how many hours we sat in or under a tree in our local park. Most of my high school age years, any chance we got we were there or costa, without much of a plan, usually just some sweets and some crazy scheme about how our future would end up. This all sounds a little rose-tinted as I write it down, but I swear, every word of it is true.

And when it got dark, or cold or it rained... Kate's bedroom was always ready for us to all snuggle up together in. We all hold her bed in the highest and fondest light, I've never been comfier in my life. Facemasks, fruit and REALLY good brews (even if she did put a ladle of sugar in once when I asked for "one big spoon of sugar"), bad weather never stopped our stupid antics. Not with Kate's beautiful DVD collection. 

I put a post up on facebook a few years back that came up in my memories recently that quoted Josh saying "I was gonna throw your dad in the pool Chlo, but he is too much of a hench so I threw his shoes in instead." My friends became my family and my family loved them like they were too, every year we had results day parties, with us lot and some years had parents, grandparents and siblings too. It was still just as hilarious and fun. We'd spent so long revising together (and very much not revising together), that it was really the biggest relief and blow off of steam, it was amazing.

Leaving high school only made this more fun, we travelled and we did more and more. Leeds Fest was wet, cold and insane but I loved (almost) every second of it because I spent all my time with the greatest people in the world. That same year, and warning again if you know me you're probably sick of hearing about this, my pals and I decided to book a little holiday together. We looked at everything, Amsterdam, Paris, Spain... And ended up in Penmaenmawr, Wales... Population about 4, but I have never had more fun. We just relished in doing what we wanted, which was going to the beach, making roast dinners, eating chinese and watching the scream films. Nothing more sums us up than that trip away and I wouldn't want anything to.

That was our last summer before we all went off into the real world, into to university, into jobs, all over the country, and in some cases, all over the world. And it got hard. Don't get me wrong, you won't a group chat more active than ours, nor will you find people more determined to make plans work. But sometimes they just... don't. 

Growing up in a close group of friends is amazing. You become completely different people but would not change a thing. Watching all my pals do amazing things is what makes me happier than anything else, and being there for them when they're struggling is my main priority. The latter is much harder when you can't put your shoes on over your bed socks and head on over for a cuddle and that was something I was thoroughly unprepared for. 

I know, I know that it's just a part of growing up. You see it all the time in stupid BuzzFeed comics. But it doesn't make it any easier. Tonight, my pals that are back at home phoned me and asked if I was working Sunday (of course, I was) and if not to come have a "girls" night tomorrow. Trying to schedule plans is something we were always awful at because we never had to do it. Trying to organise something now, when people work all the time and live all over the place and have a hundred other commitments is near impossible. And while we all understand why it's not always possible for us all to be there, it doesn't make it any easier. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is, things are gonna change. But don't ever lose sight of how amazing and wonderful those friendships can be. It's easy to see the drifting trend that has occurred with other friends earlier in life. But honestly one night back together and you'll know that's not true. Nobody makes you smile like they do, and there is a reason for that. 

This summer might be different. The summer holidays might be a thing of the past. But summer memories don't have to be. Ring your pal, tell them you love them. Just kidding, text them, calling them might worry them. 

The proof really is in the pudding. These losers are my world. Even if it is for one night only, make sure you live your best life with your best people. 

Sorry for the soppy rant guys, I needed it. I have another blog coming this weekend that is more targeted at everyone. I hope you enjoyed it anyway and think about calling your pal.

Much love,

Chloe x

Women That Inspire Me #InternationalWomensDay

Hi everyone and Happy International Women's Day!

In honour of the occasion, I wanted to put out another short and sweet blog with some people who inspire me. Whether that is in real life, through Instagram/twitter or through the wider media.

I am incredibly lucky to be surrounded by a family who will support me in everything I do and I would do absolutely anything for all the amazing women and girls I get to be so close to. They all inspire me in different ways but together help me stay strong and stay confident in myself.

 My gorgeous little Nanna Mary, who thinks that I could rule the world. Thank you for looking after me always and inspiring me to dream big and feel beautiful. 

 My lil sis, always by my side and more recently a best friend. Can always rely on you to cheer me up. Thank you for inspiring me to look on the bright side when I really couldn't. 

 My mum, my best friend, my therapist, my go to hug and I'm pretty sure a tissue at times (sorry for all the tears and snot I've got on your t shirt over the years). Thank you for inspiring me to always be a better person every single day and being the strongest person I know. 

My fabulous Nanna Pam, always there for a brew and a chat. Thank you for inspiring me to take my time and reminding me that every goal takes time.

Laura, my literal teacher. Thank you for inspiring me to work hard and learn everything I can. 

