I recently attended a feminism debate as part of my University debate society, it was actually incredibly insightful and as I sat there I realised, despite arguments either way, how much I needed feminism. Talking to my boyfriend about it he told me something that broke my heart. Plus, over the next two months I will be part of a mentoring group for FE students talking about sexual consent and other related topics, and everyday I realise another way I appreciate feminism.
I've decided that I want to put together a list of reasons why, when I asked, people said they needed feminism, starting with the story from my boyfriend:
STORYTIME!!
- Anyone who knows me personally will know that I met Corey on Tinder (no shame, neither of us were actually looking for anything but a confidence boost, I'm basically just a rebound that has lasted a lot longer than expected 😅), we spoke for months before actually meeting and when we did we spent the day together and went for drinks in the evening. I didn't realise at the time but apparently I naturally spent the whole night with my thumb over the top of the bottle. I don't think he realised until that moment that this is the type of thing that a lot of girls (and guys of course) do without thinking due to a drilled in fear. It was very much a sobering moment for me in thinking about the kind of world we live in.
- Night out culture in generally petrifies me. Generally my group of friends gave up on girls night after one attempt consisting of a great night interrupted on too many occasions by men much older that us (we were barely 18 at the time) moving in on us and literally moving from one of us to the next when we rejected them before becoming irritated and argumentative. The amount of times I've had to ask to swap places with a male friend (shout out to my boys Liam, Michael Sean, Josh and my actual boy Corey for looking after us all on several occasions. And thank you to Dylan, Tom and Adbae for some hilarious saves in Sheffield) is actually embarrassing. It is the feminist movement that has pushed more people to step in in these instances, even for people they don't know and everyday now I see wonderful stories of girls helping girls out of sticky situations and guys stepping in for their friends or complete strangers. People get too drunk sometimes, it happens, look after your pals, you know they'd do the same for you.
- Victim blaming and slut shaming is the next point I'd like to make a point about. "How much did they drink?", "What were they wearing?", "didn't they do drugs though?" just graze the surface of the things people have said to try and justify cases of sexual assault and rape. Feminism is a community that made me feel like they wouldn't judge in this way if I had something to say, they'd take what I say and they'd help me move forward. If I wanna wear a cute little dress, fishnets and heels and boogie the night away with my girls, maybe have a little too much to drink, I do not deserve to be taken advantage of, THERE IS NO DEBATE SURROUNDING THAT.
- Sexual harassment more generally is being brought to light by the feminist movement. I recently spoke to a family member about the #MeToo movement, and they said that they don't support historic allegations because "that's just how it was then". Whilst I understand why they say this, I think it's important that we still support these individuals in moving forward and take their points with no less validation. It's only in very recent times that feminism has helped people realise that sexual comments towards colleagues is not considered as funny or appropriate and it's this type of stigma it continues to aid.
- Feminism isn't just a female issue, I think the way it helps to break down toxic masculinity has been incredibly beneficial to a lot of boys and men, especially through their puberty years as they gather their own identity better. It is not trying to take away men's 'masculinity' as such, but to widen what is seen as socially acceptable. In the debate I talked about, one of the guys talked about how it would just help people be themselves. Even touching on the fact that breaking this idea of toxic masculinity down would be incredibly useful in allowing for men to be treated for their mental health issues, especially for depression and issues like PTSD. Instead of "manning up" they can get the help they deserve. (I see people's point about breaking down the 'masculine image some men want to identify with, but there are some who don't and that's ok too.)
- Pressure on motherhood is something that I personally never thought of. But a lot of other women came to me saying this was a reason they felt they needed feminism. It is important to remember that this is very much still a real issue. Even in 2018, women are pressured because they decide to not become a mother, or when they decide they want to have a baby over working, or working over a motherhood, or even for doing both. Making any and all of the decisions regarding motherhood difficult. Not to mention feminists movement surround women's reproductive health and abortion rights.
- Body positivity is hugely important in the feminist community and always has been, I love to watch this part of the movement grow! It spreads genuine happiness and helps so many people with body confidence issues.
- EQUALITY for all and nothing more.
Asides from this, I asked several other questions to gauge opinion on feminism in general. I completely understand that not everyone sees feminism in the light that I and the people who helped me write the above list do. Despite this, I think it's important to mention that a lot of the people I managed to speak to were indeed feminist, Western and of the most part they were people I knew but I tried to vary opinion as much as I could.
Ellie Taylor summed up what most people where thinking perfectly in saying "Feminism has become a dirty word over the past few years and I think that's due to a lot of western feminists arguably focusing their (social media) attention on issues that a lot of people, feminists or not, would deem trivial and taking things 'too far'." and that this has led to a perception of feminism as a man hating and exaggerated society that will happily, and - at times - wrongly play the victim. This will often make those who support the cause more widely turn away from feminism altogether. Within the debate I found that this was an issue for a lot of people, people completely agreed that the problems that were mentioned needed to be fixed, but did not agreed that feminism was the answer to that. Ellie also makes an amazing point that social equality of the sexes is a much more complex issue as there are no guidelines and no formal way of changing people's attitudes or behaviour. Subsequently, because it is the social issues where the media (and social media for that matter) focuses itself, hateful and intense debate can often be sparked and this divided the moment even further from people who may otherwise believe in it's causes.
Side note: Big thanks to Ellie for being a gem and sending me her genuine thoughts on the matter. Her insight was hugely influential to this blog so I can't express how grateful I am for her answer.
Some people also mentioned that they thought feminism had done it's job in it's first and second wave. That this third wave of feminism was just plagued with trivial matters. Whilst this has already been mentioned, I think it is important to remember that these earlier waves of feminism were created and fought mainly for white women and straight women. A drive for equality now has focus on LGBTQ+ equality, black and ethnic minority equality and class respect. That's why a lot of people don't feel engaged with feminism anymore, they just don't see how it would effect them or their immediate circle. Not in a mainly white, western community with good education opportunities. For this reason, I can understand why people wanted to 'move on' from feminism but continue to fight for the many causes that feminism does.
Overall, I can honestly see why people are turning away from feminism. The extremism and of incredibly exclusive environment is not appealing to many. In a time when there are so many different perceptions on the ideology it has been pulled to several extremes, however something a lot of people mentioned when asked about moving on from feminism was education. With education of equality and the history and achievements of feminism, the perception of it all would become so much more well defined and healthier. We need to respect each others beliefs as with all walks of life and understand that feminism isn't the path for everyone, but for those who feel they do need it, support should be easier to come by.
Thank you so much to everyone who contributed, I can't tell you how taken aback I was by the response I received. I hope you found this to be at least some way insightful, I tried to stay honest and honour the opinions I received.
Much love,
- Chloe x
((on a separate note, due to my research being place on 4chan and me receiving a lot of negative and harsh comments unrelated to the topic, I kind of lost enthusiasm for this post as most real comments were lost in spam. I have used googleform genuine answers as much as possible but most of what I have is just from responses I received through Facebook, in person and Instagram. I apologise it wasn't more in depth))