My friends and I are incredibly close and they too are some of my biggest inspirations. 

Jodie: thank you for being my rock and inspiring me never to take no shit from nobody. 

Kate: thank you for inspiring me to be more creative, productive and always telling letting me know that you're fitter with glitter.

Emma: thank you inspiring me to stay set on my dreams and reminding me it's ok to cry.

Jamie: thank you for inspiring me to not care what people think and be a stronger, more creative person. 

Sarah: thank you for inspiring me to work hard for what I want and not to stop until I get it. 

Mollie: thank you for inspiring me to do the things I thought I could only dream of.

Kate Bazley: thank you for inspiring me to remember to laugh and have fun, daily. And to make effort for family. 

Shell Caine: thank you for inspiring me to be strong and making me feel like I can take on anything. 

Fern: thank you for inspiring me to be productive, to write blogs, to read and to just enjoy the things I always forget to. 

E2 Jodie: thank you for inspiring me to be confident when I didn't think I could and to always have fun.

Izzy: thank you for inspiring me to believe in myself and to look after myself for once instead of others. 

Imogen, Emily and Antonela: thank you for inspiring me to be strong as I start my academic life all over again.

If you follow me on Instagram, you'll have seen that all day I have been letting people know that they inspire me. I am hugely grateful to so many amazing women in my life and I hope they know it. 

Giovanna Fletcher: thank you for inspiring me to not just have one goal. She is a mother, a wife, an author, a singer, an actress, a podcaster, a youtuber, a presenter, an activist and an all round kick ass lady. 

Megan Jayne Crabbe (bodyposipanda): thank you for inspiring me to be proud of who I am and achieve amazing things regardless of my size/shape/ethnicity/background.

Michelle Obama: thank you for inspiring girls to know their worth.

Women and girls everywhere, thank you for inspiring me to be the strongest, smartest, most confident and amazing woman I can be. We are women, and we should be so proud. 

Much love, 

- Chloe x

Books That Stole My Heart (inspired by/stolen from violetdking.blogspot.co.uk)

I'll be completely honest with you here, until recently, it had been a long time since I got to sit down a read for pleasure. As far back as I can remember, reading has been one of my favourite things to do, but life really does get in the way. Thanks to a real gem in my life at the moment, I've finally picked up a book for fun, making time for myself and really enjoy myself.

I would really like to thank my gorgeous pal for that, you should all check out her blog http://violetdking.blogspot.co.uk/ and her youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/BeautifulFlamingo !! She is truly amazing, and I can promise you that you'll love her as much as I do.

The book she lent me was The Madness by Alison Rattle, she mentioned it in her blog on her favourite books, and I can see why. The story revolves around a young, poor, girl who has survived polio with a disability, in the late 1800s. From studying history I fell in love with it's accuracy to the time period as well as the way it so brilliantly expresses emotion. Marnie, the young girl, assists her mother in the Victorian medical practice of dipping by the ocean. The symbolism of the ocean in her eyes completely captivated me. This book was my train travel companion and I was always heartbroken when my stop came. I can't thank Fern enough for letting me borrow this book and I can't recommend it more.

The next book I will talk about nobody that knows me will be surprised to see this on my list. Giovanna Fletcher wrote Billy and Me in 2013 and it has since been a book I can read over and over again. A big movie star comes to town to film his part as Mr Darcy in a film remake of Pride and Prejudice and family coffee shop worker, Sophie May, seems to be the only one not caught up in the drama of it all. However, they find themselves coming together and quickly falling in love. The story follows how she feels about being pushed into the limelight, something I feel could have be close to home for Giovanna herself being married to McFly's Tom Fletcher. You can see this in the emotions portrayed through Sophie May that you may not expect in this situation. Overall it's just a really good, romantic read that completely kills me. Corey bought it me for Valentine's Day this year knowing mine was water damaged and I couldn't be happier. 

This next book is, when asked, my only answer to "what is your favourite book?". I actually haven't read it more than once and to be honest I don't think I ever will. I can't express the wonder and joy I experienced reading this, a tale of a mysterious travelling circus and people's experience with it. Whilst it has been said to be a little difficult to follow, if you let yourself just become immersed in moment with this book, you will surely love it as much as I do. I'm not going to give much away with this one, but please, just read it.

A lot of the books on this list are actually books I haven't read in a long time. I actually picked this one up again recently though. Once by Morris Gleitzman has some of the most historically accurate story lines I have ever read in a holocaust fiction book, whilst still being interesting and unique enough to want to read more. It follows Felix, a young Jewish boy from Poland who is looking for his parents after the Nazis have taken over, I can promise you that I have only ever cried properly at two books, and this is one of them so get some tissues. Overall, it's a quite short book and I got through it on a hours train journey so if you're a bit of a history buff, 100% give it a read. 

Speaking of books that made me cry, boy did this one get me. I tear up even thinking about Private Peaceful by Michael Morpurgo. It recalls a story of brothers and young love during wartime, I have never in my life read emotion more pure and real than in this book. Again I'm not going to give much away because you deserve to experience it for yourself, but you will laugh, cry, be angry, fall in love and be so bitter you won't know what has hit you. 

Lastly, is a book I gave to my auntie Laura when I was about 12 and she still won't let me live it down, Love Aubrey by Suzanne LeFleur. Whilst this is technically a children's book, I think it can only be truly appreciated as a young (or not so young) adult. Personally I think I was too young the first time I read it and the story wasn't quite given all it's glory, but upon revisiting it I was obsessed. 11 year old Aubrey loses her father and younger sister in a car crash and wakes up to find out her mother has abandoned her. We don't often see true emotion in children through books, but the way Suzanne LeFleur writes of Aubrey's depression is painfully accurate and is even more heartbreaking when you realise the Aubrey is just a child and doesn't truly understand what is happening to her. 

These are just a few of the hundreds of books I could place on this list. And yes a lot of them are now below my reading ability but honestly I think they all hold such wonderful memories and joy in reading I couldn't not include them. 

Other honourable mentions are: the Harry Potter series, Grow Up by Ben Brooks, Catch 22 by Joseph Heller, Brave New World by Aldous Huxley and The Twits by Roald Dahl

I want to read more, whenever I get a chance honestly. I've actually started to get up earlier in order to allow myself more time in the day to be able to do more things I enjoy, such as reading, drawing or planning/writing blogs. It's so important to allow yourself time to just do something that makes you happy, even if it has no truly productive outcome. I've really enjoyed writing this slightly less intense blog and hope to do more, if anyone has any ideas, please let me know!

Much love,

- Chloe x

Why I need feminism, and why it's ok if you don't.

Before I start, I don't know who posted my googleform on 4chan, but thanks :////

I recently attended a feminism debate as part of my University debate society, it was actually incredibly insightful and as I sat there I realised, despite arguments either way, how much I needed feminism. Talking to my boyfriend about it he told me something that broke my heart. Plus, over the next two months I will be part of a mentoring group for FE students talking about sexual consent and other related topics, and everyday I realise another way I appreciate feminism.

I've decided that I want to put together a list of reasons why, when I asked, people said they needed feminism, starting with the story from my boyfriend:

STORYTIME!!

1.  Anyone who knows me personally will know that I met Corey on Tinder (no shame,  neither of us were actually looking for anything but a confidence boost, I'm basically just a rebound that has lasted a lot longer than expected 😅), we spoke for months before actually meeting and when we did we spent the day together and went for drinks in the evening. I didn't realise at the time but apparently I naturally spent the whole night with my thumb over the top of the bottle. I don't think he realised until that moment that this is the type of thing that a lot of girls (and guys of course) do without thinking due to a drilled in fear. It was very much a sobering moment for me in thinking about the kind of world we live in. 
2. Night out culture in generally petrifies me. Generally my group of friends gave up on girls night after one attempt consisting of a great night interrupted on too many occasions by men much older that us (we were barely 18 at the time) moving in on us and literally moving from one of us to the next when we rejected them before becoming irritated and argumentative. The amount of times I've had to ask to swap places with a male friend (shout out to my boys Liam, Michael Sean, Josh and my actual boy Corey for looking after us all on several occasions. And thank you to Dylan, Tom and Adbae for some hilarious saves in Sheffield) is actually embarrassing. It is the feminist movement that has pushed more people to step in in these instances, even for people they don't know and everyday now I see wonderful stories of girls helping girls out of sticky situations and guys stepping in for their friends or complete strangers. People get too drunk sometimes, it happens, look after your pals, you know they'd do the same for you. 
3. Victim blaming  and slut shaming is the next point I'd like to make a point about. "How much did they drink?", "What were they wearing?", "didn't they do drugs though?" just graze the surface of the things people have said to try and justify cases of sexual assault and rape. Feminism is a community that made me feel like they wouldn't judge in this way if I had something to say, they'd take what I say and they'd help me move forward. If I wanna wear a cute little dress, fishnets and heels and boogie the night away with my girls, maybe have a little too much to drink, I do not deserve to be taken advantage of, THERE IS NO DEBATE SURROUNDING THAT. 
4. Sexual harassment more generally is being brought to light by the feminist movement. I recently spoke to a family member about the #MeToo movement, and they said that they don't support historic allegations because "that's just how it was then". Whilst I understand why they say this, I think it's important that we still support these individuals in moving forward and take their points with no less validation. It's only in very recent times that feminism has helped people realise that sexual comments towards colleagues is not considered as funny or appropriate and it's this type of stigma it continues to aid. 
5. Feminism isn't just a female issue, I think the way it helps to break down toxic masculinity has been incredibly beneficial to a lot of boys and men, especially through their puberty years as they gather their own identity better. It is not trying to take away men's 'masculinity' as such, but to widen what is seen as socially acceptable. In the debate I talked about, one of the guys talked about how it would just help people be themselves. Even touching on the fact that breaking this idea of toxic masculinity down would be incredibly useful in allowing for men to be treated for their mental health issues, especially for depression and issues like PTSD. Instead of "manning up" they can get the help they deserve. (I see people's point about breaking down the 'masculine image some men want to identify with, but there are some who don't and that's ok too.)
6. Pressure on motherhood is something that I personally never thought of. But a lot of other women came to me saying this was a reason they felt they needed feminism. It is important to remember that this is very much still a real issue. Even in 2018, women are pressured because they decide to not become a mother, or when they decide they want to have a baby over working, or working over a motherhood, or even for doing both. Making any and all of the decisions regarding motherhood difficult. Not to mention feminists movement surround women's reproductive health and abortion rights. 
7. Body positivity is hugely important in the feminist community and always has been, I love to watch this part of the movement grow! It spreads genuine happiness and helps so many people with body confidence issues. 
8. EQUALITY for all and nothing more.

Asides from this, I asked several other questions to gauge opinion on feminism in general. I completely understand that not everyone sees feminism in the light that I and the people who helped me write the above list do. Despite this, I think it's important to mention that a lot of the people I managed to speak to were indeed feminist, Western and of the most part they were people I knew but I tried to vary opinion as much as I could.  

Ellie Taylor summed up what most people where thinking perfectly in saying "Feminism has become a dirty word over the past few years and I think that's due to a lot of western feminists arguably focusing their (social media) attention on issues that a lot of people, feminists or not, would deem trivial and taking things 'too far'." and that this has led to a perception of feminism as a man hating and exaggerated society that will happily, and - at times - wrongly play the victim. This will often make those who support the cause more widely turn away from feminism altogether. Within the debate I found that this was an issue for a lot of people, people completely agreed that the problems that were mentioned needed to be fixed, but did not agreed that feminism was the answer to that. Ellie also makes an amazing point that social equality of the sexes is a much more complex issue as there are no guidelines and no formal way of changing people's attitudes or behaviour. Subsequently, because it is the social issues where the media (and social media for that matter) focuses itself, hateful and intense debate can often be sparked and this divided the moment even further from people who may otherwise believe in it's causes.

Side note: Big thanks to Ellie for being a gem and sending me her genuine thoughts on the matter. Her insight was hugely influential to this blog so I can't express how grateful I am for her answer. 

Some people also mentioned that they thought feminism had done it's job in it's first and second wave. That this third wave of feminism was just plagued with trivial matters. Whilst this has already been mentioned, I think it is important to remember that these earlier waves of feminism were created and fought mainly for white women and straight women. A drive for equality now has focus on LGBTQ+ equality, black and ethnic minority equality and class respect. That's why a lot of people don't feel engaged with feminism anymore, they just don't see how it would effect them or their immediate circle. Not in a mainly white, western community with good education opportunities. For this reason, I can understand why people wanted to 'move on' from feminism but continue to fight for the many causes that feminism does.

Overall, I can honestly see why people are turning away from feminism. The extremism and of incredibly exclusive environment is not appealing to many. In a time when there are so many different perceptions on the ideology it has been pulled to several extremes, however something a lot of people mentioned when asked about moving on from feminism was education. With education of equality and the history and achievements of feminism, the perception of it all would become so much more well defined and healthier. We need to respect each others beliefs as with all walks of life and understand that feminism isn't the path for everyone, but for those who feel they do need it, support should be easier to come by. 

Thank you so much to everyone who contributed, I can't tell you how taken aback I was by the response I received. I hope you found this to be at least some way insightful, I tried to stay honest and honour the opinions I received. 

Much love, 

- Chloe x

((on a separate note, due to my research being place on 4chan and me receiving a lot of negative and harsh comments unrelated to the topic, I kind of lost enthusiasm for this post as most real comments were lost in spam. I have used googleform genuine answers as much as possible but most of what I have is just from responses I received through Facebook, in person and Instagram. I apologise it wasn't more in depth))